Charlotte
I really liked this piece. The sizes of the paragraphs make it very easy to consume and the quotes make it that much better. I would make the hook a little more detailed, consider adding who, what, when, where, why. You could most likely merge the first paragraph with the second one to do this. This will make it known from the start what the reading entails and will hook more readers. There were other minor mistakes, like punctuation, question marks for the questions.
Natalie
I really enjoyed how you introduced your topic. The background information you provided and your first sentence made the piece easy to read and engaging. You also have a very good split between quotes and the actual text. This is a minor note but pronouns should be stated right after the person’s name. Otherwise I really wouldn’t change anything about this writing, it is very good.
You have a ton of great information in your piece and the overall idea of it is super interesting. I also really like your use of quotes and think they aid your story in a great way. Taking information from Web MD is good, as it provides more textual evidence for the purpose of your article. I do like the title of your piece, but it is focused mostly on motorcycles. You only talk about motorcycles in the headline, sub headline and briefly in the paragraph with Aiden Fisher. I would instead rephrase your headline to not be a question either. You could say something along the lines of, “Being woken out of a deep sleep is common in college.” You are now broadening the playing field for different factors that may cause people to awaken at different points in their sleep, and your main focus will not only be on motorcycles anymore. It would be good to do this, because the quotes you used from other individuals talk about keeping down noise with fire alarms, garbage trucks and leaf blowing. I would also stay consistent with how you introduce who is talking because for a few of them you used first names, but for Aiden you used her last name.
Charlotte:
Something I really appreciate with your piece is that fact that you included a disclaimer stating that all names have been changed to respect the privacy of your interviewees. Especially for this topic, many students with accommodations would rather remain unnamed for different reasons, which is perfectly reasonable in journalism. Some find the need to still share their ideas, but want to remain anonymous. This may be a better way to introduce the individuals with them being “Anonymous” rather than changing their names. I really like your headline and think that it is great segmenting into the rest of your piece. Your sub headline and lead sort of counteract each other though, because in your sub headline you say that students find the accommodations to be helpful, but in your lead you say, “students shared their opinions on academic accommodations and “if” they are effective.” Even though the quotes you included make it seem that almost all of them felt positive about the support they are receiving, in your lead it seems like there should be another side to the argument. I also liked how you interviewed individuals who have different accommodations, and disabilities instead of focusing on just one. This strengthens your piece in a great way. Your second paragraph is loaded with information about what academic accommodations are and how UNE defines them. I would maybe switch this to be your third paragraph and act as your nut graf, pushing your third paragraph up as your second one.
Natalie:
I really enjoyed reading your piece, and think it is extremely well done. Your paragraphs are concise and roughly the same size as each other, which makes it really easy to digest and get through. You not only focused on one mental health resource available, but you included a ton of different ones. Your nut graf is also very well written and gives more background on what counseling exactly is and how it is meant to help students. It is also interesting how you were able to find interviewees like Vi and Lex who are student workers in the field. This provides great insight and a different view on the issue, as they are students handling their own stress but also want to help others. Your other quotes were great, and you included not only students, but a faculty member as well, giving a different angle on the argument. Something I would suggest is just looking over for some punctuation errors and minor wording changes. I do like your last paragraph as well, but would not necessarily say, “Everyone can agree college isn’t as easy ride.” You are in a way insinuating that everyone feels the same about college when it might not be the case. I also think you could rephrase your headline and say, “Mixed opinions on mental health support in college.” The headline you have now is fine, just missing a little something in my opinion.
This was a great topic and you did it very well! It was great to hear the opinions of students who need different types of accommodations and how the school can help with them. You had a great headline and made you want to continue reading. Your sub worked very well too, it was nice and short but gave you the information you need to know before reading. I would definitely think of shortening the paragraphs as most of them are quite long. The information in the 2nd paragraph was great on how UNE handles accommodations. Overall this was a great piece and was interesting to read students take on their accommodations.
Natalie:
This is very well done! It was super easy to read with the short length of the paragraphs that you kept throughout. You got great quotes, I loved that you got a quote from the Director of Counseling. I think that added a lot to your article. I did not know anything about the counseling services at UNE but your article had great insight. The commuters’ view was really good and added an opposite opinion on someone who doesn’t use counseling. I would definitely think about rewording “Everyone can agree college isn’t an easy ride” into “A lot of people can agree that college isn’t an easy ride” The “Everyone” just insinuates that everyone feels that easy so change that might work better.
Bennett:
This is a very different piece, and I really enjoyed it. Your quotes were great and worked really well. I would definitely change your headline into something that is not a question, something like “Students are bothered about being woken up by a motorcycle” It was interesting in the quotes to see the different ways it affects people. I think your piece is more focused on many factors that wake college students up, so I think working on your subheadline to include that will work really well.
Charlotte
This was a very interesting article and had many different insights on what students with disabilities mat have provided to them or what may not. I liked the quotes used within the article and the protection of their identities. Another aspects that I liked was the explanation of what the disabilities and what effect it has on their specific major. The things that could be changed is the size of the paragraphs, there are a few larger paragraphs. Also, double check the capitalization of majors.
