Quinnly –
I like the number of quotes you had, I feel like you had just enough imput while letting them speak for themselves. I like that you rounded off the article with sort of the big quote, from the editor in chief which I think makes it round off with a bang. One thing I could say is you only had student writer quotes in your article, you could perhaps branch out and get perspectives from readers or the advisor of the Bolt just to add a new voice in there. There were also some minor spelling or grammatical errors like if the majors should be capitalized, or Champlain being spelt without the ‘m’ in the 7th paragraph. However, despite those types of things I think the overall structure is good, the paragraphs are short and easy to read.
Lizzie-
I like the number of quotes you got; it made it sound like your research was thorough. Off the bat I might say your subhead is pretty long, it some of it could be saved for the lead to make it shorter and easier to digest. I also wonder because you mentioned the pub, the forum, and the dining as the three main meal options for athletes, which I agree are the most convenient and accessible. However, you could have also mentioned windward, makeshift dorm meals, or off campus meal options that could add to the argument. I also think it’s important to add quotes not from student athletes which you did do but it was sort of added at the end with less explanation and I might have liked more opinions on that or from other dining staff members.
I think you have a lot of great information and I like the overall idea of your story. Starting with the header, I would reword it in a different way to make it flow a bit better. I would suggest something like “UNE athletes and the limited dining options.” Your sub headline seems more like a nut graf, and I would suggest moving it to be your third or fourth paragraph. It is a bit long to be your sub headline, as they should only be 10 words max. Yours is sitting at 69 words which is definitely a bit long to be your sub headline. By moving it to your nut graf, you are providing more background information about the dining options offered at UNE and the exact times that they close, which aids the overall message of your piece. It’s amazing how many sources you were able to get, which is all super valuable information. It does seem like all of the paragraphs you have, other than your lead and second paragraph, focus mainly on quotes. It would be beneficial if you took out some of the sources you used, and rather made the paragraphs have more background information in them. I would also take out the questions you proposed in different parts of your report such as in the last paragraph and in the sub headline. It is better to provide more concrete and direct information in this case because you do not want to leave the readers wondering why you didn’t necessarily answer your own questions.
Quinnly:
Starting off, I really like your lead. It is clear and gives good background on student newspapers and what the overall point of them is. This is important information, as your report is based on the UNE student paper and how starting off in the field now can benefit you as a future journalist. I think in this case you could alter your headline a bit and make it a bit less broad. You could instead say something along the lines of “Start your journalism journey at the University of New England.” This gives a bit more clarity to your story and more directly gives insight to what your article will be about. I am just a bit torn on your sub headline, because it is good, but could be reworded in a different way. You could say something like “At the University of New England the student newspaper ‘The Bolt’ is a way students share their journalism journey.” Again, the sub headline is great, I would just reword it a tad bit. Your quotes are great as well, and work well with each other. Something else small that I noticed was in a few different paragraphs with the quotes and how you framed them. Specifically looking at paragraph 10, you introduce Hedegard and the importance of writing about local news. You mention her name and then write her quote, which is then followed by “Hedegard says.” You can get rid of the “Hedegard says” and just end the paragraph with the quote for better framing. You had also done this is your paragraphs for Greenway and Ochs.
Quinnley
I loved your piece because you took your own turn on something that you are involved in. Even though you are involved in The Bolt no personal bias is shown here. I love how you introduced the student newspaper and how they affect the community but consider adding a hook (who, what, when, where, and why) before it. Something that I would also consider is introducing Emily right before her quote instead of having a Bolt introduction in between her and her quote. I would also do this with everyone else you interviewed. Connect these quotes to who said them. Also, fixing things as simple as capitalizing majors and making sure there is no random capitalization within your article will make it that much more of a strong piece.
Lizzie
This piece resonated with me as a student athlete myself. Something that I would work on is making your subheadline shorter. It may make it more powerful if you condense what you already have. Make your points stronger by turning “Multiple athletes” and “Many athletes” into just “athletes”. Overall I loved this piece, and something I appreciate is how many people you interviewed for it, makes it a credible piece. You could email staff in charge of dining to make it even stronger.
I really liked this topic. I am not a student athlete so it was very interesting to hear the struggles that student athletes have. One thing I would fix is shortening your subheadline and having something more simple like “UNE students struggle with food options from early dining hall closure” Your quotes were great and went really well. Your paragraphs were a little long so shortening them into multiple paragraphs I think will really help. It was great you got quotes from both sides and there was not a bias in your article, and including a dining hall workers point of view was great to add. Overall I think you had a great topic and did it really well.
