Cameron Stickney – Technology
This article overall was fairly easy to read and understand but there are a couple of spelling/formatting things to look at, the first time the name Williams is used the ‘I’ is upper case and his title might need to be uppercase as well. Also, the switch between using Rachel Gardner first and last name throughout the article is a bit confusing. I had to look back to confirm it was in person. The Nut Graph was easily identified in my case, the lead and subheading were a bit mundane but got the job done. The title was simple but effective as well. The quotes were good as well. The ending was well written, it left me pondering different aspects of how I use my laptop in class and reinforced my way of note taking, writing by hand.
Elisabeth Huggins – Club Presidents
This article was very interesting and very informative. The article covering the different sides of how different presidents feel about the support from you is very good. Especially where each Club was at different stages of their development it was able to showcase how you need to prioritize the clubs. The thing that I had trouble with was how large the paragraphs were and I felt like all the information was needed within the paragraph but for some reason the length of the paragraph made it harder to read. Though throughout the whole article I was engaged and was learning new information. Another thing that I would suggest would be getting a contact with the student engagement office for a comment about how they feel they support presidents and getting the university side just to see what they have to say and may have another aspect of engaging the readers to see what the University says.
Wesley Chandler IV – Campus Life
This article is very interesting to read and very easy to digest. though there are grammar issues such as double spacing within the article as well as making sure that the formatting of the paragraphs are good as well. Also another formatting thing is arranging the article as an article and not as an educational essay at the top. This could be done by adding the title at the very top and adding a sub headline which is nowhere to be found and then having the section of your name the date and just University student. This article gave a very engaging viewpoint between two college athletes which I think is good but I would also encourage conversing with other students besides the athletes. But concerning the athletes that you quoted I would suggest making sure to add their major in as well though the adding the athletic part did have context to how their life is managed on campus which was very interesting. The closing paragraph was very engaging as well as left people to ponder and maybe consider figuring out how to have a better campus life and how to encourage a better Campus Life.
The feature starts off with a strong headline and subheadline. It is intriguing and it hooks readers in. The lede is also strong and provides the reader with necessary information, without giving it all the way yet. The following paragraphs are dynamic and interesting to read. It is full of quotes by people who are affected by the issue. I appreciate the fact that there are quotes from people with opinions on both sides. Journalists are supposed to report on a topic without providing their own opinion. Incorporating opposing arguments tells the whole story and provides readers with all the information. The angle of the piece is great and the article is well rounded! One critique is that some of the paragraphs are on the longer side. Some paragraphs have the potential to be split up into two. For example, the last paragraph could potentially be split after the word “funding”. Overall, this feature is really good and I enjoyed reading it! This was a great idea for a story and it was executed very well! Nice job!
Cameron’s Feature
The first element that I really enjoyed was the headline! I was immediately intrigued and wanted to see what that meant. The sub headline and the lede provided great follow up for the headline. It gave the necessary information right away and set up the story. Another aspect that I really enjoyed was that the paragraphs were short and separated at good places. Something that I think could be nice would be more quotes from students and professors. The quotes used are great and provided really nice insight. However, it might be nice to hear what some others have to say. I also really like the tone used in this piece. It does not sway to one particular side and the sentences flow nicely. One sentence that does not read as well is “Gardner’s opinion is schools should go back to assignments and how classrooms are run more hands on rather than online”. I like the information in this sentence but it does not read as smoothly as some of the other sentences. One possible suggestion could be “Gardner’s opinion is schools should go back to assignment and that classrooms should run more hands on rather than online”. Overall, I really enjoyed this article. The topic was super interesting and it is well written! Good job!
Wes’s Feature
First off, I think this is a really interesting topic! This is a good point that has a lot to explore! I enjoyed the quotes and I think they included great insight. I think it could be valuable to include quotes from students who attend those events and feel that they have enough to do during the weekends. One suggestion could be talking to members of the Activities Planning Boards. You could always attend one of those events and speak to students who are there. Journalists should try to provide both sides of an argument. Another suggestion would be to adjust the format of the piece. The paragraphs are not usually indented. The headline should go before the date and your name. I often use the stories that we look at in class to help guide my formatting! I think the tone of the writing is really nice and it makes it interesting to read. Overall, it is in really good shape! I am excited to read the finished piece!
This feature starts strong with a prominent headline and sub-headline to accompany it. This allows the readers to continue reading since it gives just enough information to be hooked, without spoiling the story. The lede also provides the reader with more information about the overall focus of the article. I enjoyed how this article was structured. It provided enough background information, with quotes from club leaders to back it up. I also liked that she was able to find different opinions to support some of her questions. It makes the story itself more interesting with contradicting opinions that support different ideas. I thought the information flowed well, but the paragraphs were a little big. I think she could get away with this because the information was interesting and I still felt engaged. It could be a little easier to break it up a bit. Overall I liked this feature and feel like it’s in a great place for the final!
Cameron’s Feature
The first thing that stuck out to me was the headline. It was very intriguing and perfectly worded to draw readers in. Her sub-headline also compliments her headline well by giving supporting information without giving too much away. I also liked the overall format of the feature. The paragraphs were smaller and digestible to read while keeping the main theme in focus the whole time. I remember her mentioning in class it was difficult to get different opinions on this subject which caused her to interview more people than originally anticipated. I think some of the quotes used could be elaborated on more, just to add more insight into what they mean by some of these comments. I also enjoyed that she got a professor’s perspective on the matter. Overall this read well and the theme was present, I think that revising some sentences with more quotes would make this even stronger. Great job!
Wes’s Feature
This feature has a lot of potential. I enjoyed the topic overall and could agree with the quotes. It helped back up the overall argument of the piece, especially including someone who doesn’t have the option to go home like other students. I do think this feature would benefit from the opinions of those who do feel like there is enough to do or have different interests besides partying. It gives both sides and could even provide ideas on how to improve from different perspectives. Another suggestion would be to reference some of the reading in class to help with formatting. It had some elements of an academic essay that just needed to be tweaked to fit the article’s look. I would also look at separating or cutting down on some paragraphs to clean up the structure of the paper. Overall this is a really interesting topic and will be a fun read once it is finished!
