Firstly, you start off with a great headline which made me want to read more. Your sub headline works well with your headline, as it gives a bit more background of what you will be specifically talking about during the rest of your report. Your lead is also great and includes some extremely valuable information. It does seem a bit long however, as leads are usually 25-30 words max, but yours is 49 words. In your lead, a suggestion from me would be to cut out the first 2 sentences and move it to your nut graf paragraph. The nut graf gives more background information on what your report is about, and I think the first sentence of your lead would make a great nut graf intro. Instead, your lead could be something along the lines of, “For students at the University of New England (UNE), utilizing free time is about balancing academics and personal growth, while diving into the community’s supportive study atmosphere.” This leaves your lead at about 27 words which fits into the desired word count. I do like your third paragraph as well, but I would not have your first sentence be a question, and would rather write it as a statement. To me, writing in statements instead of questions enhances credibility, because you are direct in what you are saying to the audience rather than having them try to answer your questions. There are a couple more spots you do this as well, in your 5th paragraph and your last paragraph. Also in paragraph 7, your first sentence reads “Next, you’ve got to pick the right spot!” When I read this, I found it to be a bit opinionated especially with your chosen punctuation. An exclamation point makes something more exciting or demanding, and in this way it seems like you are telling readers the exact steps they need to take to get the most out of your study time, but everyone is different. I would cut out this sentence and start the paragraph off at “Whether off campus…” Great job!
Anthony:
I think your headline is good, as it introduces first year housing at the University of New England. Especially in your sub headline you now introduce first year students and room assignments which is great. I would almost reword these in a sense though, because as we all know, Featherman is the newest and “best” freshman dorm building. If outsiders are reading this though, they would have no idea what Featherman vs. Everybody entails. Since we know it is the newest of all of the buildings, maybe changing your headline to, “University of New England First Year Housing: New vs. Old.” In this way, you are still telling the audience what your piece will be about but showing the comparison in an easier way. You wouldn’t necessarily have to change your sub headline either, and would not have to change your lead. I really liked your use of quotes especially from individuals living in the different dorms. You also did a great job introducing Featherman Hall in one paragraph, followed by a quote by someone in Featherman. It was also super interesting how you found someone that started off by living in the quad and moved into Featherman. People love seeing a direct comparison between two things, and this interviewee gave first hand insight on the two buildings. Great job!
Sydney-
I like how consistent you were throughout the article. There was a structure of three main questions that it looks like you answered with a variety of quotes. One thing I might say is the paragraphs were a little long. You could either break them up or take some information out. I feel like you ask questions and then answer them yourself and then put in the quotes. You could offer less of your own explanation and have the quotes do more of the heaving lifting. I like though that your headline was able to be reflected by advice given from the professors but maybe it would be helpful to put something about personal growth from the students.
Anthony-
I like that it seems like you really know both sides of the debate. You have a variety of sources that are able to speak from different angles that sheds a lot of light on the subject I didn’t know. Also, in your voice of writing it seems like you were able to capture the general feeling of the first year living situation. One of the most interesting quotes was from Quinn Carlson and I wished you went in a little more on his perspective because I feel like he could tie up the argument pretty well. Also, maybe with Adam Day talking about the social issues he experiences you could add a quote from a quad perspective if they feel like it is also the quad against Featherman, or if it’s one sided.
Anthony Lacaprucia
This was a very good article with many different aspects and conflicting views within it. Also, the style of this article was a very throughout, it kept me engaged throughout the article. The quotes used were really good as well, the were set up nicely and went into the article perfectly. Though I would wonder what housing has say about their methods and whether they have plans to improve dorms. They might have an insight of why for the UNE side of things. Overall, this was very well written and very interesting article to read.