Lizzie: I think you had a great article that really spoke to people, and even as someone who isn’t a student athlete, I was upset FOR the athletes that have to go through this. I liked how you got quotes from people who have a kitchen and no kitchen, cars and no cars, and even a student worker in the dining hall. I will say however there were quite a few things to work on to make it even better than it already is. In the beginning in the headline, all of those first letters should be capitalized and there should be no period at the end of it. You also have a REALLY long paragraph below the headline; it’s supposed to be a sub-headline not an informational paragraph so I’d move that entire paragraph down and have the sub-headline be something along the lines of “University of New England students athletes struggle to find dining options due to athletic schedules”. Your first paragraph I’d break into two sentences, preferably where it says …8 pm. (get rid of the word which) Meaning, when most…. I would also reword the second sentence to something like “By this time, most dining options are closed, leaving less convenient and expensive options available”. In the second paragraph I’d look over for some grammatical errors, there’s some spots that could use commas. The third paragraph is a little long and needs to be broken up. I also would reword the section that says “from other places and the only thing she is able to eat” all the way until the end of that paragraph, maybe along the lines of “The only option she is usually left with is spending an excessive amount of money on food at the grocery store”. In the 4th paragraph as well as in the 8th paragraph you just seem to randomly through the word “either” in a lot and it doesn’t make sense. I’d also capitalize the “F” in Forum since it’s the name of a building. The first sentence in the 5th paragraph I would get rid of since it’s a repeat almost word for word of what you said previously in another sentence. Again, I’d check for grammatical errors I see some spots where I’d include commas. You say “Athletes after practice should be eating healthier” and I would get rid of that unless you have a student saying that. Whether that statement is correct or not, you just included your opinion in saying athletes should be eating healthy food. In that same sentence you say how they should be eating healthier foods due to “keep up with their intense schedules” and I’d reword that it doesn’t make any sense that a person needs to eat healthier because they have an intense schedule. If that needs to be included it should be talked about how students athletes advocate they need to keep in shape and put better food into their bodies so they stay that way, but you talking about schedules makes no sense (students who aren’t athletes can have intense schedules) and again it needs to come from a student because that’s opinion based. You also mention flex dollars, you should explain what flex dollars are because an outsider wouldn’t know what you’re talking about. In the 6th paragraph on the back page you say “or” before DeJon, you should replace that with the word “as” so it makes sense. The 7th paragraph is long, you should break it up into two. With the quotes you go from this person, I’d make that less sentence a different paragraph and you can talk about spending money again because they advocate (and you introduce her as she has no problem with ) how they don’t mind about the dining hall issues, but then at the end talk about how they’d prefer to eat at the dining hall because they’d save money. In the 8th paragraph you say “elaborated” but there’s no quote on the elaboration just the writer talking. Again, check for punctuation and grammatical errors. The final paragraph I’d reword and also get rid of the question. I also think overall your piece seemed a little bias due to some areas, so I would try and sound more neutral.
Quinnly: I think you had a great informational piece for aspiring journalists that are interested in pursuing this. I like how you spoke to some journalists as well as the Editor in Chief of the school newspaper. I think you included some great quotes. You have a lot of grammatical errors you need to fix throughout. In your sub-headline as well as the 5th paragraph, you repeatedly say ” a part” and it’s one word “apart”, writing it as two words gives the sentence an entirely different meaning that makes sound like it doesn’t make sense. In the 2nd paragraph you say “The Bolt. Provides” and it should be a comma not a period, therefore de-capitalizing the P in provides. In the 3rd paragraph you name some articles and if those are the names of articles they should all be capitalized. If not, you say “, The launch…” and that one word shouldn’t have a capitalized T when the rest of it doesn’t. Your sentence “While the topics have many differences. They”, that should be a comma as well not a period. In the 4th paragraph, you need to capitalize the T when you say The Bolt, you didn’t there. You should also include a comma after “Bolt” and before “I”. I’d also get rid of the comma you have in between the word “piece” and the word “and” on the first line. You mention CJ Greenway AFTER you quote her, you should be introducing her at the beginning of the paragraph like you do with every other person because otherwise it sounds like Emily was still the one speaking. You should also capitalize the N in Nursing since you’re talking about her major. In the 6th paragraph you should have a period in between the words “Around” and “Having” on the second line from the bottom all the way to the left. On the back page, 7th paragraph (first one at the top), again capitalize the T in The Bolt and if those are names of articles they should be capitalized. In the last sentence of that paragraph it would make sense if after you say “hard news” you put the quote and then after the quote say “Greenway states.” It would just make more sense that way. When introducing Arianna Ochs, you should capitalize her major Marine Science. In that same paragraph I’d move the comma you have in between “from” and “guest” and move it over in between “campus” and from” (both of those are on the second to last sentence from the bottom right in the middle) as well as getting rid of the punctuation you have in between the words “lectures” and “and”. When you quote Ochs in the 9th paragraph I’d say “So for us a big part in deciding article topics is: ‘Are people excited about the topic?’ and ‘Does it excite the writer?'” added Ochs.” In the next paragraph when you say Editor in Chief you need to capitalize the C in Chief since you are naming her official title. In your final paragraph, second to last sentence from the bottom, uncapitalize the I in the word It.