This piece caught my attention right off the bat with the headline which I thought was great. It made me question what aspects of technology are positive and negative, leaving me wanting to read more. The lead works in pair with the sub headline, as it provides more background information on what the piece is about. Something I really enjoyed was your use of quotes because they are short and to the point. You only chose to include certain portions of quotes which makes your sentences flow well together. I also thought it was great how you interviewed a student and teacher, because students are not the only ones using technology on campus, which aids the angle on the piece. It seems that you are writing with two angles as there are both likes and dislikes of technology. You have a bit of background information embedded throughout the piece which allows this piece to be geared towards any reader looking to read about technology’s impact on student performance and progress. You write in a way that is super interesting, as your quotes really help the storytelling techniques you use. This piece has a big impact on all of us since we are surrounded by technology every day. I think definitely getting more people to interview will help lengthen your piece but as of right now, it is extremely well written. I would like to see you interview more professors and see if they also agree that they are teaching to an “empty classroom.”
Wes Feature
There is a ton of valuable information here and is definitely on a positive track. I think the headline is good but can go a little more in dept with something more relevant to the topic. Something you compared campus to is a “ghost town” which I would take as the main focus of the piece. You could also have this in your headline and say, “The University of New England: A Weekend Ghost Town.” I think this would grab readers attention a bit more and enhance the piece even further. I also like the sub headline, but it is a bit long. I would condense the information a bit more making it more concise and to the point. Your lead is very interesting as it starts off strong with a negative angle on the idea of what a good weekend should be. You interviewed 2 athletes, but I would also interview students who are no-athletes to see how they feel about the topic. Some students who are non-athletes definitely find a ton of stuff to do on the weekends with other clubs they are part of. You have some really good quotes that offer two different examples of the negative angle. Your context/backstory is primarily at the end of your piece, and I think if you are able to embed it throughout the entire thing it will enhance your storytelling technique. Overall, the tone of your piece is good, I would primarily look at formatting, grammar, and interview students who are non-athletes. I would also just be careful to not go too in depth with your own opinion on the topic and possible solutions, which can be difficult.
Elizabeth:
I really liked this article! I think the background information about what you were doing worked really well and was just enough. I think inserting the questions you were asking was really smart to know what the quotes were about, and not just inserting the quotes. I really enjoyed your third paragraph, “Most clubs on the UNE campus are fully run by students with no administrative help. Club presidents are directed to set the vision while managing member recruitment and abiding by University policies. Being a club president is the driving force behind a club’s success as they utilize goal setting and leadership development skills. The chosen interviewers are passionate about what they do and have much to say about their leadership roles.” This was great background and really interesting as I don’t really know about the behind the scenes of the clubs. I think definitely breaking up the the paragraphs would be good and not too overwhelming.
Cameron:
I really enjoyed the small paragraphs. It was great to see and easy to read. I loved the comparison to writing by hand and typing. It was great to see what students prefer. One thing I would add is just some more background. For example, talking to a professor that has seen the difference between not having that much technology to having a lot of it. I think you talked to some really great people, so it would be great to have some longer quotes in your article. But overall I really enjoyed it and it is very interesting.
Wes:
This was a really great article! I really understood the topic, because as a freshman I noticed early how dead campus can be on the weekends. The quotes are very realistic and relatable, they add a lot to your article. I think a great thing to add would be to talk about the lack of greek life and how that can affect students’ college choices. I loved that you added a quote from a student who can’t go home every weekend, it’s a great perspective. “I mean there isn’t much to do around here on the weekends but that’s why you have to do your research before deciding which college you choose”, she replied. Gallaugher is fromChicago so there is no option of going home.”
I found this article super interesting. I think the headline and sub-headline are both really strong and capture readers attention. I also think you did a good job providing context very early on in the article which made things a lot easier to follow. It would be interesting to see if you could interview someone who works with the club funding process and could give you more details on what goes into it. Besides that though I think you had a strong array of interviewees in the article. I like how they all had differing perspectives on the topic. Overall I really enjoyed reading this article and think you did an excellent job!
Cameron’s Feature
I really like your headline! It is super intriguing and hooks readers in to continue reading. I also think your lead is very strong and provides good context for the story. It isn’t very wordy and is very digestible as a reader. I also really like the quotes you incorporated but I think you can dive deeper and include some more details about each perspective. I think it would be especially interesting to hear more about how “Teaching seems to have lost its meaning for these educators”. Overall I think the article is really solid and was an enjoyable read.
Wes’s Feature
I think your article dives into a very interesting topic and is something students on campus would care to read about. I like your headline but I think you could use an additional sub-headline where you go into a little bit more detail. I also like the quotes you were able to use in your article. They provide a real perspective into what seems to be happening on campus on the weekends. With this being said I think your article would benefit from one or two differing perspectives where students feel there are ample events on the weekends. Additionally I think you should try to interview some non-athletes to avoid any bias. Overall, I really like the article and think you did a great job!
Elizabeth: I felt this story was extremely clear and well structured. All provided quotes from differing students are clear, concise, and relevant. You know who’s speaking as the story goes into more and more detail. I also feel the topic chosen is interesting and engaging. Reading this story, I was able to stay engaged throughout the entire thing. Elizabeth shows both sides of the story by having a counter argument paragraph including a positive quote from a student. This adds layers to the story. With that being said the grade of the student in this quote is missing. Additionally, I feel like the conclusion ties everything together and helps to highlight that although there were mostly negative comments from students, the overall consensus on the issue is more evenly split between positive and negative than shown in the article. For me this confirmed the absence of bias from Elizabeth.
Cameron: The topic is interesting and clear. Quotes used are relevant and clear as well as the authors own opinion which is valid as a student in my opinion. I feel the use of the words “double edged sword” were perfect for the issue this article discusses. It also serves early in the story as a sort of hook because to me most people would read that and wonder how a person isn’t just on one side of the argument or the other. Overall, it adds depth and layers while hooking the reader. With that being said, having this term at the center of the article, I feel like there is need for more advocation for technology. Early in the story the first quote has some positives for technology, but I personally feel like technology does a lot more than what is said in that first quote. I feel like adding more counter argument to the overall censuses as said in the 5th paragraph, there will be more depth and length in the story.