Sydney’s Feature
This is a well-written article. It is organized and structured in a way that is easy to read while keeping the reader engaged. We have talked about keeping the paragraphs small and concise. I do think the topic was engaging enough that when I was reading I didn’t lose interest. I like the different perspectives you brought in. Having professors explain the importance of study techniques while also talking to SASC was able to show the overall theme of the article. I also liked how you ended with a question. Most of the articles we have looked at so far have ended in similar ways. By ending it in that way, it allowed the reader to reflect on the information they just consumed. I thought your headline and sub-headline went well together, but the lede was on the longer end. By shortening this it could free up space to add more details throughout the piece. Great job!
Anthony’s Feature
I like this topic idea a lot. It’s relatable since everyone on campus has to live in the quad at some point and experience the differences in halls. I like the headline, but if someone outside of UNE were to read it they would be confused about what that means. The sub-headline goes nicely with the piece as it gives more context. I like how you were able to get viewpoints from multiple different students. I especially liked getting the perspective of someone who switched dorms and has experienced living in the quad and Featherman. One thing you could add is a housing perspective. All the quotes were by the students and you mentioned how it’s randomized room assignments. Maybe talking to someone who deals with room assignments would bring another point of view. You were also able to keep the article engaging and organized. Great job!
Sydney: I was so engaged with your entire piece it was so interesting. I think the topic you chose helped make it easier to sound neutral rather than biased but either way you did a great job not really having a personal voice in the piece. I love how many quotes you got from different people, it honestly made it flow more I feel like. I also really love how you end your piece. Overall, I loved it and it was so interesting and I read through it very quickly. If I absolutely had to give a critique I would say maybe see if you can shorten or even break up the 3rd and 4th paragraphs. I don’t think you should really cut it because it’s great, but try and shorten the individual paragraphs to match all the other ones maybe.
Anthony: I think you have a very interesting topic! I’m a transfer, so I didn’t experience the first year dorms so I thought it was really cool to hear about those differences. I like how many people you got to speak with and all the different angles you got from multiple people on multiple different buildings. The only things I would really say is to double check for grammatical errors I saw some spots I’d throw some commas in to create the correct pause that you’d naturally throw in when reading. I’d also say that I like how you touch on how people in Featherman are viewed differently, so I’d see if you could go a little deeper on that and see if you can talk to other people about that and see if people really do feel that way. The sub-headline did also make me initially have a different idea as to what the paper was about I feel like. I thought people were going to be mad being assigned to Featherman Hall but it seemed to be the opposite but I also felt as if the paper was more a comparison on the two rather than the clash that is mentioned briefly in the sub-headline, lead, and right at the end.
This was such a fun article! It was great to hear from a couple of students on what their preferred study spot and routines are. I really liked your subheadline, the only thing I would change is having your subheadline more so highlight the routine that students get into before they start studying. After reading your article I realized that you talked about a study routine more so than effective study techniques. It was great that you got quotes from professors. I think that added great insight to your article.Something I think might be interesting to get a quote from is one of the SASC students tutors because I know some of them help students with studying so it would be interesting to hear their tips.
Anthony
I really liked this! You saw both sides of the positive and negative opinions and your story didn’t lean one way or the other. I liked that you got quotes from different dorm halls, and they all went with your article. The background on Feathermen was greatly summed up in a paragraph and didn’t take over which was really good. The only thing I would do is get a quote from housing, it would be great to hear their opinions on what they have dealt with, and what they have heard from students.
First off, I really enjoy the headline and subheadline! It was punchy and it immediately caught my attention. The lede does an effective job at providing a bit more information while still trying to capture readers. The paragraph after adds even more context that is necessary for the rest of the story. Another thing I enjoyed were the quotes! There are a lot of quotes from various groups of people. It was beneficial to hear from professors, students, and Dr. Eric Drown. I also appreciate the writing style. It was fun and interesting. The information was provided in an unique way. One critique would be to shorten your paragraphs. Some of them are on the longer side, and could be split into two. It would be nice if all of the paragraphs were around the same size. This was a really unique topic and I enjoyed reading it! Really nice job!