Quinnly
This was a great article to read, as Jesse said “reporting on the reporters”. This was well structured and the formatting and verbiage is consistent. It was very engaging to read, especially in sense of getting background of our school’s new paper and the students who are apart of it. Also, the quotes used were very informative and got the points across to the reader, the quotes speaks for themselves. There is couple of things that need fixing like capitalization of majors, some are and others are not. Another thing the sub-header is a little long and could be used within a nut graph or rewriting it to be shorter.
Lizzie
This was a good article and was very interesting to look at, student athletes have busy schedule and can’t make it dining hall or have money to get food outside of what is offered by the school. The quotes are very good and bring out the different perspectives, I especially like the quote from a student worker from the dining hall. This is showcasing what the dining hall workers deal with after students dining times. There a few things that I would change is your the length the sub-header, to something like “the dining option for student athletes limited option for dining after practices”, this gives more information but leaving the reader wanting more. The information in the sub-header is good, but is a better nut graph or something along those lines. Another thing is splinting up the paragraphs that are larger making sure they are easy to read.
Quinnly- Journalism At UNE
For starters I think that this was a really cool topic. I know that UNE can tend to focus on their sports teams and sometimes can forget the other talents that students here have so seeing another side was very interesting. I think the headline will also being able to let the reader know what they are going to be reading about right away. Another thing that I thought was good was the information being given, specifically in the quotes. Many people that do not go to the university do not know what the bolt is so giving the outside reader an understanding will help. One thing I think the could be improved is the sub heading. I think the information being given is good but could be a little shorter. Other than a few grammar corrections I think this article is exactly where it needs to be.
Lizzy- Food For Student Athletes
I think that this was a good article to write about even for students that work on campus. I know a few friends of who work of campus and try to save money and come back and get food but it is too late for them. I also thought that your quotes gave good an idea for what student athletes have to go through in season. One thing I think that could be worked on is the formatting of the article. The paragraphs are lengthy and could be trimmed or even turned into more paragraphs if need wanted to. I also felt like this article was a little bias until we got to Emma Michaud. Bringing both sides to the story earlier could help that. Finally I think the sub heading is a pretty long and could be summed up. I think the information you,d be used in the next paragraph.
First off, nice job! I think the headline does a good job of setting up interest. The subheadline also provides some nice information about what the story is about. The lede and following paragraphs set up the story nicely. This type of story requires some context and you gave plenty of necessary information. I really enjoy the quotes that you use. I like that you have a quote from the editor and regular writers. I think it might be nice to have some more quotes from other writers or the academic advisor. A suggestion would be to look at capitalization of the majors. Emily’s major is capitalized but the other ones are not. Another comment would be to only mention the Champlain Hall ping pong tournament once. It is repetitive and could be taken out. Overall, I think this is a really good feature! It’s an interesting topic and you did a great job!
Lizzie’s Feature
Nice job! This is an important issue and an interesting topic. The headline is interesting, but you should explore a more creative option. The subheadline has some really good information! However, a subheadline should only be about twenty words. A lot of that information can be moved into the lede or nut graph. The quotes that you use are really beneficial for the piece! I like that you have quotes from a variety of sports. I think that widens perspectives and it allows for more insight. I also appreciate that you have a quote from a dining hall worker. That adds a unique perspective and a countering opinion. Another suggestion would be to shorten some of the paragraphs. They are a little long and each paragraph should be roughly the same size. One more thing to be mindful of is the repetition of phrases. You mention spending money at the pub a few times and removing some would save you some words. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this! Nice job!