Natalie
This was a very interesting article, especially in the sense of how many people deal with mental illness today. I knew that their were a various amount of resources and options to for help. I liked that you reached out to various people within the UNE community and their quotes were very informative. There might be some rewording and rewriting of a few sentences that need happen, I would reread the article a load to ensure that it makes sense.
Bennett
This was very good article on an interesting topic. I think the connections between several different aspects of what noises that students have to deal with is very good. Also, the clarification on what some students may experience due a physical condition, though I would make sure to add the source at the end of the article. Another thing that I would change is ensuring that you use last names and give their majors. Another thing is I would reach out safety and security to see what they are trying to do about excessive noise from vehicles.
Bennett
I liked how you started this article with facts. It gives the reader background and information on why you are writing about your topic. A way that you could improve your piece is to try and find a solution. Maybe reach out to safety and security.
First off, I think this is a very interesting topic! I really appreciate that you protected the names of the people interviewed. The interviews that you used provided some valuable insight. I really enjoyed the variety of quotes, with the mix of positive and negative comments. I also like your headline! It is interesting and gets to the point. The subheadline is a bit misleading. It says that students find it to be helpful, but some of the comments are negative. It should also be a sentence more about what to expect and provide some context. The lede has some good information but saying shared might be something to avoid. It is implying that a wide scale interview was conducted and not just by the journalist. The following paragraphs are full of great points! I really like the inclusion of the policy from the website. However, the paragraphs are too long. Try to keep the paragraphs no more than a few sentences and roughly the same size. One other suggestion would be to double check grammar such as commas and periods. There are a few places where there are some mistakes. Overall, a really nice job!
Natalie’s Feature
To start, this is a really cool topic! The headline and subheadline are really nice! One possible suggestion would be to avoid the word share. It implies a large survey was done. There should also be a period at the end of that sentence. I love your lede! The use of a more anecdotal lede was a great choice. The use of starting the feature off with a quote from the director of counseling is really smart. The interviews added a really nice touch. They provided interesting insights. I liked the variety of quotes from different employees and students. I also really liked the incorporation of the information on the stress reliving events put on by the Peer Health Educators and APB. It was a good idea to add other mental health resources besides the counseling center. One potential suggestion would be to shorten some paragraphs. They are a little on the longer side and shortening could make them easier to digest. Overall, this is really great! I enjoyed reading it a lot!
Bennett’s Feature
This is a very relatable topic that was a really good idea to write about! The headline is really fun! I would maybe rephrase it to be a statement and not a question. The subheadline is very interesting! I would maybe move this down to the lede, as it resembles an anecdotal lede. The subheadline should provide more context on the actual details. The incorporation of the information from WEB MD provides an interesting element. You also tied the quotes into the story nicely. You have a wide variety of quotes that cover most of the bases. Incorporating another quote from a student who does not feel that noise is a problem would be interesting. It would be interesting to hear from opposing viewpoints so the feature is not biased. One more suggestion would make sure the paragraphs stay roughly the same length. Most paragraphs are the perfect size but a couple are a little on the longer side. This was really great and I am excited to see the final product!
This is a very interesting topic! I liked the headline, it described the article well. The subheadline is good, but you could add that some students had negative comments to make it more accurate. I liked the quotes used and the amount of context given. This made it easy to read because each paragraph had background information. I also liked how you explained the disabilities themselves and how that affected each of their majors. The paragraphs are on the longer side, it may be an easier read if you were able to break them up a bit. Overall, it’s a great first draft!
Natalie’s Feature
I enjoyed reading this! The quotes were great. They showed both sides from all perspectives. I like how you were able to talk to the Director of Counseling, it added the administrator’s point of view that the article needed. I especially liked getting the commuters’ perspective. The paragraph lengths were good, they made the article easy to read and digestible. I think the headline and subheadline go well together and describe the article. It was also nice that you added some other offerings the university has besides counseling, like the APB events. It allows students who may not feel comfortable going to counseling services another option to de-stress. This was a great first draft. Good job!
Bennet’s Feature
This was a relatable and interesting topic. I think you found great background information by describing the issues students deal with and adding in their perspective for more context. One thing I noticed was inconsistency with the use of the last name when quoting the students. It would be interesting to hear from other students or viewpoints in general who have different opinions on the noise complaints. You could also talk to security to see what the protocol is when dealing with these complaints and what they do to find a solution. I would also look at your headline. It mentions the students being bothered by a motorcycle, but you don’t touch much on that throughout the article. Overall, this article has a lot of good information. good job!
Bennett: This is an interesting story for me because I am someone who’s sensitive to sound as well. With that being said, I don’t stay on campus so seeing how other students who do stay here feel about noise on campus is interesting and informing. I think the inclusion of the statistics at the beginning of the story help to pull the reader in and give context for some of the noises heard on campus. I also think the quotes are very strong and relevant throughout the story, covering people who are more bothered by sounds and others who don’t necisarily struggle with sound. I also thought the definition of misophonia was perfectly timed and informative. The structure of the paragraphs was also a highlight for me, it allowed me to stay engaged with the story and had me looking quickly to the next paragraph for more information.
