First of all, this is a really great topic! There is a lot that you can say about this and you have done a really nice job tackling it! I really enjoyed the headline. It packed a punch and it was immediately intriguing. The sub headline has potential, but be wary of using “interviewed”. As talked about in class, it could come off as a large scale interview put on by the University. I would also maybe move “February 2025” to the lede. I think the sub headline would be good if you just removed “interviewed in February 2025”. It would still work without that! You do a really good job setting the scene and providing context for the reader. Any non-UNE would be able to get the picture of what our technology system is like. All of the interviews provide a really valuable insight for the story. I especially like the quote from the transfer student. The comparison between schools has a really nice touch. It would be interesting to hear from students who do like the systems. Additionally, having quotes from professors could add an interesting perspective. I am curious to see what they have to say. Overall, this is really good! I really enjoyed reading it!
Abby’s Feature
This was a really good idea for a topic! My favorite part of the piece are the quotes. Each quote provides a valuable insight. It was really great to hear from all sides of the story. I especially liked the inclusion of a non-athlete. Journalists need to provide an angle without coloring it by their views. You did a great job with that, and I can’t tell what side you believe in. The structure of the feature is also great. The paragraphs are the perfect length and are separated in the correct spots. One critique is that the sub headline mentions priority course selection, but that it is not explicitly said in the article. The fifth paragraph mentions that varsity athletes should go first. It might be beneficial to mention what they should go first for. Overall, I really like this article! It was interesting to read and I am excited to see the final version!
I was hooked in right off the bat with your headline. It is clear, concise and leaves readers wanting to know more about why online services are “Superb or Subpar.” Your second paragraph is great and gives the necessary background information on what platforms we use, which is not the same worldwide. In your 4th paragraph, we could see it as a nut graf but could use more information regarding why two factor authentication is becoming a more recent thing and what the pros/cons of using it are. I also think it is extremely interesting how you used quotes from a student who transferred from another college. I think this is something you should try to find more of, which would allow you to leave an even bigger impact on readers. People love seeing a direct comparison between two things, and finding more transfer students to interview would enhance your storytelling technique even more. A minor detail is how you capitalized the C in “Case” in your lead. Also, in your paragraph introducing Michael Sullivan, you could cut out the part where you say “at UNE” since we know the student already goes here. Great job!
Abby’s Feature
Overall, I think this is a great topic and you wrote in a very appealing way. I do really like the way you introduced the students you interviewed and sectioned them off into almost 4 separate parts. You start off introducing Hannah Cook and what majors/minors she is and what sports she plays. Then in the paragraph following, you go in depth on her schedule and practices. In the two paragraphs following you give specific examples of how you utilized her quotes which aided the argument of your story. There are many different angles to this story, as each student you interviewed has a different reason why they feel a certain way. The way you included a non-athlete is also important since she left her athletics in the past and chose a different life in college. A suggestion I have is with your sub headline which was a bit hard to follow. If you write the same idea in a more clear and concise way I think it will be a better pathway into the article itself. You would also need to write it in a way that includes your non-athlete, as in your sub headline you are directly focusing on student-athletes which does not pertain to all of your interviewees. I also think adding some more background on student athletes as a whole and how in more recent years, athletes are diagnosed with mental health issues and anxiety would give you more ideas to work with.
Jadyn’s Feature
I really liked your overall story and the idea behind your topic. Starting from the beginning, your hook is good and straight to the point with a question. Your sub headline gives a bit more background information on what Safe Ride is, as you described it as the campus shuttle. In your lead though, you give a direct line stating what Safe Ride is, where it is located, and the time this report is taking place. I also liked how in your third paragraph you are describing an interviewee and providing a quote alongside it, which is directly followed by a paragraph explaining how students can track Safe Ride. This is crucial to your story, because not all readers will know details about the topic you are writing about and need background information to fill them in. I also really liked your last 2 sentences because they perfectly sum up what the report was about and how even though there were two angles, there was an agreement of safety being the main priority when getting around campus. Something that I would suggest taking time to look at would be the headline, sub headline and lead. You have some really good information throughout the three sections, but especially in your sub headline I think there needs to be a bit more information about what Safe Ride is. As the headline stands alone, if I were an outsider, I would have no idea what Safe Ride is and question why I should continue reading about it. Instead, you could write your headline as “Campus Shuttles: Are they really reliable?” In this way you are still introducing Safe Ride but generalizing what it is. Then in your sub headline you could write “Students at the University of New England find the campus shuttle to be an unrealistic means of transportation.”