Quinnly – This article provided a good overview of why a student might want to become involved with student journalism and in particular what it’s like to do work for the Bolt. The description of the variety of types of articles that are included in the Bolt and how they get to be assigned really illustrated the types of decision making that goes into making a paper. I liked how the article took journalism and the role of the Bolt from the high level (“fostering creativity and critical thinking”) to the practical steps of story assignment.
Lizzie – I think this article presented a great perspective of the issues facing student athletes with dining options at UNE. I liked the way each interview laid out how the student was impacted and the different options they turned to – it was a nice example of comparing the similarities and differences between student class years and the type of accommodations they had. I’d like to see more from the people who work in the dining halls or the administration on this topic.
Really cool topic! I know taking this journalism class I have become familiar with the Bolt but I bet a bunch of other students at UNE would find this to be something totally new. I really like the length of each paragraph as it made the article super digestible. The quotes were also very engaging and got a point across. Overall I really enjoyed reading your article!
Lizzie’s Feature
Overall a really interesting article! As someone you interviewed it was cool to read and see how you spun the story. I think your headline works but should be capitalized better. As for your subheadline I think it is just way too long and wordy. I would say the same goes for the rest of your paragraphs too. I think if they were a bit shorter overall the article would be more digestible. Outside of that I think you did a great job!
Nice article! I really enjoyed learning about the school newspaper “the bolt”. I really liked the headline because it really draws the leader in. The subheadline goes really well with the headline, they work well and compliment each other great. I thought the quotes were really helpful to the story and I thought the quote from Hedegard about national topics needing to be localized to get rid of polarized journalism. One suggestion would be explaining the background of “The Bolt”, and where it came from, when it was originally made and who started it. Other than that I think you did a great job!
Quinnly: This article does a great job highlighting the experience of joining a student newspaper. As well as the experience gained from writing for a schools newspaper. You do a good job of highlighting this by quotes from writers. I think this piece is well crafted and formatted with a strong ending. I believe there are some small grammar issues and the sub and lede could be shortened up a bit.
Lizzie: This is a great topic that I have struggled with as a student athlete myself. I believe it is not talked about much either, but you do a good job of highlighting the struggle. The quotes are great and they support the main issue of the article. Some things to consider would be talking to one of the dining hall managers to see why they are not open later. Possibly talking about the windward 24/7 store and how it has some options for meals. Maybe talking to someone at the pub to see why they shut down their grill so early. I also think your sub could be condensed a bit.
The story does a good job showing how athletes at the University of New England struggle with limited food options after late practices. It uses quotes from athletes like Marissa Durrett and Danielle DeJon to explain how they’re often stuck eating unhealthy or expensive food. The story also gives different perspectives, like from a student worker and a student who has a kitchen in her dorm, which makes the issue feel more complete. However, the story could be better by explaining why the dining hall closes early and if the school is planning to make any changes, like keeping it open later. It would also help to include opinions from school officials or dining staff to give a fuller picture. Another suggestion is to talk more about how this affects athletes’ health could make the story stronger. Overall, the story is good at showing the problem but could improve by looking into possible solutions and explaining the reasons behind the current rules.
Quinnly:
The article does a great job of showing how student newspapers like The Bolt help students build important skills like communication, creativity, and critical thinking. By focusing on writers like Emily Hedegard, CJ Greenway, and Arianna Ochs, it shows how students grow by writing about things they care about and gaining real experience. It also highlights how The Bolt gets students involved and helps them connect with the community, supporting both personal and campus growth. What works well in the article is how clearly it explains how student journalism can help writers prepare for future jobs. The personal stories of the writers make it feel relatable and easy to understand. The article is simple and clear, making it easy to see the value of being part of a student newspaper. However, it could be better by talking more about the challenges the writers face or how their experiences will help them later on. Overall, the article does a good job of showing the benefits of student-run newspapers in a short and clear way.
13 thoughts on “JOURNAL # 13 (FC FEEDBACK # 4)”
Quinnly –
I like the number of quotes you had, I feel like you had just enough imput while letting them speak for themselves. I like that you rounded off the article with sort of the big quote, from the editor in chief which I think makes it round off with a bang. One thing I could say is you only had student writer quotes in your article, you could perhaps branch out and get perspectives from readers or the advisor of the Bolt just to add a new voice in there. There were also some minor spelling or grammatical errors like if the majors should be capitalized, or Champlain being spelt without the ‘m’ in the 7th paragraph. However, despite those types of things I think the overall structure is good, the paragraphs are short and easy to read.