Wes: As a student on campus and on a sports team like those who were interviewed, this topic is talked about a lot when I’m with teammates. Making it relevant to me and my life and therefor interesting. Overall, the reporting is accurate from what I’ve seen personally on camps as well as clear. With its length though, I think it could use another quote towards the end. Both quotes used were solid and gave a mix of negative and some positive opinions about the scene on campus during weekends. This adds layers to the story because it highlights that although options are slim, it’s a college and there are some options for us at the end of the day. The conclusion is strong and asks some important questions that had been alluded to throughout the story. With that being said, the last sentence sounds like a question to me and needs a question mark.
Huggings: I think the obstacles raised by the NIH’s decision to stop indirect cost financing and its possible effects on Penn’s staff and research are easily and effectively summarized in this article. From the lawsuit’s opening to the different effects of the funding reduction, I think the structure is obvious and makes sense. It successfully blends emotive testimonies from influential people like Elizabeth Peloso and Larry Jameson with accurate information.
Cameron: I think this article shows an engaging examination of the role of technology in the classroom, using real life examples from both students and faculty at UNE. It captures the complexities of this issue well, emphasizing both the positive and negative effects of technology use in education.
Wes: This article looks into the problem of weekend life at the University of New England (UNE), sharing student opinions and suggesting ways to improve campus culture. I think it highlights a key issue that could impact student happiness and impact students from staying at the university, making it an important topic. This article is interesting, easy to read, and clearly shows how students feel while offering ideas to improve the campus experience.
Elizabeth Higgins- Club Presidents
Throughout reading Elizabeth’s article I thought it was a very interesting topic to be brought up, especially since being apart of one of the biggest clubs on campus the football program. For starters it was very easy to flow through and kept me interested throughout the whole writing. I also like the word choice chosen throughout the article. My one suggestion would be to interview maybe a few males and see what they think. All of her interviewers are women and could be looked at as being bias in a sense or make it seem like it is only happening for girls clubs. Also you say UNE a lot just an idea to switch up and say The University of the full name of our school.
Cameron Stickney- Technology
I thought this was a pretty cool topic to write about especially since teachers are having to deal more and more with technology and less of pen and paper. For starters I really like how you have your paragraphs short and simple. It makes it feel like the reader is consuming less then they actually are and makes the story flow better. I also like the word play used by your sources as well, lines like, ” a double edged sword”, is a really good comparison and different understanding for the reader. My advice would be try to get more positive interviews. Yes times are changing and some people don’t like change but it is a part of life and I do think one more positive thought about the change of more technology will give this story what it needs.
Elizabeth’s Story – To start out, I really enjoyed the headline because it has a good hook and it draws the readers in. Her sub-headline is short, but long enough for us readers to understand what we are going to be reading, which is good! The structure of her feature creature is great, and she breaks up each section enough where it doesn’t feel like a lot is written. She got a lot of quotes and used a lot of information to back them up. Elizabeth does a good job of getting both negative and positive interviews to get both sides of the story. One thing I think could be clearer is why the story is being written. There is no clear cut answer to why this story is important and she even states at the end how there is no real answer. Other than that I think Elizabeth did a great job with this feature creature story!
Cameron’s Story – First impressions are great and the lead of this story was a great way to start it off, I thought it was creative and it draws people in. I think the sub-headline could have been a little more descriptive on why this story should be read. It mentions how they were just interviewed on the topic but why did he feel the need to interview them? I did enjoy the specifics of the story “In early February 2025” the word “early” gives us a clear answer of when this takes place. I like how there is a key theme of how technology is important in class yet still a distraction and I thought of him getting a quote from a professor to prove this was very smart and helps the story tremendously. I also enjoyed the ending of the story because he gives gives the opinion on maybe considering classes without technology which is the theme of the story. Cameron states “With new studies coming out about how the use of technology might be making our education system worse…” I think he could have stated what studies he saw about this to give him more credibility.
Wes’s Story- The set up of the story is more of a paper instead of an article, so instead of using the heading that we are taught in other classes, he should try putting the heading first, subheading, and then his name, date, and who he is. The headline is good and it does make readers want to continue the article to see what he has to say about the weekends here, and it also shows the theme with the word “struggle”. By using that word, it shows a negative tone which means he is showing the negative aspects of UNE on the weekends. He follows this theme throughout the story which is great, and he gets quotes from both sides, people who are able to have plans (sports and such) and people who don’t have any plans on the weekends. He mentions Kendall Gallaugher and he could have added her quote in with the same section of the story than putting them in two separate ones. The ending was good and it shows exactly what UNE could do to improve weekends at UNE. Overall I think Wes has a great story and I know I would read this even outside of this class!
Huggings: I think this article provides a detailed look at the experiences that the club presidents at UNE have, highlighting on issues like access to resources and time management while balancing their roles with academic responsibilities. It emphasizes a variety of student perspectives, showing both the challenges and successes that come with being president of a club
Cameron: I think this article shows an engaging examination of the role of technology in the classroom, using real life examples from both students and faculty at UNE. It captures the complexities of this issue well, emphasizing both the positive and negative effects of technology use in education.
Wes: This article looks into the problem of weekend life at the University of New England (UNE), sharing student opinions and suggesting ways to improve campus culture. I think it highlights a key issue that could impact student happiness and impact students from staying at the university, making it an important topic. This article is interesting, easy to read, and clearly shows how students feel while offering ideas to improve the campus experience.
Elizabeth-
I really liked this article and thought the topic was interesting, the headline had the right kind of hook to draw me in. I think that throughout the article you really show both sides of the story and keep your bias out of that, the headline especially I think sums up how complicated it is and is enticing enough to keep reading. I also especially like the structure of the article. The way you broke up the paragraphs into each interview you gave made it easy to read because you know what to expect, which also made it engaging. A small critic I might make of the structure is to make the paragraphs shorter, whether it means breaking up sentences or taking out repetitive or unnecessary information. Another thing I liked though is the questions you asked (or what I can assume you asked based on the answers) because the responses were thorough and provided pretty much all the information I could need to understand the story.