Jadyn Stevens – Safe Ride
This article was very good overall and has good bones. There are clear theme(s) and the structure is good. Though there are several grammatical errors and formatting within the article that need to looked at, like when discussing Rachel Xavier, there is a switch between use of their first and last name, among small placement (or lack of) commas. Another thing is the sub heading is appearing to be opinionated or at least the opinion of students, even though this statement if fairly true. I would transition it to be more neutral or more like a question to allow for transparency. Another thing, maybe splitting the third paragraph into two, I would suggest at the point between ‘journey treacherous’ and ‘Students like Xavier’ there is a transition into something new there.
Casey Jordan – UNE Systems
This was a very well rounded article with very good information and many sides/perspectives. Paragraph sizes and flow of the article was good as well. There is some inconsistency with use of names, majors, and years. You started by stated their major, name, and year then stopped half way through. Just make sure the your consistent, also double check what is capitalized with regards to this. Also, maybe state the university name and then in parenthesis put UNE to ensure those who don’t know the abbreviation understand what you are saying. Another thing, interview someone with IT or the people who employed by UNE and run this system to get their reasoning and side of the system.
Abby Anthony – College Athletics
This was a very good article and had many good points within it. I really liked the the sub-header, it was a lot and very little information which drew me into the article. One thing I want to point out is to make sure that the name of majors and minors are capitalized. The quotes are really good and fit well into the article. Also, I like how you brought in the perspective of a non-athlete showcasing the other side. As well as the differences and the kind of call to action about getting club sports to have similar priorities as college sports with scheduling for classes. Overall, well written and well thought out.
Casey Jordan- UNE Services
I think this is a very interesting topic that people on campus would be very interested in. For starters I thought Casey’s organization throughout his article was very organized and easy to read. Not only that but I think Luke O’ Leary’s quotes and talking about another university is what made this writing stand out. One thing that he could work on though is actually saying the words The University of New England. If an outside reader who did not know what UNE is would be confused about the setting in this story. I also think he could add more to his final paragraph. Summing up your article and bringing back some of the things you discussed at the beginning of the story will give this piece the ending this article deserves. Nonetheless, a very well organized article that is a modern topic.
Abby Anthony- College Athletics
I also think this article is very well organized, the newer generation has a very low attention span so in their eyes the less they have to read the better. Not only that I thought that this was a really interesting article. Being one of the varsity athletes on campus it makes you look at the sacrifices even the club members have to make. The thing that helps this article stand out in my opinion was having an interview with a varsity team member and a club team member to see both sides. One ting I would suggest is possibly having a simpler sub heading. At first reading there is a lot of bigger words in which could make it difficult to understand or comprehend at first. Making the writing easier to understand would help the article flow.
Jadyn Stevens- Safe Ride
I thought Jadyn’s topic is a very relatable topic for students that live on campus. For starters I like her choice of words throughout the article. Using words like frigid temperatures makes the reader want to know more about what is going on. Also interviewing students and security was a really good idea to use for your interviews. Seeing the situations from the students that try and use safe ride as well as Linden the man who runs security to get two people’s completely different perspectives. One thing I would suggest is condensing your second paragraph. I think if you cut that paragraph after the third sentence the article would still be the same. I also think interviewing a student who has called security when in need for a ride could be a interesting idea to see how that process has gone could give this writing another perspective.
This was really great! The quotes you had were super relatable and went with your article really well. I think it was really good you got both positive and negative opinions. In paragraph 6 “Not all of UNE’s systems receive negative feedback. Brightspace, where students go to do all of their coursework, is an easy tool to navigate according to Sophomore UNE student Max Arbour. “I find that brightspace was an easy thing to use from the start.’…” This was a really great part to add in and kept your article from leaning a certain way. It was also great having a student who’s experienced other university websites and comparing them, that was a great addition to see what other universities are doing and how those students feel about it. The only thing I would work on is the conclusion, I think adding a little more would really benefit the article and wrap it up.