Anthony’s Feature
This is such a good topic idea! I lived in Featherman last year and got negative comments from all my friends who lived in the Quad. I really enjoyed your headline and subheadline. They were interesting and caught my attention. Your lede is very informative and gets the point across. It might be interesting to try an anecdotal lede. You could start by describing what Featherman is like and what a Quad dorm is like. The use of quotes were really helpful. There is a good mix of student perspectives. You remain unbiased and I cannot tell what position you believe in. The tone that you wrote in also fits the story well. The word choice is dynamic and interesting, while still being informational. One other suggestion would be to talk to someone from housing about the room selection process. You message how it is random but information on that could be beneficial. Overall, this is really good! You picked a great topic and I enjoyed reading it!
This is a really great topic! I think your headline and sub-headline are both really strong and engaging. As a reader I felt like I knew exactly what the article was going to cover and wanted to continue reading. I really like how you covered students, professors, and one of the assistant directors for SASC. It felt like a good variety of perspectives. Additionally, I think you did a good job explaining what SASC was early on and did a good keeping it brief and to the point. All in all I really enjoyed reading your article and think you did a great job.
Sydney Bishop
I liked this article a lot. It showed how college is not only a place where you can academically succeed but personally grow.
Although this article perfectly covers how you can academically grow it doesn’t touch upon personal growth as much as I would like it to. The title of the article has “personal growth” in it so why not highlight that a little more.
Something that I also noticed in the article were minor grammatical errors. Fixing these can attest to your credibility. There were too many commas in a sentence, for example, when introducing Emma.
Anthony Lacaprucia
Because I am a transfer student I did not personally deal with freshman housing at UNE so this article was interesting to me from an outside perspective.
Something that could make your article stronger is adding more perspectives from students living in Assisi dorms. Also, I know that some students that aren’t freshmen live in the quad, you could highlight this as well.
Some sort of bias was introduced when you stated that Featherman was considered the “best” option for freshman Housing. Getting rid of this statement can remove bias.
Something that you could add if you wanted to was how housing chooses what people to put in what housing. This isn’t necessary but I think it would be a cool perspective.
Sydney: I like this article a lot and it maintains the same feel throughout that is first presented by the heading and subheading. You got useful quotes from relevant sources which provided great insight and tips for the reader on how to be productive academically and personally. I thought it was great that you talked to people at SASC as that is the main help center for students to get on track. I like the pacing of the article throughout as well as it made the article easy to follow. The one critique that stood out to me that could make it even easier to read is to shorten some of the longer paragraphs.
Anthony: I really like the word choice in your heading and lede, it gives the article life right away and catches eyes. You do a great job capturing the difference of living qualities between featherman and the quad. While highlighting the pros and cons of both with quotes of students in both dorms. As well as someone who switched to featherman, and an RA. I believe the articles covers all the bases of the debate and captures how students are upset when they dont get featherman. There is possibly a little biase with some of the word choice however I dont think it effects the articles points or credibility.
The start of the article with the headline really draws the reader in and the lead does a good job of explaining shortly what is going to be in the article. If I saw this heading somewhere I would be invested and want to read the rest of the article. I really enjoyed Sydney getting a quote from Professor Bethany Woodworth, because it gives advice for students about studying and how the mindset needs to be changed when they get to college because they are in charge of their own learning. One suggestion I have is to talk more about enjoying the campus life and what some people do outside of their classes. I feel like the article is mainly focused on study techniques and how and where to study but the lead and headline both talk about campus life which I feel the article doesn’t elaborate on enough.
Anthonys Story:
The headline has a good hook and I like the term “vs” a lot. I also enjoy that in the subheadline he uses the term “clash” for some dramatics. Giving detail of how the feathermen layout is gave a good idea to the audience of why other people on campus might envy the freshmen who got lucky enough to live there. He also explains some of how the rest of the quad is laid out and that gives people a better understanding of why feathermen might be a better option. I liked how he got quotes form people who live there and people who also live in the quad. I think he did a good job at staying unbiased in this story, but there were certain phrases I feel he could’ve done a better job at hiding his opinion.