Charlotte: I like this story; I didn’t know much about accommodations here at UNE, so this was informative for me. The quotes were a highlight for me. You were able to cover people who felt their accommodations were solid as well as covering those who felt they weren’t accommodated as well as others. And in doing that you kept your opinion out of it and just presented the facts of what’s going on. I also thought the sheer number pf quotes was really strong for this story. There are quotes throughout the entire story and as I said they give different opinions. This adds layers to the story. The only thing I’d say is to try to find a way to split up some of those longer paragraphs so the story can flow. But other than that, I thought this was great.
Natalie: This story is really strong. Not only is it applicable for us here at UNE, but you can also apply it to every college. You do a great job using the quotes to highlight just how mixed opinions on this topic are. I feel like some of the paragraphs could be split up to allow the story to flow but even with the way it’s structured at the moment I was engaged and interested. I also enjoy the fact that quotes are spread throughout the entire story. Overall, this story is interesting, informative considering I didn’t know we had free counseling, and the quotes are strong and relevant. It flows well and pulls the reader in at the beginning of the story by baiting readers with the term “mixed”. For me this made me question why reviews were mixed and consequently pulled me into the story even more.
Charlotte: I really like how you were able to get a variety of people with various types of learning disabilities to show all the different perspectives. I also really like how you included at the end what * meant, and also love how you chose to respect their privacy and change their names. I have a couple of things: some grammatical errors to watch out for, some places you should add commas and colons, I’d rearrange a couple of sentences so they made a little more sense. In the 2nd paragraph you said “surveyed” I would just change the wording a bit because then it poses the question of who surveyed them. In the 4th paragraph I will say it doesn’t necessarily match you with your sub-headline. Your sub-headline sounds as if it is all positive, but in that paragraph it sounds like there are some struggles, so I’d reword your sub-headline to make sure you mention the positive and negatives that students experience. I noticed you also mentioned some students majors and others you didn’t, and in the ones you did mention, you didn’t capitalize their majors.
Natalie: I like how you were basically consistent with your size of paragraphs. I would just see if you could reword some things like your headline, specifically the “Among University” part, it just didn’t make sense. In the second paragraph I’d see if “student counseling” needs to be capitalized due to the way it’s worded. In the 3rd paragraph in the last sentence I’d reword “most any other mental health issue.” to “many other mental health issues.” Also, just double check for grammatical errors.
Bennett: I absolutely love your topic, even as someone who doesn’t suffer from mysophobia (I think you might have spelled it wrong btw), some of these noises really get on my nerves like the honking and fire alarms and motorcycles and blasting music. I like how you gained perspective from students as well as RA’s. I’d say maybe change the headline and sub-headline a little. I would maybe say your headline can say something about how students are affected by all the noises on campus, and talk a little bit more about that in your sub-headline. I think the motorcycle bit was great, I’d move that into your paper and see if you can interview other students about their experiences with music, car honking, and motorcycle revving.
Natalie- Mixed Opinions Among University
For starters I really like the headline of this article, I think that someone would read that and instantly want to know more. I also think this article has very good information being used here as well. An outsider coming in and even people on campus are not aware of the board and people being brought up in this article. I think some of the paragraphs could be shortened or split into another paragraph. Though I think the article is good as a whole, it is also very heavy on bringing up how the school does not make enough efforts. I’d say try to find another way to bring up how the school does an effort earlier in the article.
Bennett-Awaken by Motorcycles
I thought that this was a pretty relatable article to read, many people at some point in their life have dealt with difficult times sleeping because of loud noises. I also think that the people you interviewed gave others a good feel of what they are going through with these motorcycles. I would say this essay could use a bit of organizational word. I think the heading and subheading is pretty long if you could shorten that could help you out in the long run. Finally some of your paragraphs coil;d be turned into multiples if you do that. I think this essay could be something very strong.
Charlotte- I thought this was a strong piece overall. For starters the organization was not too long for the reader to not lose track. I also like how you kept your information private because many people do not want their business out there. I would just try to add a nut graph in there somewhere to make your article feel like it has all the proper things you need when writing today.
Charlotte: your article does a great job highlighting student experiences with academic help at the school. I like how you covered a variety of learning issues and the accomadations needed. Your headline was engaging and prepares the reader for an examination, however I think the sub headline could be reworked for a smoother transition as well as the lead. The final thing that stuck out to me was the paragraphs being a little long but a simple fix of breaking them up can make this piece easier to read.
Natalie: Your story covers a very important aspect of campus life and I think your headline and sub work well together to prepare the reader for the information they are getting. I think the length of the paragraphs are right on the line of not being too big yet presenting very readable information. The anecdotal lead is a nice touch as well. I think some more perspectives could be added however, like seeing what the mental health of commuters is like.
Bennett: Your article tackles a very relatable issue that everyone on campus has had to deal with. I thought it was really interesting how you brought in factual medical information about Misophonia and working it into the article. To go along with this you found a person who has this condition to give real insight. The quotes and information are great and make this article unique. A critique I have would be to re work the headline so its not asking a question to the reader. As well and shortening your sub. This will make a much better segway right into the great info you present.