Abby:
I really loved this topic! I don’t really know much about student athletes’ schedules and what they deal with so this was great to read. I loved how you got two quotes from a varsity and a non varsity athlete, that comparison really worked with your article. Going into depth on each student’s schedule was really good and gave the reader a good understanding of their schedule. The only change I would make is changing the sub headline because you say “Varsity student-athletes often have rigorous schedules, leading to priority in class selection and excused absences to accommodate practices, lifts, and games” But you include quotes from non varsity athletes. So, including non varsity in your sub headline will make it more clear on what the article is about.
Jaydn:
I loved this topic! Your article was great in not leaning in a positive or negative way. It was great that you got quotes from students who live in Sokokis and are far from the main buildings, so Safe Ride is a great way of transportation in the cold winter months. It was great that you got a quote from security, it was really interesting to hear their side of Safe Ride. A big problem I have seen is the inconsistency of the times Safe Ride runs, so It was great you touched on that topic. One suggestion I have is keeping the consistency of using the last name when talking about someone you interviewed. In paragraph 3 you use Xavier when talking about that person, but then in paragraph 4 you use Heather. So I would just go over that and keep that consistency of using a last name.
Casey: I think you have a very interesting topics with lots of potential. I also think you use a lot of great quotes from your sources as well as having the variety – students who dislike it, like it, as well as students who transferred in and aren’t used to it. I like how towards the end you touch on both ends of the question. However, there are a few things I would comment on that would make it even better. There are some grammatical errors throughout where some periods seem like they should be commas, some of the wording doesn’t completely make sense, but I can see where you were going with it so it’s not major, but definitely something to fix. There’s not a huge tone, but a small background tone that makes it seem like you are picking a side in the beginning. Like I said, towards the end you touch on both sides, but in the beginning it seems clear to me as a reader that you the writer are unhappy with UNE’s applications and how they are run. Fixing some of those grammatical errors and possible wording choices and just creating a more neutral tone will make this awesome!
Abby: I think you have a very interesting topic and I love how you keep it engaging not only with the information but the paragraph size as well. However, I would say that I would reword your last paragraph it seems like you are picking a side. I like what you said, just reword the beginning of it to how this is the idea you’re getting from what they are saying. I think some of the paragraphs can go together as well, like when you introduce people you can keep it with their paragraph rather than breaking it up into 3 paragraphs you can keep it at 1 or 2 seems good. Other than that its great!
Jadyn: I think you have a great idea for your story it is such an important issue on campus. I really like the perspectives you gained, especially the girl with the bad knee because it really shows how reliable people are on safe ride for many reasons, but that is a huge reason that gets it through how bad it is for safe ride to not be holding up their promise to the students. I think you have a good heading and sub heading, maybe add a little something to the sub heading though. I think it is very good and straight to the point, but maybe too blunt? Regardless, paper is great, size of paragraphs are great as well as all the different perspectives and quotes you gained!
I think this is a very interesting topic. It’s relatable to both students and professors that the applications show an apparent issue. The theme was clear throughout the entire article and showed different viewpoints from students. I especially liked how he included a different perspective by asking a transfer student to compare what it was like at their old school. The headline was intriguing and made me want to read more. I think the sub-headline could use some tweaking. All the information is great, but just needs to be reconfigured. Instead of having “Students interviewed in February 2025” in the sub-headline, that could be moved to the lead. This helps free up space to describe the article as a whole rather than later in the article. I also noticed that this topic is mainly focused on student services. Maybe also reach out to professors and see if they experience the same issues on their end while using the same applications. Overall this was interesting to read and flowed well.
Jaydn’s Feature
I found this topic very interesting. The headline and subheadline are short and sweet which allows readers to be drawn in. I loved her choice of words throughout the article as it kept me engaged and wanting to read more of what she had to say. Adding different perspectives to this issue also opens student’s eyes that the situation may not be all that bad. I like how she made sure to interview students with different reasons for using safe rides as well. The paragraphs were on the larger end, but I do feel like you could get away with this because they are packed with information. One suggestion I have is to make sure to use the last names of those interviewed. A few times they were switched but other than that it was great!