Cameron-
One of my favorite things about this article is the heading and the wording used there and throughout the story. It was interesting and amusing, and the two extreme words “saving grace” or “downfall” are engaging and pose both sides of the potential story. From this I pretty much already know what to expect but still want to read more. After reading the story one suggestion I might make is to get more quotes or information. I like the way you presented the quotes in your writing because they were very integrative and made the writing flow easily and nicely. However, to make it seem more rounded and credible I think as many sources as possible make the content of the piece stronger.
Wes-
My favorite part of this piece is the interesting wording used, like “weekend struggle”, “ghost town” or “weekend vibe”. It sounded like vocabulary probably used by the target audience and the way you use it here I think showed that you know your audience well and are able to connect with them on this issue. On that however I might add that more quotes might be helpful because though you have a sense of credibility and connection just more sources could be helpful. Only a few, especially since they are both on sports teams, could create a bias. One more thing about something I liked though is the way you broke up the writing. The sentences are short and concise which makes them easy to read. Some parts where it goes into advice for the university could perhaps be an opportunity to get more quotes from students or other sources on their advice.
Huggins: I think you had a very interesting topic with lots of great information as well as quotes from other people and you did a great job keeping it in a neutral point of view. You were able to keep your opinion out of it while still getting the point across. My only comment would really be the size of the paragraphs. I personally was engaged so I don’t mind but it is typically larger so maybe breaking them up or cutting some of it out, either way I think it would be perfect
Chandler: I think you had such an interesting topic, only a couple of things to make it a master piece. Make sure the heading and sub heading are clearly visible for the reader, again great topic but your opinion was clearly stated so try and make it a more neutral tone, maybe interview people with opinions that think the weekends here are great, as well as others that stay here on weekends because they have no choice and people who go home for reasons other than there’s nothing to do here such as work. But like I said, everything else was great it was so so interesting and can’t wait to see the finished piece!
Elizabeth Huggins
Overall this is a very well written article. I love to see this topic talked about and I loved the amount of detail that went into the interviews and what the interviewees had today. It really brings light to this perspective of clubs being a hard job.
To improve this article I really want to see why clubs don’t get unequal funding. It raises concerns about this funding issue but the article does not fully explain why that is. To help improve these sections I feel like Elizabeth should definitely interview USG.
Another thing that this article lacks is on how organizations at UNE are supported. Adding this perspective into the article could give it less of a feeling that personal preconceptions are written in. LaVita expresses how she has felt supported by the University. Tell us how.
If you were able to find why UNE won’t support certain clubs maybe tell us a solution.
Cameron Stickney
This is a topic that is relevant and important to UNE’s in class culture right now so I loved this topic that you picked.
One thing that I noticed is the limited amount of viewpoints. This article mostly reflects on the views o a few students and one professor. By adding more views from a professor it could make it a very strong article. You could also interview students with differing disciplines. Maybe these interviewees could have positives of technology that was not brought up yet.
Something that I would also like to see improved is the conclusion. You state “maybe it’s time to consider” referring to reducing technology. You can keep this but adding something in there showing how technology could be implemented positively into our lectures would make this a great source for all.
Wes Chandler
Little to no campus life is something that is very common at UNE, so this is very relevant to the culture here. This is a very strong start to your piece but there are some key simple things that will make it not have bias and a very strong piece.
Something that could help you out is to add the perspective of members of ABP. This is a club that holds weekly programs to help this specific issue. If someone from this club were to see this article I think that they would be offended. Adding this perspective gets rid of your bias.
Something that would be helpful for your article is to create a more professional tone. Right now your article seems very casual. Adding more professional language would help you get taken more seriously.
To improve this story, focus on clarity, organization, and consistency. Start by simplifying the introduction so it’s easier to understand the interviews and their purpose. Break up long, complicated sentences into shorter ones. Group similar answers together to make the flow of ideas easier to follow, especially when talking about mixed opinions on time management and access to resources. Another suggestion is to make the conclusion stronger by combining the different viewpoints and offering clearer suggestions on how to fix the problems. For example, mentioning the need for equal resource distribution and better time management support would help get the message across better. These changes will make the passage easier to read and more impactful.
Cameron’s Feature:
To improve this passage, focus on clarity, structure, and flow. Start by tightening the introduction to make the purpose of the interviews clear and avoid repetition. For example, say they were asked about how technology impacts learning instead of repeating “students and faculty members… interviewed with various questions.” Another suggestion is to break down long sentences for easier reading. For example, split “Rachel says she appreciates the ease technology provides students with being able to quickly type notes and to ‘write long papers’, but logging in is a hassle with how long it takes” into two like so: “Rachel likes the convenience of typing notes and writing papers quickly, but she finds logging in time-consuming.” The conclusion could also be strengthened by clearly summarizing the mixed opinions on technology, highlighting both the benefits and challenges.
Wes’s Feature:
To improve this story I think the focus shouldn’t only be on the lack of party’s on this dry campus. It makes it seem like there is a specific target audience for this story. Unless that is there intention, it might be better to be open to mentioning a lack of other things around campus such as events. Also, changing the title to something that could pull the reader in more. Tightening the introduction to quickly introduce the issue: campus life on weekends and remove extra wording could be useful. For example, instead of saying “students say that campus life is dead on the weekends,” say “many students find campus life lacking on weekends.” Break long sentences into simpler ones. For example, change “The opinions of students like Delgado and Gallaugher might not be too far off from reality, based on an examination of UNE’s activity list,” to “Students like Delgado and Gallaugher’s opinions match what’s shown on UNE’s activity list.” Make sure the ideas flow logically. Group similar points together, like student feedback and possible solutions, to keep the writing organized. For instance, after discussing concerns, follow with suggestions for improvement. As for the conclusion, turn it into a call to action, like “To improve campus life and keep students, UNE must adapt to their needs and create a more vibrant weekend atmosphere.” This gives a clearer, stronger ending.
15 thoughts on “JOURNAL # 10 (FC FEEDBACK # 1).”