Lizzie-
I like the number of quotes you got; it made it sound like your research was thorough. Off the bat I might say your subhead is pretty long, it some of it could be saved for the lead to make it shorter and easier to digest. I also wonder because you mentioned the pub, the forum, and the dining as the three main meal options for athletes, which I agree are the most convenient and accessible. However, you could have also mentioned windward, makeshift dorm meals, or off campus meal options that could add to the argument. I also think it’s important to add quotes not from student athletes which you did do but it was sort of added at the end with less explanation and I might have liked more opinions on that or from other dining staff members.
Lizzie:
I think you have a lot of great information and I like the overall idea of your story. Starting with the header, I would reword it in a different way to make it flow a bit better. I would suggest something like “UNE athletes and the limited dining options.” Your sub headline seems more like a nut graf, and I would suggest moving it to be your third or fourth paragraph. It is a bit long to be your sub headline, as they should only be 10 words max. Yours is sitting at 69 words which is definitely a bit long to be your sub headline. By moving it to your nut graf, you are providing more background information about the dining options offered at UNE and the exact times that they close, which aids the overall message of your piece. It’s amazing how many sources you were able to get, which is all super valuable information. It does seem like all of the paragraphs you have, other than your lead and second paragraph, focus mainly on quotes. It would be beneficial if you took out some of the sources you used, and rather made the paragraphs have more background information in them. I would also take out the questions you proposed in different parts of your report such as in the last paragraph and in the sub headline. It is better to provide more concrete and direct information in this case because you do not want to leave the readers wondering why you didn’t necessarily answer your own questions.
Quinnly:
Starting off, I really like your lead. It is clear and gives good background on student newspapers and what the overall point of them is. This is important information, as your report is based on the UNE student paper and how starting off in the field now can benefit you as a future journalist. I think in this case you could alter your headline a bit and make it a bit less broad. You could instead say something along the lines of “Start your journalism journey at the University of New England.” This gives a bit more clarity to your story and more directly gives insight to what your article will be about. I am just a bit torn on your sub headline, because it is good, but could be reworded in a different way. You could say something like “At the University of New England the student newspaper ‘The Bolt’ is a way students share their journalism journey.” Again, the sub headline is great, I would just reword it a tad bit. Your quotes are great as well, and work well with each other. Something else small that I noticed was in a few different paragraphs with the quotes and how you framed them. Specifically looking at paragraph 10, you introduce Hedegard and the importance of writing about local news. You mention her name and then write her quote, which is then followed by “Hedegard says.” You can get rid of the “Hedegard says” and just end the paragraph with the quote for better framing. You had also done this is your paragraphs for Greenway and Ochs.
Quinnley
I loved your piece because you took your own turn on something that you are involved in. Even though you are involved in The Bolt no personal bias is shown here. I love how you introduced the student newspaper and how they affect the community but consider adding a hook (who, what, when, where, and why) before it. Something that I would also consider is introducing Emily right before her quote instead of having a Bolt introduction in between her and her quote. I would also do this with everyone else you interviewed. Connect these quotes to who said them. Also, fixing things as simple as capitalizing majors and making sure there is no random capitalization within your article will make it that much more of a strong piece.
Lizzie
This piece resonated with me as a student athlete myself. Something that I would work on is making your subheadline shorter. It may make it more powerful if you condense what you already have. Make your points stronger by turning “Multiple athletes” and “Many athletes” into just “athletes”. Overall I loved this piece, and something I appreciate is how many people you interviewed for it, makes it a credible piece. You could email staff in charge of dining to make it even stronger.
I really liked this topic. I am not a student athlete so it was very interesting to hear the struggles that student athletes have. One thing I would fix is shortening your subheadline and having something more simple like “UNE students struggle with food options from early dining hall closure” Your quotes were great and went really well. Your paragraphs were a little long so shortening them into multiple paragraphs I think will really help. It was great you got quotes from both sides and there was not a bias in your article, and including a dining hall workers point of view was great to add. Overall I think you had a great topic and did it really well.