Casey: I loved the topic of this story, it’s relevant to everybody on campus, and something we all deal with every day. I also appreciated the quote and perspective of the transfer student, being one myself as I got deeper into the story, I began to think about my previous schools’ systems and realized that although they had they controversial two-step authentication, their product was still much easier than UNE’s. They also used different systems, but I do find specific parts of UNE’s systems better than my previous university. So, with that being said, I think the other side of the story needs to be covered more. I can tell which way you side as the author because of some choice words and the lack of positive outlooks on systems here at UNE. Other than that, I think this story is very strong and interesting. The headline and sub headline do a great job introducing the problem and posing a question while also pulling the reader in.
Abby: Being an athlete here with a very interesting schedule, this story really resonated with me. That alone pulled me into this piece. On top of that, the paragraphs were kept short, clear and easy to follow, and flowed well. The quotes were interesting and covered both sides of the issue. By highlighting a multi-sport athlete as well as a club athlete you were able to tap into the perspectives of those who this affects directly. Not only were their perspectives covered, but the last quote also offers the viewpoint of someone who isn’t an athlete and isn’t affected directly. I felt this added layers to the story and worked to keep your opinion out of the piece completely. The only criticism I have would be to try to find a way to reword the sub headline, so it flows better when posing a question, but other than that I thought this checked a lot of boxes.
Jadyn: This is an interesting topic; I’ve never been on the safe ride, but I do often see students walking in all sorts of weather. I feel like you do a good job keeping your opinion out of it and using the student’s opinion and quotes to make statements. I think the third paragraph should be split into two after the word treacherous just to shorten it up and allow the story to continue to flow. The inclusion of the app is interesting and the quote about the app is clear, flows well, and is relevant to the story. You also do a good job providing the perspective of the University and in turn the bus driver. But in doing so, like I said above, you do a good job keeping your opinion out of it. The conclusion also wraps everything up perfectly in my opinion by highlighting that both sides are having issues but they also both want the same thing.
First off, I really like your headline! It is really intriguing and definitely hooks readers in. The subheadline also does a good job at providing more context. I also think that the quotes you chose to use were super interesting and provided good perspectives on the topic. I wonder if you could find one more transfer student from a different school and see what they think about UNE’s systems. Getting some quotes from professors could also be pretty cool. Overall, I really liked reading your article and found it super interesting!
Abby’s Feature
As a student athlete I found your article to be very interesting! The headline and subheadline both worked very well and hooked me right in. I think it would be cool if you maybe added more information about the priority scheduling and how a non-athlete might feel about it being fair or not. I think it’s also important to note though that you say there are “excused absences to accommodate practices, lifts, and games”. This is only the case for games and it’s actually against NCAA rules to miss a class for practice or lift. Outside of that I think the article was great and really enjoyed reading it!
Jadyn’s Feature
I think this is a really great topic! It is super relevant on campus and I think lots of people would find it very interesting. With your quotes I think you found a lot of great perspectives on the issue. Nothing felt super one sided and it felt like you were reporting the facts. I think it would be interesting if you could find out if any other schools in the area offer something like Safe Ride and see what they do. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your article and think you did a great job!
Casey’s article’s use of various student viewpoints gave it a genuine and approachable feel. I also like how the article emphasizes Brightspace’s success and the problems with programs like OKTA and Compass. The comparison to Bridgewater State University provides helpful background information and shows how UNE’s systems stack up against others. Overall, the article feels impactful and relevant because it addresses a current issue that many students deal with.
Abby’s article presents various viewpoints on balancing academics and athletics. It draws attention to the challenges faced by varsity athletes and non-athletes. I found it interesting that while club athletes struggle with late practices and excused absences, varsity athletes have demanding schedules but believe that their commitment is worthwhile. I also liked how the article also provides a good look at how athletics develop a sense of community on campus.
In Jayden’s article, I liked how it talked about how students are frequently left waiting outside because of the shuttle’s frequently inaccurate tracker because that is something I can relate to. The article accurately explores the difficulties students face and the initiatives taken to increase safety.
10 thoughts on “JOURNAL # 11 (FC FEEDBACK # 2).”