Charlotte- I really like this article. Not everyone struggles with accommodation issues, and you really gave voice to the people who do have problems with it. I think the quotes you got really represented the people and their feelings towards having to advocate for their disabilities. One thing I might say is the paragraphs are a bit on the longer side, but either way I really enjoyed the article!
Bennet- I liked the topic of this article, and I think you addressed it in a nice way with good representation. It was engaging, had good spacing, and I like the word choices. As someone who doesn’t have the issue addressed in the article the writing was really able to make me sympathize with people who are bothered by the noise levels. One thing I might say is for a subhead it’s a little long. I appreciate the way it engages the reader but for the sake of the subhead it could be paired down to one sentence.
For starters, I really liked your headline, and it made me want to continue reading to figure out what the real impact of the academic accommodations are. The subheadline goes along with it well and gives more context to what the story will be focused on. I really enjoyed the quotes you got and how you changed the names to respect the privacy of the people who needed accommodations. One suggestion I have is to keep the paragraphs a little shorter so that the story can be a little more digestible. Other than that good job!
Natalie’s Story:
Good headline! I think it draws the attention of readers well. I think the length of your paragraphs is good and makes it easier to digest which is good. I really enjoyed your quotes and how you got a quote from the director of counseling and even a commuter student who isn’t really able to find time to use the free services offered at UNE. One suggestion I have is maybe explaining how people can find the support they can get from the counselors and talking about how there are posters all around campus. I thought this article was very interesting and had good view points!
Bennett’s Story:
I think this article was very relatable with all the loud noise that happens at night. I really enjoyed your quotes from not only students but an RA too. I also enjoyed how you explained how detrimental it is when people are being loud at night to the people who have noise sensitivity. You explained that really well! One suggestion I have is to reword the headline a little bit to keep it more of a statement rather than a question. Another suggestion might be to focus less on the motorcycle noises in the subheadline but to focus on the idea of what is going on at UNE for this article to be relevant. Great article!
For starters I think you have a really strong headline. It’s an interesting topic and sucks me as a reader right in. I also think your quotes did a good job at leading the story. They all provided a very unique perspective into the piece. Additionally, your paragraphs were all very similar length which made your article easy to flow through. Great job!
Natalie’s Feature
Your article was really interesting to read! One of the first things I noticed was how consistent and concise the paragraphs were. It made your article super digestible and was something I could really appreciate as a reader. I also like how early you were able to integrate and person and quote in your writing. This kept the article feeling quote driven rather than more of an academic essay. Really good job!
Bennetts article provides a strong, personal insight into the challenges faced by individuals with misophonia, particularly through Nikki Allen’s perspective. The use of Nikki’s and other people’s real-life experiences gives the topic greater depth and relatability, which helps readers understand it. The combination of misophonia’s mental and physical parts contributes to a more intricate understanding of the condition. The article emphasizes the significance of being mindful of other people’s sensitivities and skillfully illustrates the influence of common noises. More details on possible coping mechanisms or professional guidance would strengthen the article even further and provide a deeper awareness of the subject.
This story effectively brings awareness to misophonia and how it affects individuals in a college setting. The interviewees: Nikki, Elle, Josh, and Aiden provide insight into the daily struggles that people with sound sensitivities face. The writing is clear and empathetic. The inclusion of real-life experiences helps readers connect with the subject matter. However, the story could benefit from more depth in describing the emotional toll misophonia takes on individuals like Nikki. Exploring how these sound triggers impact her mental health beyond the practical challenges. Such as wearing headphones. This would add complexity. Additionally, more information about potential coping strategies or resources available to those with misophonia could offer helpful context for readers. On the positive side, the diverse perspectives helps emphasize that noise sensitivity is a shared issue. There is a nice conclusion that reinforces the story’s message.
Charlotte:
To improve, the story could be made clearer and more organized. It jumps between different ideas without smooth transitions, making it harder to follow. Grouping similar points together like explaining the process of requesting accommodations and then discussing how well they work would make the story flow better. Also, some parts could be more concise, and the introduction could be stronger with a clear main point. The story does a good job of sharing students’ experiences, especially with direct quotes, which make it feel personal. However, it could be more balanced by giving equal attention to both the positive and negative aspects of accommodations. A stronger conclusion that wraps up the main points and offers solutions would make the article more effective. What works well is the detailed description of accommodations and how they help students. These examples make the story relatable. With a bit more organization and focus, the article could be clearer and more engaging.
Natalie:
The story could benefit from better organization and clarity. The ideas feel a bit scattered, making it hard to follow. Grouping similar topics together such as discussing counseling services and wellness programs would help improve the flow. Some sections feel repetitive, so condensing the information would be good. The introduction could be simplified to directly explain how UNE supports mental health, followed by student and staff perspectives. The conclusion would also be stronger if it summarized the key points and provided a final takeaway about the effectiveness of these services. The different views, highlight a range of experiences with the support available making the story very relatable to the audience. The coverage of wellness programs like peer health education and stress-relief events is good information to have.