Cameron Stickney – Technology
This article overall was fairly easy to read and understand but there are a couple of spelling/formatting things to look at, the first time the name Williams is used the ‘I’ is upper case and his title might need to be uppercase as well. Also, the switch between using Rachel Gardner first and last name throughout the article is a bit confusing. I had to look back to confirm it was in person. The Nut Graph was easily identified in my case, the lead and subheading were a bit mundane but got the job done. The title was simple but effective as well. The quotes were good as well. The ending was well written, it left me pondering different aspects of how I use my laptop in class and reinforced my way of note taking, writing by hand.
Elisabeth Huggins – Club Presidents
This article was very interesting and very informative. The article covering the different sides of how different presidents feel about the support from you is very good. Especially where each Club was at different stages of their development it was able to showcase how you need to prioritize the clubs. The thing that I had trouble with was how large the paragraphs were and I felt like all the information was needed within the paragraph but for some reason the length of the paragraph made it harder to read. Though throughout the whole article I was engaged and was learning new information. Another thing that I would suggest would be getting a contact with the student engagement office for a comment about how they feel they support presidents and getting the university side just to see what they have to say and may have another aspect of engaging the readers to see what the University says.
Wesley Chandler IV – Campus Life
This article is very interesting to read and very easy to digest. though there are grammar issues such as double spacing within the article as well as making sure that the formatting of the paragraphs are good as well. Also another formatting thing is arranging the article as an article and not as an educational essay at the top. This could be done by adding the title at the very top and adding a sub headline which is nowhere to be found and then having the section of your name the date and just University student. This article gave a very engaging viewpoint between two college athletes which I think is good but I would also encourage conversing with other students besides the athletes. But concerning the athletes that you quoted I would suggest making sure to add their major in as well though the adding the athletic part did have context to how their life is managed on campus which was very interesting. The closing paragraph was very engaging as well as left people to ponder and maybe consider figuring out how to have a better campus life and how to encourage a better Campus Life.
Elizabeth’s Feature
The feature starts off with a strong headline and subheadline. It is intriguing and it hooks readers in. The lede is also strong and provides the reader with necessary information, without giving it all the way yet. The following paragraphs are dynamic and interesting to read. It is full of quotes by people who are affected by the issue. I appreciate the fact that there are quotes from people with opinions on both sides. Journalists are supposed to report on a topic without providing their own opinion. Incorporating opposing arguments tells the whole story and provides readers with all the information. The angle of the piece is great and the article is well rounded! One critique is that some of the paragraphs are on the longer side. Some paragraphs have the potential to be split up into two. For example, the last paragraph could potentially be split after the word “funding”. Overall, this feature is really good and I enjoyed reading it! This was a great idea for a story and it was executed very well! Nice job!
Cameron’s Feature
The first element that I really enjoyed was the headline! I was immediately intrigued and wanted to see what that meant. The sub headline and the lede provided great follow up for the headline. It gave the necessary information right away and set up the story. Another aspect that I really enjoyed was that the paragraphs were short and separated at good places. Something that I think could be nice would be more quotes from students and professors. The quotes used are great and provided really nice insight. However, it might be nice to hear what some others have to say. I also really like the tone used in this piece. It does not sway to one particular side and the sentences flow nicely. One sentence that does not read as well is “Gardner’s opinion is schools should go back to assignments and how classrooms are run more hands on rather than online”. I like the information in this sentence but it does not read as smoothly as some of the other sentences. One possible suggestion could be “Gardner’s opinion is schools should go back to assignment and that classrooms should run more hands on rather than online”. Overall, I really enjoyed this article. The topic was super interesting and it is well written! Good job!
Wes’s Feature
First off, I think this is a really interesting topic! This is a good point that has a lot to explore! I enjoyed the quotes and I think they included great insight. I think it could be valuable to include quotes from students who attend those events and feel that they have enough to do during the weekends. One suggestion could be talking to members of the Activities Planning Boards. You could always attend one of those events and speak to students who are there. Journalists should try to provide both sides of an argument. Another suggestion would be to adjust the format of the piece. The paragraphs are not usually indented. The headline should go before the date and your name. I often use the stories that we look at in class to help guide my formatting! I think the tone of the writing is really nice and it makes it interesting to read. Overall, it is in really good shape! I am excited to read the finished piece!
Elizabeth’s Feature
This feature starts strong with a prominent headline and sub-headline to accompany it. This allows the readers to continue reading since it gives just enough information to be hooked, without spoiling the story. The lede also provides the reader with more information about the overall focus of the article. I enjoyed how this article was structured. It provided enough background information, with quotes from club leaders to back it up. I also liked that she was able to find different opinions to support some of her questions. It makes the story itself more interesting with contradicting opinions that support different ideas. I thought the information flowed well, but the paragraphs were a little big. I think she could get away with this because the information was interesting and I still felt engaged. It could be a little easier to break it up a bit. Overall I liked this feature and feel like it’s in a great place for the final!
Cameron’s Feature
The first thing that stuck out to me was the headline. It was very intriguing and perfectly worded to draw readers in. Her sub-headline also compliments her headline well by giving supporting information without giving too much away. I also liked the overall format of the feature. The paragraphs were smaller and digestible to read while keeping the main theme in focus the whole time. I remember her mentioning in class it was difficult to get different opinions on this subject which caused her to interview more people than originally anticipated. I think some of the quotes used could be elaborated on more, just to add more insight into what they mean by some of these comments. I also enjoyed that she got a professor’s perspective on the matter. Overall this read well and the theme was present, I think that revising some sentences with more quotes would make this even stronger. Great job!
Wes’s Feature
This feature has a lot of potential. I enjoyed the topic overall and could agree with the quotes. It helped back up the overall argument of the piece, especially including someone who doesn’t have the option to go home like other students. I do think this feature would benefit from the opinions of those who do feel like there is enough to do or have different interests besides partying. It gives both sides and could even provide ideas on how to improve from different perspectives. Another suggestion would be to reference some of the reading in class to help with formatting. It had some elements of an academic essay that just needed to be tweaked to fit the article’s look. I would also look at separating or cutting down on some paragraphs to clean up the structure of the paper. Overall this is a really interesting topic and will be a fun read once it is finished!