Casey’s Feature
First of all, this is a really great topic! There is a lot that you can say about this and you have done a really nice job tackling it! I really enjoyed the headline. It packed a punch and it was immediately intriguing. The sub headline has potential, but be wary of using “interviewed”. As talked about in class, it could come off as a large scale interview put on by the University. I would also maybe move “February 2025” to the lede. I think the sub headline would be good if you just removed “interviewed in February 2025”. It would still work without that! You do a really good job setting the scene and providing context for the reader. Any non-UNE would be able to get the picture of what our technology system is like. All of the interviews provide a really valuable insight for the story. I especially like the quote from the transfer student. The comparison between schools has a really nice touch. It would be interesting to hear from students who do like the systems. Additionally, having quotes from professors could add an interesting perspective. I am curious to see what they have to say. Overall, this is really good! I really enjoyed reading it!
Abby’s Feature
This was a really good idea for a topic! My favorite part of the piece are the quotes. Each quote provides a valuable insight. It was really great to hear from all sides of the story. I especially liked the inclusion of a non-athlete. Journalists need to provide an angle without coloring it by their views. You did a great job with that, and I can’t tell what side you believe in. The structure of the feature is also great. The paragraphs are the perfect length and are separated in the correct spots. One critique is that the sub headline mentions priority course selection, but that it is not explicitly said in the article. The fifth paragraph mentions that varsity athletes should go first. It might be beneficial to mention what they should go first for. Overall, I really like this article! It was interesting to read and I am excited to see the final version!
Casey’s Feature
I was hooked in right off the bat with your headline. It is clear, concise and leaves readers wanting to know more about why online services are “Superb or Subpar.” Your second paragraph is great and gives the necessary background information on what platforms we use, which is not the same worldwide. In your 4th paragraph, we could see it as a nut graf but could use more information regarding why two factor authentication is becoming a more recent thing and what the pros/cons of using it are. I also think it is extremely interesting how you used quotes from a student who transferred from another college. I think this is something you should try to find more of, which would allow you to leave an even bigger impact on readers. People love seeing a direct comparison between two things, and finding more transfer students to interview would enhance your storytelling technique even more. A minor detail is how you capitalized the C in “Case” in your lead. Also, in your paragraph introducing Michael Sullivan, you could cut out the part where you say “at UNE” since we know the student already goes here. Great job!
Abby’s Feature
Overall, I think this is a great topic and you wrote in a very appealing way. I do really like the way you introduced the students you interviewed and sectioned them off into almost 4 separate parts. You start off introducing Hannah Cook and what majors/minors she is and what sports she plays. Then in the paragraph following, you go in depth on her schedule and practices. In the two paragraphs following you give specific examples of how you utilized her quotes which aided the argument of your story. There are many different angles to this story, as each student you interviewed has a different reason why they feel a certain way. The way you included a non-athlete is also important since she left her athletics in the past and chose a different life in college. A suggestion I have is with your sub headline which was a bit hard to follow. If you write the same idea in a more clear and concise way I think it will be a better pathway into the article itself. You would also need to write it in a way that includes your non-athlete, as in your sub headline you are directly focusing on student-athletes which does not pertain to all of your interviewees. I also think adding some more background on student athletes as a whole and how in more recent years, athletes are diagnosed with mental health issues and anxiety would give you more ideas to work with.
Jadyn’s Feature
I really liked your overall story and the idea behind your topic. Starting from the beginning, your hook is good and straight to the point with a question. Your sub headline gives a bit more background information on what Safe Ride is, as you described it as the campus shuttle. In your lead though, you give a direct line stating what Safe Ride is, where it is located, and the time this report is taking place. I also liked how in your third paragraph you are describing an interviewee and providing a quote alongside it, which is directly followed by a paragraph explaining how students can track Safe Ride. This is crucial to your story, because not all readers will know details about the topic you are writing about and need background information to fill them in. I also really liked your last 2 sentences because they perfectly sum up what the report was about and how even though there were two angles, there was an agreement of safety being the main priority when getting around campus. Something that I would suggest taking time to look at would be the headline, sub headline and lead. You have some really good information throughout the three sections, but especially in your sub headline I think there needs to be a bit more information about what Safe Ride is. As the headline stands alone, if I were an outsider, I would have no idea what Safe Ride is and question why I should continue reading about it. Instead, you could write your headline as “Campus Shuttles: Are they really reliable?” In this way you are still introducing Safe Ride but generalizing what it is. Then in your sub headline you could write “Students at the University of New England find the campus shuttle to be an unrealistic means of transportation.”