16 thoughts on “JOURNAL # 14 (FC FEEDBACK # 5)”
Charlotte
I really liked this piece. The sizes of the paragraphs make it very easy to consume and the quotes make it that much better. I would make the hook a little more detailed, consider adding who, what, when, where, why. You could most likely merge the first paragraph with the second one to do this. This will make it known from the start what the reading entails and will hook more readers. There were other minor mistakes, like punctuation, question marks for the questions.
Natalie
I really enjoyed how you introduced your topic. The background information you provided and your first sentence made the piece easy to read and engaging. You also have a very good split between quotes and the actual text. This is a minor note but pronouns should be stated right after the person’s name. Otherwise I really wouldn’t change anything about this writing, it is very good.
Bennett:
You have a ton of great information in your piece and the overall idea of it is super interesting. I also really like your use of quotes and think they aid your story in a great way. Taking information from Web MD is good, as it provides more textual evidence for the purpose of your article. I do like the title of your piece, but it is focused mostly on motorcycles. You only talk about motorcycles in the headline, sub headline and briefly in the paragraph with Aiden Fisher. I would instead rephrase your headline to not be a question either. You could say something along the lines of, “Being woken out of a deep sleep is common in college.” You are now broadening the playing field for different factors that may cause people to awaken at different points in their sleep, and your main focus will not only be on motorcycles anymore. It would be good to do this, because the quotes you used from other individuals talk about keeping down noise with fire alarms, garbage trucks and leaf blowing. I would also stay consistent with how you introduce who is talking because for a few of them you used first names, but for Aiden you used her last name.
Charlotte:
Something I really appreciate with your piece is that fact that you included a disclaimer stating that all names have been changed to respect the privacy of your interviewees. Especially for this topic, many students with accommodations would rather remain unnamed for different reasons, which is perfectly reasonable in journalism. Some find the need to still share their ideas, but want to remain anonymous. This may be a better way to introduce the individuals with them being “Anonymous” rather than changing their names. I really like your headline and think that it is great segmenting into the rest of your piece. Your sub headline and lead sort of counteract each other though, because in your sub headline you say that students find the accommodations to be helpful, but in your lead you say, “students shared their opinions on academic accommodations and “if” they are effective.” Even though the quotes you included make it seem that almost all of them felt positive about the support they are receiving, in your lead it seems like there should be another side to the argument. I also liked how you interviewed individuals who have different accommodations, and disabilities instead of focusing on just one. This strengthens your piece in a great way. Your second paragraph is loaded with information about what academic accommodations are and how UNE defines them. I would maybe switch this to be your third paragraph and act as your nut graf, pushing your third paragraph up as your second one.
Natalie:
I really enjoyed reading your piece, and think it is extremely well done. Your paragraphs are concise and roughly the same size as each other, which makes it really easy to digest and get through. You not only focused on one mental health resource available, but you included a ton of different ones. Your nut graf is also very well written and gives more background on what counseling exactly is and how it is meant to help students. It is also interesting how you were able to find interviewees like Vi and Lex who are student workers in the field. This provides great insight and a different view on the issue, as they are students handling their own stress but also want to help others. Your other quotes were great, and you included not only students, but a faculty member as well, giving a different angle on the argument. Something I would suggest is just looking over for some punctuation errors and minor wording changes. I do like your last paragraph as well, but would not necessarily say, “Everyone can agree college isn’t as easy ride.” You are in a way insinuating that everyone feels the same about college when it might not be the case. I also think you could rephrase your headline and say, “Mixed opinions on mental health support in college.” The headline you have now is fine, just missing a little something in my opinion.
Charlotte:
This was a great topic and you did it very well! It was great to hear the opinions of students who need different types of accommodations and how the school can help with them. You had a great headline and made you want to continue reading. Your sub worked very well too, it was nice and short but gave you the information you need to know before reading. I would definitely think of shortening the paragraphs as most of them are quite long. The information in the 2nd paragraph was great on how UNE handles accommodations. Overall this was a great piece and was interesting to read students take on their accommodations.
Natalie:
This is very well done! It was super easy to read with the short length of the paragraphs that you kept throughout. You got great quotes, I loved that you got a quote from the Director of Counseling. I think that added a lot to your article. I did not know anything about the counseling services at UNE but your article had great insight. The commuters’ view was really good and added an opposite opinion on someone who doesn’t use counseling. I would definitely think about rewording “Everyone can agree college isn’t an easy ride” into “A lot of people can agree that college isn’t an easy ride” The “Everyone” just insinuates that everyone feels that easy so change that might work better.
Bennett:
This is a very different piece, and I really enjoyed it. Your quotes were great and worked really well. I would definitely change your headline into something that is not a question, something like “Students are bothered about being woken up by a motorcycle” It was interesting in the quotes to see the different ways it affects people. I think your piece is more focused on many factors that wake college students up, so I think working on your subheadline to include that will work really well.
Charlotte
This was a very interesting article and had many different insights on what students with disabilities mat have provided to them or what may not. I liked the quotes used within the article and the protection of their identities. Another aspects that I liked was the explanation of what the disabilities and what effect it has on their specific major. The things that could be changed is the size of the paragraphs, there are a few larger paragraphs. Also, double check the capitalization of majors.