A potential thing to add to this story would be the difficulty of balancing social life vs. academic life. Sure finding a nice, comforting, quiet spot to study is important but there is also a matter of fear of missing out when you are stuck staying in working on homework. Another thing you could add in is what the switch was like from high school classes to college classes, having to practically teach yourself the material and how all the responsibility is on you since no one is constantly on your back about assignments. On the other hand, you got a good lede going on, along with smooth transitions. Including a Professor’s POV was a nice touch. When wrapping up the story, I like the way you asked the student readers a question regarding your topic choice.
Anthony’s Feature:
Honestly, not much to improve on in my opinion you gave a lot of good information for the reader. Except working on wrapping up the conclusion is a definite. It lacks being tied together with the rest of the story. You did a nice job explaining the differences between living styles as well as getting input from students in multiple dorms so nothing is biased. The article could benefit from clearer organization and smoother transitions between sections. Maybe introducing a brief overview of the housing options before diving into specific details would provide better context. A clearer distinction between personal opinions and factual descriptions would help.
Sydney – I liked the balance of the article in that both professors/administrators and students were interviewed and shared their opinions and advice. The description from the professors/administrators was helpful in that it provided both “mindset” advice and a practical guide that any student can use. The advice from students was presented in a format that was easy to understand and took the reader on a “day in the life of” approach.
Anthony – I really liked this article as it covers a very hot topic – housing! It clearly outlines the differences in the two freshmen housing options – Featherman and the Quad – and the pro/cons of each. I liked the interviews with the students who lived in the quad, especially the student who transferred to Featherman. This provided an interesting perspective on having lived in both environments.
13 thoughts on “JOURNAL # 12 (FC FEEDBACK # 3).”
Sydney:
Firstly, you start off with a great headline which made me want to read more. Your sub headline works well with your headline, as it gives a bit more background of what you will be specifically talking about during the rest of your report. Your lead is also great and includes some extremely valuable information. It does seem a bit long however, as leads are usually 25-30 words max, but yours is 49 words. In your lead, a suggestion from me would be to cut out the first 2 sentences and move it to your nut graf paragraph. The nut graf gives more background information on what your report is about, and I think the first sentence of your lead would make a great nut graf intro. Instead, your lead could be something along the lines of, “For students at the University of New England (UNE), utilizing free time is about balancing academics and personal growth, while diving into the community’s supportive study atmosphere.” This leaves your lead at about 27 words which fits into the desired word count. I do like your third paragraph as well, but I would not have your first sentence be a question, and would rather write it as a statement. To me, writing in statements instead of questions enhances credibility, because you are direct in what you are saying to the audience rather than having them try to answer your questions. There are a couple more spots you do this as well, in your 5th paragraph and your last paragraph. Also in paragraph 7, your first sentence reads “Next, you’ve got to pick the right spot!” When I read this, I found it to be a bit opinionated especially with your chosen punctuation. An exclamation point makes something more exciting or demanding, and in this way it seems like you are telling readers the exact steps they need to take to get the most out of your study time, but everyone is different. I would cut out this sentence and start the paragraph off at “Whether off campus…” Great job!
Anthony:
I think your headline is good, as it introduces first year housing at the University of New England. Especially in your sub headline you now introduce first year students and room assignments which is great. I would almost reword these in a sense though, because as we all know, Featherman is the newest and “best” freshman dorm building. If outsiders are reading this though, they would have no idea what Featherman vs. Everybody entails. Since we know it is the newest of all of the buildings, maybe changing your headline to, “University of New England First Year Housing: New vs. Old.” In this way, you are still telling the audience what your piece will be about but showing the comparison in an easier way. You wouldn’t necessarily have to change your sub headline either, and would not have to change your lead. I really liked your use of quotes especially from individuals living in the different dorms. You also did a great job introducing Featherman Hall in one paragraph, followed by a quote by someone in Featherman. It was also super interesting how you found someone that started off by living in the quad and moved into Featherman. People love seeing a direct comparison between two things, and this interviewee gave first hand insight on the two buildings. Great job!