Cameron Feature
This piece caught my attention right off the bat with the headline which I thought was great. It made me question what aspects of technology are positive and negative, leaving me wanting to read more. The lead works in pair with the sub headline, as it provides more background information on what the piece is about. Something I really enjoyed was your use of quotes because they are short and to the point. You only chose to include certain portions of quotes which makes your sentences flow well together. I also thought it was great how you interviewed a student and teacher, because students are not the only ones using technology on campus, which aids the angle on the piece. It seems that you are writing with two angles as there are both likes and dislikes of technology. You have a bit of background information embedded throughout the piece which allows this piece to be geared towards any reader looking to read about technology’s impact on student performance and progress. You write in a way that is super interesting, as your quotes really help the storytelling techniques you use. This piece has a big impact on all of us since we are surrounded by technology every day. I think definitely getting more people to interview will help lengthen your piece but as of right now, it is extremely well written. I would like to see you interview more professors and see if they also agree that they are teaching to an “empty classroom.”
Wes Feature
There is a ton of valuable information here and is definitely on a positive track. I think the headline is good but can go a little more in dept with something more relevant to the topic. Something you compared campus to is a “ghost town” which I would take as the main focus of the piece. You could also have this in your headline and say, “The University of New England: A Weekend Ghost Town.” I think this would grab readers attention a bit more and enhance the piece even further. I also like the sub headline, but it is a bit long. I would condense the information a bit more making it more concise and to the point. Your lead is very interesting as it starts off strong with a negative angle on the idea of what a good weekend should be. You interviewed 2 athletes, but I would also interview students who are no-athletes to see how they feel about the topic. Some students who are non-athletes definitely find a ton of stuff to do on the weekends with other clubs they are part of. You have some really good quotes that offer two different examples of the negative angle. Your context/backstory is primarily at the end of your piece, and I think if you are able to embed it throughout the entire thing it will enhance your storytelling technique. Overall, the tone of your piece is good, I would primarily look at formatting, grammar, and interview students who are non-athletes. I would also just be careful to not go too in depth with your own opinion on the topic and possible solutions, which can be difficult.
Elizabeth:
I really liked this article! I think the background information about what you were doing worked really well and was just enough. I think inserting the questions you were asking was really smart to know what the quotes were about, and not just inserting the quotes. I really enjoyed your third paragraph, “Most clubs on the UNE campus are fully run by students with no administrative help. Club presidents are directed to set the vision while managing member recruitment and abiding by University policies. Being a club president is the driving force behind a club’s success as they utilize goal setting and leadership development skills. The chosen interviewers are passionate about what they do and have much to say about their leadership roles.” This was great background and really interesting as I don’t really know about the behind the scenes of the clubs. I think definitely breaking up the the paragraphs would be good and not too overwhelming.
Cameron:
I really enjoyed the small paragraphs. It was great to see and easy to read. I loved the comparison to writing by hand and typing. It was great to see what students prefer. One thing I would add is just some more background. For example, talking to a professor that has seen the difference between not having that much technology to having a lot of it. I think you talked to some really great people, so it would be great to have some longer quotes in your article. But overall I really enjoyed it and it is very interesting.
Wes:
This was a really great article! I really understood the topic, because as a freshman I noticed early how dead campus can be on the weekends. The quotes are very realistic and relatable, they add a lot to your article. I think a great thing to add would be to talk about the lack of greek life and how that can affect students’ college choices. I loved that you added a quote from a student who can’t go home every weekend, it’s a great perspective. “I mean there isn’t much to do around here on the weekends but that’s why you have to do your research before deciding which college you choose”, she replied. Gallaugher is fromChicago so there is no option of going home.”
Elizabeth’s Feature
I found this article super interesting. I think the headline and sub-headline are both really strong and capture readers attention. I also think you did a good job providing context very early on in the article which made things a lot easier to follow. It would be interesting to see if you could interview someone who works with the club funding process and could give you more details on what goes into it. Besides that though I think you had a strong array of interviewees in the article. I like how they all had differing perspectives on the topic. Overall I really enjoyed reading this article and think you did an excellent job!
Cameron’s Feature
I really like your headline! It is super intriguing and hooks readers in to continue reading. I also think your lead is very strong and provides good context for the story. It isn’t very wordy and is very digestible as a reader. I also really like the quotes you incorporated but I think you can dive deeper and include some more details about each perspective. I think it would be especially interesting to hear more about how “Teaching seems to have lost its meaning for these educators”. Overall I think the article is really solid and was an enjoyable read.
Wes’s Feature
I think your article dives into a very interesting topic and is something students on campus would care to read about. I like your headline but I think you could use an additional sub-headline where you go into a little bit more detail. I also like the quotes you were able to use in your article. They provide a real perspective into what seems to be happening on campus on the weekends. With this being said I think your article would benefit from one or two differing perspectives where students feel there are ample events on the weekends. Additionally I think you should try to interview some non-athletes to avoid any bias. Overall, I really like the article and think you did a great job!
Elizabeth: I felt this story was extremely clear and well structured. All provided quotes from differing students are clear, concise, and relevant. You know who’s speaking as the story goes into more and more detail. I also feel the topic chosen is interesting and engaging. Reading this story, I was able to stay engaged throughout the entire thing. Elizabeth shows both sides of the story by having a counter argument paragraph including a positive quote from a student. This adds layers to the story. With that being said the grade of the student in this quote is missing. Additionally, I feel like the conclusion ties everything together and helps to highlight that although there were mostly negative comments from students, the overall consensus on the issue is more evenly split between positive and negative than shown in the article. For me this confirmed the absence of bias from Elizabeth.
Cameron: The topic is interesting and clear. Quotes used are relevant and clear as well as the authors own opinion which is valid as a student in my opinion. I feel the use of the words “double edged sword” were perfect for the issue this article discusses. It also serves early in the story as a sort of hook because to me most people would read that and wonder how a person isn’t just on one side of the argument or the other. Overall, it adds depth and layers while hooking the reader. With that being said, having this term at the center of the article, I feel like there is need for more advocation for technology. Early in the story the first quote has some positives for technology, but I personally feel like technology does a lot more than what is said in that first quote. I feel like adding more counter argument to the overall censuses as said in the 5th paragraph, there will be more depth and length in the story.