Natalie
This was a very interesting article, especially in the sense of how many people deal with mental illness today. I knew that their were a various amount of resources and options to for help. I liked that you reached out to various people within the UNE community and their quotes were very informative. There might be some rewording and rewriting of a few sentences that need happen, I would reread the article a load to ensure that it makes sense.
Bennett
This was very good article on an interesting topic. I think the connections between several different aspects of what noises that students have to deal with is very good. Also, the clarification on what some students may experience due a physical condition, though I would make sure to add the source at the end of the article. Another thing that I would change is ensuring that you use last names and give their majors. Another thing is I would reach out safety and security to see what they are trying to do about excessive noise from vehicles.
Bennett
I liked how you started this article with facts. It gives the reader background and information on why you are writing about your topic. A way that you could improve your piece is to try and find a solution. Maybe reach out to safety and security.
Charlotte’s Feature
First off, I think this is a very interesting topic! I really appreciate that you protected the names of the people interviewed. The interviews that you used provided some valuable insight. I really enjoyed the variety of quotes, with the mix of positive and negative comments. I also like your headline! It is interesting and gets to the point. The subheadline is a bit misleading. It says that students find it to be helpful, but some of the comments are negative. It should also be a sentence more about what to expect and provide some context. The lede has some good information but saying shared might be something to avoid. It is implying that a wide scale interview was conducted and not just by the journalist. The following paragraphs are full of great points! I really like the inclusion of the policy from the website. However, the paragraphs are too long. Try to keep the paragraphs no more than a few sentences and roughly the same size. One other suggestion would be to double check grammar such as commas and periods. There are a few places where there are some mistakes. Overall, a really nice job!
Natalie’s Feature
To start, this is a really cool topic! The headline and subheadline are really nice! One possible suggestion would be to avoid the word share. It implies a large survey was done. There should also be a period at the end of that sentence. I love your lede! The use of a more anecdotal lede was a great choice. The use of starting the feature off with a quote from the director of counseling is really smart. The interviews added a really nice touch. They provided interesting insights. I liked the variety of quotes from different employees and students. I also really liked the incorporation of the information on the stress reliving events put on by the Peer Health Educators and APB. It was a good idea to add other mental health resources besides the counseling center. One potential suggestion would be to shorten some paragraphs. They are a little on the longer side and shortening could make them easier to digest. Overall, this is really great! I enjoyed reading it a lot!
Bennett’s Feature
This is a very relatable topic that was a really good idea to write about! The headline is really fun! I would maybe rephrase it to be a statement and not a question. The subheadline is very interesting! I would maybe move this down to the lede, as it resembles an anecdotal lede. The subheadline should provide more context on the actual details. The incorporation of the information from WEB MD provides an interesting element. You also tied the quotes into the story nicely. You have a wide variety of quotes that cover most of the bases. Incorporating another quote from a student who does not feel that noise is a problem would be interesting. It would be interesting to hear from opposing viewpoints so the feature is not biased. One more suggestion would make sure the paragraphs stay roughly the same length. Most paragraphs are the perfect size but a couple are a little on the longer side. This was really great and I am excited to see the final product!
Charlotte’s Feature
This is a very interesting topic! I liked the headline, it described the article well. The subheadline is good, but you could add that some students had negative comments to make it more accurate. I liked the quotes used and the amount of context given. This made it easy to read because each paragraph had background information. I also liked how you explained the disabilities themselves and how that affected each of their majors. The paragraphs are on the longer side, it may be an easier read if you were able to break them up a bit. Overall, it’s a great first draft!
Natalie’s Feature
I enjoyed reading this! The quotes were great. They showed both sides from all perspectives. I like how you were able to talk to the Director of Counseling, it added the administrator’s point of view that the article needed. I especially liked getting the commuters’ perspective. The paragraph lengths were good, they made the article easy to read and digestible. I think the headline and subheadline go well together and describe the article. It was also nice that you added some other offerings the university has besides counseling, like the APB events. It allows students who may not feel comfortable going to counseling services another option to de-stress. This was a great first draft. Good job!
Bennet’s Feature
This was a relatable and interesting topic. I think you found great background information by describing the issues students deal with and adding in their perspective for more context. One thing I noticed was inconsistency with the use of the last name when quoting the students. It would be interesting to hear from other students or viewpoints in general who have different opinions on the noise complaints. You could also talk to security to see what the protocol is when dealing with these complaints and what they do to find a solution. I would also look at your headline. It mentions the students being bothered by a motorcycle, but you don’t touch much on that throughout the article. Overall, this article has a lot of good information. good job!
Bennett: This is an interesting story for me because I am someone who’s sensitive to sound as well. With that being said, I don’t stay on campus so seeing how other students who do stay here feel about noise on campus is interesting and informing. I think the inclusion of the statistics at the beginning of the story help to pull the reader in and give context for some of the noises heard on campus. I also think the quotes are very strong and relevant throughout the story, covering people who are more bothered by sounds and others who don’t necisarily struggle with sound. I also thought the definition of misophonia was perfectly timed and informative. The structure of the paragraphs was also a highlight for me, it allowed me to stay engaged with the story and had me looking quickly to the next paragraph for more information.