Jadyn Stevens – Safe Ride
This article was very good overall and has good bones. There are clear theme(s) and the structure is good. Though there are several grammatical errors and formatting within the article that need to looked at, like when discussing Rachel Xavier, there is a switch between use of their first and last name, among small placement (or lack of) commas. Another thing is the sub heading is appearing to be opinionated or at least the opinion of students, even though this statement if fairly true. I would transition it to be more neutral or more like a question to allow for transparency. Another thing, maybe splitting the third paragraph into two, I would suggest at the point between ‘journey treacherous’ and ‘Students like Xavier’ there is a transition into something new there.
Casey Jordan – UNE Systems
This was a very well rounded article with very good information and many sides/perspectives. Paragraph sizes and flow of the article was good as well. There is some inconsistency with use of names, majors, and years. You started by stated their major, name, and year then stopped half way through. Just make sure the your consistent, also double check what is capitalized with regards to this. Also, maybe state the university name and then in parenthesis put UNE to ensure those who don’t know the abbreviation understand what you are saying. Another thing, interview someone with IT or the people who employed by UNE and run this system to get their reasoning and side of the system.
Abby Anthony – College Athletics
This was a very good article and had many good points within it. I really liked the the sub-header, it was a lot and very little information which drew me into the article. One thing I want to point out is to make sure that the name of majors and minors are capitalized. The quotes are really good and fit well into the article. Also, I like how you brought in the perspective of a non-athlete showcasing the other side. As well as the differences and the kind of call to action about getting club sports to have similar priorities as college sports with scheduling for classes. Overall, well written and well thought out.
Casey Jordan- UNE Services
I think this is a very interesting topic that people on campus would be very interested in. For starters I thought Casey’s organization throughout his article was very organized and easy to read. Not only that but I think Luke O’ Leary’s quotes and talking about another university is what made this writing stand out. One thing that he could work on though is actually saying the words The University of New England. If an outside reader who did not know what UNE is would be confused about the setting in this story. I also think he could add more to his final paragraph. Summing up your article and bringing back some of the things you discussed at the beginning of the story will give this piece the ending this article deserves. Nonetheless, a very well organized article that is a modern topic.
Abby Anthony- College Athletics
I also think this article is very well organized, the newer generation has a very low attention span so in their eyes the less they have to read the better. Not only that I thought that this was a really interesting article. Being one of the varsity athletes on campus it makes you look at the sacrifices even the club members have to make. The thing that helps this article stand out in my opinion was having an interview with a varsity team member and a club team member to see both sides. One ting I would suggest is possibly having a simpler sub heading. At first reading there is a lot of bigger words in which could make it difficult to understand or comprehend at first. Making the writing easier to understand would help the article flow.
Jadyn Stevens- Safe Ride
I thought Jadyn’s topic is a very relatable topic for students that live on campus. For starters I like her choice of words throughout the article. Using words like frigid temperatures makes the reader want to know more about what is going on. Also interviewing students and security was a really good idea to use for your interviews. Seeing the situations from the students that try and use safe ride as well as Linden the man who runs security to get two people’s completely different perspectives. One thing I would suggest is condensing your second paragraph. I think if you cut that paragraph after the third sentence the article would still be the same. I also think interviewing a student who has called security when in need for a ride could be a interesting idea to see how that process has gone could give this writing another perspective.
Casey:
This was really great! The quotes you had were super relatable and went with your article really well. I think it was really good you got both positive and negative opinions. In paragraph 6 “Not all of UNE’s systems receive negative feedback. Brightspace, where students go to do all of their coursework, is an easy tool to navigate according to Sophomore UNE student Max Arbour. “I find that brightspace was an easy thing to use from the start.’…” This was a really great part to add in and kept your article from leaning a certain way. It was also great having a student who’s experienced other university websites and comparing them, that was a great addition to see what other universities are doing and how those students feel about it. The only thing I would work on is the conclusion, I think adding a little more would really benefit the article and wrap it up.