Sydney-
I like how consistent you were throughout the article. There was a structure of three main questions that it looks like you answered with a variety of quotes. One thing I might say is the paragraphs were a little long. You could either break them up or take some information out. I feel like you ask questions and then answer them yourself and then put in the quotes. You could offer less of your own explanation and have the quotes do more of the heaving lifting. I like though that your headline was able to be reflected by advice given from the professors but maybe it would be helpful to put something about personal growth from the students.
Anthony-
I like that it seems like you really know both sides of the debate. You have a variety of sources that are able to speak from different angles that sheds a lot of light on the subject I didn’t know. Also, in your voice of writing it seems like you were able to capture the general feeling of the first year living situation. One of the most interesting quotes was from Quinn Carlson and I wished you went in a little more on his perspective because I feel like he could tie up the argument pretty well. Also, maybe with Adam Day talking about the social issues he experiences you could add a quote from a quad perspective if they feel like it is also the quad against Featherman, or if it’s one sided.
Anthony Lacaprucia
This was a very good article with many different aspects and conflicting views within it. Also, the style of this article was a very throughout, it kept me engaged throughout the article. The quotes used were really good as well, the were set up nicely and went into the article perfectly. Though I would wonder what housing has say about their methods and whether they have plans to improve dorms. They might have an insight of why for the UNE side of things. Overall, this was very well written and very interesting article to read.
Sydney’s Feature
This is a well-written article. It is organized and structured in a way that is easy to read while keeping the reader engaged. We have talked about keeping the paragraphs small and concise. I do think the topic was engaging enough that when I was reading I didn’t lose interest. I like the different perspectives you brought in. Having professors explain the importance of study techniques while also talking to SASC was able to show the overall theme of the article. I also liked how you ended with a question. Most of the articles we have looked at so far have ended in similar ways. By ending it in that way, it allowed the reader to reflect on the information they just consumed. I thought your headline and sub-headline went well together, but the lede was on the longer end. By shortening this it could free up space to add more details throughout the piece. Great job!
Anthony’s Feature
I like this topic idea a lot. It’s relatable since everyone on campus has to live in the quad at some point and experience the differences in halls. I like the headline, but if someone outside of UNE were to read it they would be confused about what that means. The sub-headline goes nicely with the piece as it gives more context. I like how you were able to get viewpoints from multiple different students. I especially liked getting the perspective of someone who switched dorms and has experienced living in the quad and Featherman. One thing you could add is a housing perspective. All the quotes were by the students and you mentioned how it’s randomized room assignments. Maybe talking to someone who deals with room assignments would bring another point of view. You were also able to keep the article engaging and organized. Great job!
Sydney: I was so engaged with your entire piece it was so interesting. I think the topic you chose helped make it easier to sound neutral rather than biased but either way you did a great job not really having a personal voice in the piece. I love how many quotes you got from different people, it honestly made it flow more I feel like. I also really love how you end your piece. Overall, I loved it and it was so interesting and I read through it very quickly. If I absolutely had to give a critique I would say maybe see if you can shorten or even break up the 3rd and 4th paragraphs. I don’t think you should really cut it because it’s great, but try and shorten the individual paragraphs to match all the other ones maybe.