Wes: As a student on campus and on a sports team like those who were interviewed, this topic is talked about a lot when I’m with teammates. Making it relevant to me and my life and therefor interesting. Overall, the reporting is accurate from what I’ve seen personally on camps as well as clear. With its length though, I think it could use another quote towards the end. Both quotes used were solid and gave a mix of negative and some positive opinions about the scene on campus during weekends. This adds layers to the story because it highlights that although options are slim, it’s a college and there are some options for us at the end of the day. The conclusion is strong and asks some important questions that had been alluded to throughout the story. With that being said, the last sentence sounds like a question to me and needs a question mark.
Huggings: I think the obstacles raised by the NIH’s decision to stop indirect cost financing and its possible effects on Penn’s staff and research are easily and effectively summarized in this article. From the lawsuit’s opening to the different effects of the funding reduction, I think the structure is obvious and makes sense. It successfully blends emotive testimonies from influential people like Elizabeth Peloso and Larry Jameson with accurate information.
Cameron: I think this article shows an engaging examination of the role of technology in the classroom, using real life examples from both students and faculty at UNE. It captures the complexities of this issue well, emphasizing both the positive and negative effects of technology use in education.
Wes: This article looks into the problem of weekend life at the University of New England (UNE), sharing student opinions and suggesting ways to improve campus culture. I think it highlights a key issue that could impact student happiness and impact students from staying at the university, making it an important topic. This article is interesting, easy to read, and clearly shows how students feel while offering ideas to improve the campus experience.
Elizabeth Higgins- Club Presidents
Throughout reading Elizabeth’s article I thought it was a very interesting topic to be brought up, especially since being apart of one of the biggest clubs on campus the football program. For starters it was very easy to flow through and kept me interested throughout the whole writing. I also like the word choice chosen throughout the article. My one suggestion would be to interview maybe a few males and see what they think. All of her interviewers are women and could be looked at as being bias in a sense or make it seem like it is only happening for girls clubs. Also you say UNE a lot just an idea to switch up and say The University of the full name of our school.
Cameron Stickney- Technology
I thought this was a pretty cool topic to write about especially since teachers are having to deal more and more with technology and less of pen and paper. For starters I really like how you have your paragraphs short and simple. It makes it feel like the reader is consuming less then they actually are and makes the story flow better. I also like the word play used by your sources as well, lines like, ” a double edged sword”, is a really good comparison and different understanding for the reader. My advice would be try to get more positive interviews. Yes times are changing and some people don’t like change but it is a part of life and I do think one more positive thought about the change of more technology will give this story what it needs.
Elizabeth’s Story – To start out, I really enjoyed the headline because it has a good hook and it draws the readers in. Her sub-headline is short, but long enough for us readers to understand what we are going to be reading, which is good! The structure of her feature creature is great, and she breaks up each section enough where it doesn’t feel like a lot is written. She got a lot of quotes and used a lot of information to back them up. Elizabeth does a good job of getting both negative and positive interviews to get both sides of the story. One thing I think could be clearer is why the story is being written. There is no clear cut answer to why this story is important and she even states at the end how there is no real answer. Other than that I think Elizabeth did a great job with this feature creature story!
Cameron’s Story – First impressions are great and the lead of this story was a great way to start it off, I thought it was creative and it draws people in. I think the sub-headline could have been a little more descriptive on why this story should be read. It mentions how they were just interviewed on the topic but why did he feel the need to interview them? I did enjoy the specifics of the story “In early February 2025” the word “early” gives us a clear answer of when this takes place. I like how there is a key theme of how technology is important in class yet still a distraction and I thought of him getting a quote from a professor to prove this was very smart and helps the story tremendously. I also enjoyed the ending of the story because he gives gives the opinion on maybe considering classes without technology which is the theme of the story. Cameron states “With new studies coming out about how the use of technology might be making our education system worse…” I think he could have stated what studies he saw about this to give him more credibility.
Wes’s Story- The set up of the story is more of a paper instead of an article, so instead of using the heading that we are taught in other classes, he should try putting the heading first, subheading, and then his name, date, and who he is. The headline is good and it does make readers want to continue the article to see what he has to say about the weekends here, and it also shows the theme with the word “struggle”. By using that word, it shows a negative tone which means he is showing the negative aspects of UNE on the weekends. He follows this theme throughout the story which is great, and he gets quotes from both sides, people who are able to have plans (sports and such) and people who don’t have any plans on the weekends. He mentions Kendall Gallaugher and he could have added her quote in with the same section of the story than putting them in two separate ones. The ending was good and it shows exactly what UNE could do to improve weekends at UNE. Overall I think Wes has a great story and I know I would read this even outside of this class!
Huggings: I think this article provides a detailed look at the experiences that the club presidents at UNE have, highlighting on issues like access to resources and time management while balancing their roles with academic responsibilities. It emphasizes a variety of student perspectives, showing both the challenges and successes that come with being president of a club
Cameron: I think this article shows an engaging examination of the role of technology in the classroom, using real life examples from both students and faculty at UNE. It captures the complexities of this issue well, emphasizing both the positive and negative effects of technology use in education.
Wes: This article looks into the problem of weekend life at the University of New England (UNE), sharing student opinions and suggesting ways to improve campus culture. I think it highlights a key issue that could impact student happiness and impact students from staying at the university, making it an important topic. This article is interesting, easy to read, and clearly shows how students feel while offering ideas to improve the campus experience.
Elizabeth-
I really liked this article and thought the topic was interesting, the headline had the right kind of hook to draw me in. I think that throughout the article you really show both sides of the story and keep your bias out of that, the headline especially I think sums up how complicated it is and is enticing enough to keep reading. I also especially like the structure of the article. The way you broke up the paragraphs into each interview you gave made it easy to read because you know what to expect, which also made it engaging. A small critic I might make of the structure is to make the paragraphs shorter, whether it means breaking up sentences or taking out repetitive or unnecessary information. Another thing I liked though is the questions you asked (or what I can assume you asked based on the answers) because the responses were thorough and provided pretty much all the information I could need to understand the story.