Abby:
I really loved this topic! I don’t really know much about student athletes’ schedules and what they deal with so this was great to read. I loved how you got two quotes from a varsity and a non varsity athlete, that comparison really worked with your article. Going into depth on each student’s schedule was really good and gave the reader a good understanding of their schedule. The only change I would make is changing the sub headline because you say “Varsity student-athletes often have rigorous schedules, leading to priority in class selection and excused absences to accommodate practices, lifts, and games” But you include quotes from non varsity athletes. So, including non varsity in your sub headline will make it more clear on what the article is about.
Jaydn:
I loved this topic! Your article was great in not leaning in a positive or negative way. It was great that you got quotes from students who live in Sokokis and are far from the main buildings, so Safe Ride is a great way of transportation in the cold winter months. It was great that you got a quote from security, it was really interesting to hear their side of Safe Ride. A big problem I have seen is the inconsistency of the times Safe Ride runs, so It was great you touched on that topic. One suggestion I have is keeping the consistency of using the last name when talking about someone you interviewed. In paragraph 3 you use Xavier when talking about that person, but then in paragraph 4 you use Heather. So I would just go over that and keep that consistency of using a last name.
Casey: I think you have a very interesting topics with lots of potential. I also think you use a lot of great quotes from your sources as well as having the variety – students who dislike it, like it, as well as students who transferred in and aren’t used to it. I like how towards the end you touch on both ends of the question. However, there are a few things I would comment on that would make it even better. There are some grammatical errors throughout where some periods seem like they should be commas, some of the wording doesn’t completely make sense, but I can see where you were going with it so it’s not major, but definitely something to fix. There’s not a huge tone, but a small background tone that makes it seem like you are picking a side in the beginning. Like I said, towards the end you touch on both sides, but in the beginning it seems clear to me as a reader that you the writer are unhappy with UNE’s applications and how they are run. Fixing some of those grammatical errors and possible wording choices and just creating a more neutral tone will make this awesome!
Abby: I think you have a very interesting topic and I love how you keep it engaging not only with the information but the paragraph size as well. However, I would say that I would reword your last paragraph it seems like you are picking a side. I like what you said, just reword the beginning of it to how this is the idea you’re getting from what they are saying. I think some of the paragraphs can go together as well, like when you introduce people you can keep it with their paragraph rather than breaking it up into 3 paragraphs you can keep it at 1 or 2 seems good. Other than that its great!
Jadyn: I think you have a great idea for your story it is such an important issue on campus. I really like the perspectives you gained, especially the girl with the bad knee because it really shows how reliable people are on safe ride for many reasons, but that is a huge reason that gets it through how bad it is for safe ride to not be holding up their promise to the students. I think you have a good heading and sub heading, maybe add a little something to the sub heading though. I think it is very good and straight to the point, but maybe too blunt? Regardless, paper is great, size of paragraphs are great as well as all the different perspectives and quotes you gained!
Casey’s Feature
I think this is a very interesting topic. It’s relatable to both students and professors that the applications show an apparent issue. The theme was clear throughout the entire article and showed different viewpoints from students. I especially liked how he included a different perspective by asking a transfer student to compare what it was like at their old school. The headline was intriguing and made me want to read more. I think the sub-headline could use some tweaking. All the information is great, but just needs to be reconfigured. Instead of having “Students interviewed in February 2025” in the sub-headline, that could be moved to the lead. This helps free up space to describe the article as a whole rather than later in the article. I also noticed that this topic is mainly focused on student services. Maybe also reach out to professors and see if they experience the same issues on their end while using the same applications. Overall this was interesting to read and flowed well.
Jaydn’s Feature
I found this topic very interesting. The headline and subheadline are short and sweet which allows readers to be drawn in. I loved her choice of words throughout the article as it kept me engaged and wanting to read more of what she had to say. Adding different perspectives to this issue also opens student’s eyes that the situation may not be all that bad. I like how she made sure to interview students with different reasons for using safe rides as well. The paragraphs were on the larger end, but I do feel like you could get away with this because they are packed with information. One suggestion I have is to make sure to use the last names of those interviewed. A few times they were switched but other than that it was great!