Anthony: I think you have a very interesting topic! I’m a transfer, so I didn’t experience the first year dorms so I thought it was really cool to hear about those differences. I like how many people you got to speak with and all the different angles you got from multiple people on multiple different buildings. The only things I would really say is to double check for grammatical errors I saw some spots I’d throw some commas in to create the correct pause that you’d naturally throw in when reading. I’d also say that I like how you touch on how people in Featherman are viewed differently, so I’d see if you could go a little deeper on that and see if you can talk to other people about that and see if people really do feel that way. The sub-headline did also make me initially have a different idea as to what the paper was about I feel like. I thought people were going to be mad being assigned to Featherman Hall but it seemed to be the opposite but I also felt as if the paper was more a comparison on the two rather than the clash that is mentioned briefly in the sub-headline, lead, and right at the end.
Sydney
This was such a fun article! It was great to hear from a couple of students on what their preferred study spot and routines are. I really liked your subheadline, the only thing I would change is having your subheadline more so highlight the routine that students get into before they start studying. After reading your article I realized that you talked about a study routine more so than effective study techniques. It was great that you got quotes from professors. I think that added great insight to your article.Something I think might be interesting to get a quote from is one of the SASC students tutors because I know some of them help students with studying so it would be interesting to hear their tips.
Anthony
I really liked this! You saw both sides of the positive and negative opinions and your story didn’t lean one way or the other. I liked that you got quotes from different dorm halls, and they all went with your article. The background on Feathermen was greatly summed up in a paragraph and didn’t take over which was really good. The only thing I would do is get a quote from housing, it would be great to hear their opinions on what they have dealt with, and what they have heard from students.
Sydney’s Feature
First off, I really enjoy the headline and subheadline! It was punchy and it immediately caught my attention. The lede does an effective job at providing a bit more information while still trying to capture readers. The paragraph after adds even more context that is necessary for the rest of the story. Another thing I enjoyed were the quotes! There are a lot of quotes from various groups of people. It was beneficial to hear from professors, students, and Dr. Eric Drown. I also appreciate the writing style. It was fun and interesting. The information was provided in an unique way. One critique would be to shorten your paragraphs. Some of them are on the longer side, and could be split into two. It would be nice if all of the paragraphs were around the same size. This was a really unique topic and I enjoyed reading it! Really nice job!
Anthony’s Feature
This is such a good topic idea! I lived in Featherman last year and got negative comments from all my friends who lived in the Quad. I really enjoyed your headline and subheadline. They were interesting and caught my attention. Your lede is very informative and gets the point across. It might be interesting to try an anecdotal lede. You could start by describing what Featherman is like and what a Quad dorm is like. The use of quotes were really helpful. There is a good mix of student perspectives. You remain unbiased and I cannot tell what position you believe in. The tone that you wrote in also fits the story well. The word choice is dynamic and interesting, while still being informational. One other suggestion would be to talk to someone from housing about the room selection process. You message how it is random but information on that could be beneficial. Overall, this is really good! You picked a great topic and I enjoyed reading it!
Sydney’s Feature
This is a really great topic! I think your headline and sub-headline are both really strong and engaging. As a reader I felt like I knew exactly what the article was going to cover and wanted to continue reading. I really like how you covered students, professors, and one of the assistant directors for SASC. It felt like a good variety of perspectives. Additionally, I think you did a good job explaining what SASC was early on and did a good keeping it brief and to the point. All in all I really enjoyed reading your article and think you did a great job.
Sydney Bishop
I liked this article a lot. It showed how college is not only a place where you can academically succeed but personally grow.
Although this article perfectly covers how you can academically grow it doesn’t touch upon personal growth as much as I would like it to. The title of the article has “personal growth” in it so why not highlight that a little more.
Something that I also noticed in the article were minor grammatical errors. Fixing these can attest to your credibility. There were too many commas in a sentence, for example, when introducing Emma.
Anthony Lacaprucia
Because I am a transfer student I did not personally deal with freshman housing at UNE so this article was interesting to me from an outside perspective.
Something that could make your article stronger is adding more perspectives from students living in Assisi dorms. Also, I know that some students that aren’t freshmen live in the quad, you could highlight this as well.