Cameron-
One of my favorite things about this article is the heading and the wording used there and throughout the story. It was interesting and amusing, and the two extreme words “saving grace” or “downfall” are engaging and pose both sides of the potential story. From this I pretty much already know what to expect but still want to read more. After reading the story one suggestion I might make is to get more quotes or information. I like the way you presented the quotes in your writing because they were very integrative and made the writing flow easily and nicely. However, to make it seem more rounded and credible I think as many sources as possible make the content of the piece stronger.
Wes-
My favorite part of this piece is the interesting wording used, like “weekend struggle”, “ghost town” or “weekend vibe”. It sounded like vocabulary probably used by the target audience and the way you use it here I think showed that you know your audience well and are able to connect with them on this issue. On that however I might add that more quotes might be helpful because though you have a sense of credibility and connection just more sources could be helpful. Only a few, especially since they are both on sports teams, could create a bias. One more thing about something I liked though is the way you broke up the writing. The sentences are short and concise which makes them easy to read. Some parts where it goes into advice for the university could perhaps be an opportunity to get more quotes from students or other sources on their advice.
Huggins: I think you had a very interesting topic with lots of great information as well as quotes from other people and you did a great job keeping it in a neutral point of view. You were able to keep your opinion out of it while still getting the point across. My only comment would really be the size of the paragraphs. I personally was engaged so I don’t mind but it is typically larger so maybe breaking them up or cutting some of it out, either way I think it would be perfect
Chandler: I think you had such an interesting topic, only a couple of things to make it a master piece. Make sure the heading and sub heading are clearly visible for the reader, again great topic but your opinion was clearly stated so try and make it a more neutral tone, maybe interview people with opinions that think the weekends here are great, as well as others that stay here on weekends because they have no choice and people who go home for reasons other than there’s nothing to do here such as work. But like I said, everything else was great it was so so interesting and can’t wait to see the finished piece!
Elizabeth Huggins
Overall this is a very well written article. I love to see this topic talked about and I loved the amount of detail that went into the interviews and what the interviewees had today. It really brings light to this perspective of clubs being a hard job.
To improve this article I really want to see why clubs don’t get unequal funding. It raises concerns about this funding issue but the article does not fully explain why that is. To help improve these sections I feel like Elizabeth should definitely interview USG.
Another thing that this article lacks is on how organizations at UNE are supported. Adding this perspective into the article could give it less of a feeling that personal preconceptions are written in. LaVita expresses how she has felt supported by the University. Tell us how.
If you were able to find why UNE won’t support certain clubs maybe tell us a solution.
Cameron Stickney
This is a topic that is relevant and important to UNE’s in class culture right now so I loved this topic that you picked.
One thing that I noticed is the limited amount of viewpoints. This article mostly reflects on the views o a few students and one professor. By adding more views from a professor it could make it a very strong article. You could also interview students with differing disciplines. Maybe these interviewees could have positives of technology that was not brought up yet.
Something that I would also like to see improved is the conclusion. You state “maybe it’s time to consider” referring to reducing technology. You can keep this but adding something in there showing how technology could be implemented positively into our lectures would make this a great source for all.
Wes Chandler
Little to no campus life is something that is very common at UNE, so this is very relevant to the culture here. This is a very strong start to your piece but there are some key simple things that will make it not have bias and a very strong piece.
Something that could help you out is to add the perspective of members of ABP. This is a club that holds weekly programs to help this specific issue. If someone from this club were to see this article I think that they would be offended. Adding this perspective gets rid of your bias.
Something that would be helpful for your article is to create a more professional tone. Right now your article seems very casual. Adding more professional language would help you get taken more seriously.
Elizabeth’s Feature:
To improve this story, focus on clarity, organization, and consistency. Start by simplifying the introduction so it’s easier to understand the interviews and their purpose. Break up long, complicated sentences into shorter ones. Group similar answers together to make the flow of ideas easier to follow, especially when talking about mixed opinions on time management and access to resources. Another suggestion is to make the conclusion stronger by combining the different viewpoints and offering clearer suggestions on how to fix the problems. For example, mentioning the need for equal resource distribution and better time management support would help get the message across better. These changes will make the passage easier to read and more impactful.
Cameron’s Feature:
To improve this passage, focus on clarity, structure, and flow. Start by tightening the introduction to make the purpose of the interviews clear and avoid repetition. For example, say they were asked about how technology impacts learning instead of repeating “students and faculty members… interviewed with various questions.” Another suggestion is to break down long sentences for easier reading. For example, split “Rachel says she appreciates the ease technology provides students with being able to quickly type notes and to ‘write long papers’, but logging in is a hassle with how long it takes” into two like so: “Rachel likes the convenience of typing notes and writing papers quickly, but she finds logging in time-consuming.” The conclusion could also be strengthened by clearly summarizing the mixed opinions on technology, highlighting both the benefits and challenges.
Wes’s Feature:
To improve this story I think the focus shouldn’t only be on the lack of party’s on this dry campus. It makes it seem like there is a specific target audience for this story. Unless that is there intention, it might be better to be open to mentioning a lack of other things around campus such as events. Also, changing the title to something that could pull the reader in more. Tightening the introduction to quickly introduce the issue: campus life on weekends and remove extra wording could be useful. For example, instead of saying “students say that campus life is dead on the weekends,” say “many students find campus life lacking on weekends.” Break long sentences into simpler ones. For example, change “The opinions of students like Delgado and Gallaugher might not be too far off from reality, based on an examination of UNE’s activity list,” to “Students like Delgado and Gallaugher’s opinions match what’s shown on UNE’s activity list.” Make sure the ideas flow logically. Group similar points together, like student feedback and possible solutions, to keep the writing organized. For instance, after discussing concerns, follow with suggestions for improvement. As for the conclusion, turn it into a call to action, like “To improve campus life and keep students, UNE must adapt to their needs and create a more vibrant weekend atmosphere.” This gives a clearer, stronger ending.