Casey: I loved the topic of this story, it’s relevant to everybody on campus, and something we all deal with every day. I also appreciated the quote and perspective of the transfer student, being one myself as I got deeper into the story, I began to think about my previous schools’ systems and realized that although they had they controversial two-step authentication, their product was still much easier than UNE’s. They also used different systems, but I do find specific parts of UNE’s systems better than my previous university. So, with that being said, I think the other side of the story needs to be covered more. I can tell which way you side as the author because of some choice words and the lack of positive outlooks on systems here at UNE. Other than that, I think this story is very strong and interesting. The headline and sub headline do a great job introducing the problem and posing a question while also pulling the reader in.
Abby: Being an athlete here with a very interesting schedule, this story really resonated with me. That alone pulled me into this piece. On top of that, the paragraphs were kept short, clear and easy to follow, and flowed well. The quotes were interesting and covered both sides of the issue. By highlighting a multi-sport athlete as well as a club athlete you were able to tap into the perspectives of those who this affects directly. Not only were their perspectives covered, but the last quote also offers the viewpoint of someone who isn’t an athlete and isn’t affected directly. I felt this added layers to the story and worked to keep your opinion out of the piece completely. The only criticism I have would be to try to find a way to reword the sub headline, so it flows better when posing a question, but other than that I thought this checked a lot of boxes.
Jadyn: This is an interesting topic; I’ve never been on the safe ride, but I do often see students walking in all sorts of weather. I feel like you do a good job keeping your opinion out of it and using the student’s opinion and quotes to make statements. I think the third paragraph should be split into two after the word treacherous just to shorten it up and allow the story to continue to flow. The inclusion of the app is interesting and the quote about the app is clear, flows well, and is relevant to the story. You also do a good job providing the perspective of the University and in turn the bus driver. But in doing so, like I said above, you do a good job keeping your opinion out of it. The conclusion also wraps everything up perfectly in my opinion by highlighting that both sides are having issues but they also both want the same thing.
Casey’s Feature
First off, I really like your headline! It is really intriguing and definitely hooks readers in. The subheadline also does a good job at providing more context. I also think that the quotes you chose to use were super interesting and provided good perspectives on the topic. I wonder if you could find one more transfer student from a different school and see what they think about UNE’s systems. Getting some quotes from professors could also be pretty cool. Overall, I really liked reading your article and found it super interesting!
Abby’s Feature
As a student athlete I found your article to be very interesting! The headline and subheadline both worked very well and hooked me right in. I think it would be cool if you maybe added more information about the priority scheduling and how a non-athlete might feel about it being fair or not. I think it’s also important to note though that you say there are “excused absences to accommodate practices, lifts, and games”. This is only the case for games and it’s actually against NCAA rules to miss a class for practice or lift. Outside of that I think the article was great and really enjoyed reading it!
Jadyn’s Feature
I think this is a really great topic! It is super relevant on campus and I think lots of people would find it very interesting. With your quotes I think you found a lot of great perspectives on the issue. Nothing felt super one sided and it felt like you were reporting the facts. I think it would be interesting if you could find out if any other schools in the area offer something like Safe Ride and see what they do. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your article and think you did a great job!
Casey’s article’s use of various student viewpoints gave it a genuine and approachable feel. I also like how the article emphasizes Brightspace’s success and the problems with programs like OKTA and Compass. The comparison to Bridgewater State University provides helpful background information and shows how UNE’s systems stack up against others. Overall, the article feels impactful and relevant because it addresses a current issue that many students deal with.
Abby’s article presents various viewpoints on balancing academics and athletics. It draws attention to the challenges faced by varsity athletes and non-athletes. I found it interesting that while club athletes struggle with late practices and excused absences, varsity athletes have demanding schedules but believe that their commitment is worthwhile. I also liked how the article also provides a good look at how athletics develop a sense of community on campus.
In Jayden’s article, I liked how it talked about how students are frequently left waiting outside because of the shuttle’s frequently inaccurate tracker because that is something I can relate to. The article accurately explores the difficulties students face and the initiatives taken to increase safety.