Some sort of bias was introduced when you stated that Featherman was considered the “best” option for freshman Housing. Getting rid of this statement can remove bias.
Something that you could add if you wanted to was how housing chooses what people to put in what housing. This isn’t necessary but I think it would be a cool perspective.
Sydney: I like this article a lot and it maintains the same feel throughout that is first presented by the heading and subheading. You got useful quotes from relevant sources which provided great insight and tips for the reader on how to be productive academically and personally. I thought it was great that you talked to people at SASC as that is the main help center for students to get on track. I like the pacing of the article throughout as well as it made the article easy to follow. The one critique that stood out to me that could make it even easier to read is to shorten some of the longer paragraphs.
Anthony: I really like the word choice in your heading and lede, it gives the article life right away and catches eyes. You do a great job capturing the difference of living qualities between featherman and the quad. While highlighting the pros and cons of both with quotes of students in both dorms. As well as someone who switched to featherman, and an RA. I believe the articles covers all the bases of the debate and captures how students are upset when they dont get featherman. There is possibly a little biase with some of the word choice however I dont think it effects the articles points or credibility.
Sydneys Story:
The start of the article with the headline really draws the reader in and the lead does a good job of explaining shortly what is going to be in the article. If I saw this heading somewhere I would be invested and want to read the rest of the article. I really enjoyed Sydney getting a quote from Professor Bethany Woodworth, because it gives advice for students about studying and how the mindset needs to be changed when they get to college because they are in charge of their own learning. One suggestion I have is to talk more about enjoying the campus life and what some people do outside of their classes. I feel like the article is mainly focused on study techniques and how and where to study but the lead and headline both talk about campus life which I feel the article doesn’t elaborate on enough.
Anthonys Story:
The headline has a good hook and I like the term “vs” a lot. I also enjoy that in the subheadline he uses the term “clash” for some dramatics. Giving detail of how the feathermen layout is gave a good idea to the audience of why other people on campus might envy the freshmen who got lucky enough to live there. He also explains some of how the rest of the quad is laid out and that gives people a better understanding of why feathermen might be a better option. I liked how he got quotes form people who live there and people who also live in the quad. I think he did a good job at staying unbiased in this story, but there were certain phrases I feel he could’ve done a better job at hiding his opinion.
Sydney’s Feature:
A potential thing to add to this story would be the difficulty of balancing social life vs. academic life. Sure finding a nice, comforting, quiet spot to study is important but there is also a matter of fear of missing out when you are stuck staying in working on homework. Another thing you could add in is what the switch was like from high school classes to college classes, having to practically teach yourself the material and how all the responsibility is on you since no one is constantly on your back about assignments. On the other hand, you got a good lede going on, along with smooth transitions. Including a Professor’s POV was a nice touch. When wrapping up the story, I like the way you asked the student readers a question regarding your topic choice.
Anthony’s Feature:
Honestly, not much to improve on in my opinion you gave a lot of good information for the reader. Except working on wrapping up the conclusion is a definite. It lacks being tied together with the rest of the story. You did a nice job explaining the differences between living styles as well as getting input from students in multiple dorms so nothing is biased. The article could benefit from clearer organization and smoother transitions between sections. Maybe introducing a brief overview of the housing options before diving into specific details would provide better context. A clearer distinction between personal opinions and factual descriptions would help.
Sydney – I liked the balance of the article in that both professors/administrators and students were interviewed and shared their opinions and advice. The description from the professors/administrators was helpful in that it provided both “mindset” advice and a practical guide that any student can use. The advice from students was presented in a format that was easy to understand and took the reader on a “day in the life of” approach.
Anthony – I really liked this article as it covers a very hot topic – housing! It clearly outlines the differences in the two freshmen housing options – Featherman and the Quad – and the pro/cons of each. I liked the interviews with the students who lived in the quad, especially the student who transferred to Featherman. This provided an interesting perspective on having lived in both environments.