Charlotte: I like this story; I didn’t know much about accommodations here at UNE, so this was informative for me. The quotes were a highlight for me. You were able to cover people who felt their accommodations were solid as well as covering those who felt they weren’t accommodated as well as others. And in doing that you kept your opinion out of it and just presented the facts of what’s going on. I also thought the sheer number pf quotes was really strong for this story. There are quotes throughout the entire story and as I said they give different opinions. This adds layers to the story. The only thing I’d say is to try to find a way to split up some of those longer paragraphs so the story can flow. But other than that, I thought this was great.
Natalie: This story is really strong. Not only is it applicable for us here at UNE, but you can also apply it to every college. You do a great job using the quotes to highlight just how mixed opinions on this topic are. I feel like some of the paragraphs could be split up to allow the story to flow but even with the way it’s structured at the moment I was engaged and interested. I also enjoy the fact that quotes are spread throughout the entire story. Overall, this story is interesting, informative considering I didn’t know we had free counseling, and the quotes are strong and relevant. It flows well and pulls the reader in at the beginning of the story by baiting readers with the term “mixed”. For me this made me question why reviews were mixed and consequently pulled me into the story even more.
Charlotte: I really like how you were able to get a variety of people with various types of learning disabilities to show all the different perspectives. I also really like how you included at the end what * meant, and also love how you chose to respect their privacy and change their names. I have a couple of things: some grammatical errors to watch out for, some places you should add commas and colons, I’d rearrange a couple of sentences so they made a little more sense. In the 2nd paragraph you said “surveyed” I would just change the wording a bit because then it poses the question of who surveyed them. In the 4th paragraph I will say it doesn’t necessarily match you with your sub-headline. Your sub-headline sounds as if it is all positive, but in that paragraph it sounds like there are some struggles, so I’d reword your sub-headline to make sure you mention the positive and negatives that students experience. I noticed you also mentioned some students majors and others you didn’t, and in the ones you did mention, you didn’t capitalize their majors.
Natalie: I like how you were basically consistent with your size of paragraphs. I would just see if you could reword some things like your headline, specifically the “Among University” part, it just didn’t make sense. In the second paragraph I’d see if “student counseling” needs to be capitalized due to the way it’s worded. In the 3rd paragraph in the last sentence I’d reword “most any other mental health issue.” to “many other mental health issues.” Also, just double check for grammatical errors.
Bennett: I absolutely love your topic, even as someone who doesn’t suffer from mysophobia (I think you might have spelled it wrong btw), some of these noises really get on my nerves like the honking and fire alarms and motorcycles and blasting music. I like how you gained perspective from students as well as RA’s. I’d say maybe change the headline and sub-headline a little. I would maybe say your headline can say something about how students are affected by all the noises on campus, and talk a little bit more about that in your sub-headline. I think the motorcycle bit was great, I’d move that into your paper and see if you can interview other students about their experiences with music, car honking, and motorcycle revving.
Natalie- Mixed Opinions Among University
For starters I really like the headline of this article, I think that someone would read that and instantly want to know more. I also think this article has very good information being used here as well. An outsider coming in and even people on campus are not aware of the board and people being brought up in this article. I think some of the paragraphs could be shortened or split into another paragraph. Though I think the article is good as a whole, it is also very heavy on bringing up how the school does not make enough efforts. I’d say try to find another way to bring up how the school does an effort earlier in the article.
Bennett-Awaken by Motorcycles
I thought that this was a pretty relatable article to read, many people at some point in their life have dealt with difficult times sleeping because of loud noises. I also think that the people you interviewed gave others a good feel of what they are going through with these motorcycles. I would say this essay could use a bit of organizational word. I think the heading and subheading is pretty long if you could shorten that could help you out in the long run. Finally some of your paragraphs coil;d be turned into multiples if you do that. I think this essay could be something very strong.
Charlotte- I thought this was a strong piece overall. For starters the organization was not too long for the reader to not lose track. I also like how you kept your information private because many people do not want their business out there. I would just try to add a nut graph in there somewhere to make your article feel like it has all the proper things you need when writing today.
Charlotte: your article does a great job highlighting student experiences with academic help at the school. I like how you covered a variety of learning issues and the accomadations needed. Your headline was engaging and prepares the reader for an examination, however I think the sub headline could be reworked for a smoother transition as well as the lead. The final thing that stuck out to me was the paragraphs being a little long but a simple fix of breaking them up can make this piece easier to read.
Natalie: Your story covers a very important aspect of campus life and I think your headline and sub work well together to prepare the reader for the information they are getting. I think the length of the paragraphs are right on the line of not being too big yet presenting very readable information. The anecdotal lead is a nice touch as well. I think some more perspectives could be added however, like seeing what the mental health of commuters is like.
Bennett: Your article tackles a very relatable issue that everyone on campus has had to deal with. I thought it was really interesting how you brought in factual medical information about Misophonia and working it into the article. To go along with this you found a person who has this condition to give real insight. The quotes and information are great and make this article unique. A critique I have would be to re work the headline so its not asking a question to the reader. As well and shortening your sub. This will make a much better segway right into the great info you present.
Charlotte- I really like this article. Not everyone struggles with accommodation issues, and you really gave voice to the people who do have problems with it. I think the quotes you got really represented the people and their feelings towards having to advocate for their disabilities. One thing I might say is the paragraphs are a bit on the longer side, but either way I really enjoyed the article!
Bennet- I liked the topic of this article, and I think you addressed it in a nice way with good representation. It was engaging, had good spacing, and I like the word choices. As someone who doesn’t have the issue addressed in the article the writing was really able to make me sympathize with people who are bothered by the noise levels. One thing I might say is for a subhead it’s a little long. I appreciate the way it engages the reader but for the sake of the subhead it could be paired down to one sentence.
Charlotte’s Story:
For starters, I really liked your headline, and it made me want to continue reading to figure out what the real impact of the academic accommodations are. The subheadline goes along with it well and gives more context to what the story will be focused on. I really enjoyed the quotes you got and how you changed the names to respect the privacy of the people who needed accommodations. One suggestion I have is to keep the paragraphs a little shorter so that the story can be a little more digestible. Other than that good job!
Natalie’s Story:
Good headline! I think it draws the attention of readers well. I think the length of your paragraphs is good and makes it easier to digest which is good. I really enjoyed your quotes and how you got a quote from the director of counseling and even a commuter student who isn’t really able to find time to use the free services offered at UNE. One suggestion I have is maybe explaining how people can find the support they can get from the counselors and talking about how there are posters all around campus. I thought this article was very interesting and had good view points!
Bennett’s Story:
I think this article was very relatable with all the loud noise that happens at night. I really enjoyed your quotes from not only students but an RA too. I also enjoyed how you explained how detrimental it is when people are being loud at night to the people who have noise sensitivity. You explained that really well! One suggestion I have is to reword the headline a little bit to keep it more of a statement rather than a question. Another suggestion might be to focus less on the motorcycle noises in the subheadline but to focus on the idea of what is going on at UNE for this article to be relevant. Great article!
Charlotte’s Feature
For starters I think you have a really strong headline. It’s an interesting topic and sucks me as a reader right in. I also think your quotes did a good job at leading the story. They all provided a very unique perspective into the piece. Additionally, your paragraphs were all very similar length which made your article easy to flow through. Great job!
Natalie’s Feature
Your article was really interesting to read! One of the first things I noticed was how consistent and concise the paragraphs were. It made your article super digestible and was something I could really appreciate as a reader. I also like how early you were able to integrate and person and quote in your writing. This kept the article feeling quote driven rather than more of an academic essay. Really good job!
Bennett’s Feature
Bennetts article provides a strong, personal insight into the challenges faced by individuals with misophonia, particularly through Nikki Allen’s perspective. The use of Nikki’s and other people’s real-life experiences gives the topic greater depth and relatability, which helps readers understand it. The combination of misophonia’s mental and physical parts contributes to a more intricate understanding of the condition. The article emphasizes the significance of being mindful of other people’s sensitivities and skillfully illustrates the influence of common noises. More details on possible coping mechanisms or professional guidance would strengthen the article even further and provide a deeper awareness of the subject.
Bennett:
This story effectively brings awareness to misophonia and how it affects individuals in a college setting. The interviewees: Nikki, Elle, Josh, and Aiden provide insight into the daily struggles that people with sound sensitivities face. The writing is clear and empathetic. The inclusion of real-life experiences helps readers connect with the subject matter. However, the story could benefit from more depth in describing the emotional toll misophonia takes on individuals like Nikki. Exploring how these sound triggers impact her mental health beyond the practical challenges. Such as wearing headphones. This would add complexity. Additionally, more information about potential coping strategies or resources available to those with misophonia could offer helpful context for readers. On the positive side, the diverse perspectives helps emphasize that noise sensitivity is a shared issue. There is a nice conclusion that reinforces the story’s message.
Charlotte:
To improve, the story could be made clearer and more organized. It jumps between different ideas without smooth transitions, making it harder to follow. Grouping similar points together like explaining the process of requesting accommodations and then discussing how well they work would make the story flow better. Also, some parts could be more concise, and the introduction could be stronger with a clear main point. The story does a good job of sharing students’ experiences, especially with direct quotes, which make it feel personal. However, it could be more balanced by giving equal attention to both the positive and negative aspects of accommodations. A stronger conclusion that wraps up the main points and offers solutions would make the article more effective. What works well is the detailed description of accommodations and how they help students. These examples make the story relatable. With a bit more organization and focus, the article could be clearer and more engaging.
Natalie:
The story could benefit from better organization and clarity. The ideas feel a bit scattered, making it hard to follow. Grouping similar topics together such as discussing counseling services and wellness programs would help improve the flow. Some sections feel repetitive, so condensing the information would be good. The introduction could be simplified to directly explain how UNE supports mental health, followed by student and staff perspectives. The conclusion would also be stronger if it summarized the key points and provided a final takeaway about the effectiveness of these services. The different views, highlight a range of experiences with the support available making the story very relatable to the audience. The coverage of wellness programs like peer health education and stress-relief events is good information to have.