Lizzie: I think you had a great article that really spoke to people, and even as someone who isn’t a student athlete, I was upset FOR the athletes that have to go through this. I liked how you got quotes from people who have a kitchen and no kitchen, cars and no cars, and even a student worker in the dining hall. I will say however there were quite a few things to work on to make it even better than it already is. In the beginning in the headline, all of those first letters should be capitalized and there should be no period at the end of it. You also have a REALLY long paragraph below the headline; it’s supposed to be a sub-headline not an informational paragraph so I’d move that entire paragraph down and have the sub-headline be something along the lines of “University of New England students athletes struggle to find dining options due to athletic schedules”. Your first paragraph I’d break into two sentences, preferably where it says …8 pm. (get rid of the word which) Meaning, when most…. I would also reword the second sentence to something like “By this time, most dining options are closed, leaving less convenient and expensive options available”. In the second paragraph I’d look over for some grammatical errors, there’s some spots that could use commas. The third paragraph is a little long and needs to be broken up. I also would reword the section that says “from other places and the only thing she is able to eat” all the way until the end of that paragraph, maybe along the lines of “The only option she is usually left with is spending an excessive amount of money on food at the grocery store”. In the 4th paragraph as well as in the 8th paragraph you just seem to randomly through the word “either” in a lot and it doesn’t make sense. I’d also capitalize the “F” in Forum since it’s the name of a building. The first sentence in the 5th paragraph I would get rid of since it’s a repeat almost word for word of what you said previously in another sentence. Again, I’d check for grammatical errors I see some spots where I’d include commas. You say “Athletes after practice should be eating healthier” and I would get rid of that unless you have a student saying that. Whether that statement is correct or not, you just included your opinion in saying athletes should be eating healthy food. In that same sentence you say how they should be eating healthier foods due to “keep up with their intense schedules” and I’d reword that it doesn’t make any sense that a person needs to eat healthier because they have an intense schedule. If that needs to be included it should be talked about how students athletes advocate they need to keep in shape and put better food into their bodies so they stay that way, but you talking about schedules makes no sense (students who aren’t athletes can have intense schedules) and again it needs to come from a student because that’s opinion based. You also mention flex dollars, you should explain what flex dollars are because an outsider wouldn’t know what you’re talking about. In the 6th paragraph on the back page you say “or” before DeJon, you should replace that with the word “as” so it makes sense. The 7th paragraph is long, you should break it up into two. With the quotes you go from this person, I’d make that less sentence a different paragraph and you can talk about spending money again because they advocate (and you introduce her as she has no problem with ) how they don’t mind about the dining hall issues, but then at the end talk about how they’d prefer to eat at the dining hall because they’d save money. In the 8th paragraph you say “elaborated” but there’s no quote on the elaboration just the writer talking. Again, check for punctuation and grammatical errors. The final paragraph I’d reword and also get rid of the question. I also think overall your piece seemed a little bias due to some areas, so I would try and sound more neutral.
Quinnly: I think you had a great informational piece for aspiring journalists that are interested in pursuing this. I like how you spoke to some journalists as well as the Editor in Chief of the school newspaper. I think you included some great quotes. You have a lot of grammatical errors you need to fix throughout. In your sub-headline as well as the 5th paragraph, you repeatedly say ” a part” and it’s one word “apart”, writing it as two words gives the sentence an entirely different meaning that makes sound like it doesn’t make sense. In the 2nd paragraph you say “The Bolt. Provides” and it should be a comma not a period, therefore de-capitalizing the P in provides. In the 3rd paragraph you name some articles and if those are the names of articles they should all be capitalized. If not, you say “, The launch…” and that one word shouldn’t have a capitalized T when the rest of it doesn’t. Your sentence “While the topics have many differences. They”, that should be a comma as well not a period. In the 4th paragraph, you need to capitalize the T when you say The Bolt, you didn’t there. You should also include a comma after “Bolt” and before “I”. I’d also get rid of the comma you have in between the word “piece” and the word “and” on the first line. You mention CJ Greenway AFTER you quote her, you should be introducing her at the beginning of the paragraph like you do with every other person because otherwise it sounds like Emily was still the one speaking. You should also capitalize the N in Nursing since you’re talking about her major. In the 6th paragraph you should have a period in between the words “Around” and “Having” on the second line from the bottom all the way to the left. On the back page, 7th paragraph (first one at the top), again capitalize the T in The Bolt and if those are names of articles they should be capitalized. In the last sentence of that paragraph it would make sense if after you say “hard news” you put the quote and then after the quote say “Greenway states.” It would just make more sense that way. When introducing Arianna Ochs, you should capitalize her major Marine Science. In that same paragraph I’d move the comma you have in between “from” and “guest” and move it over in between “campus” and from” (both of those are on the second to last sentence from the bottom right in the middle) as well as getting rid of the punctuation you have in between the words “lectures” and “and”. When you quote Ochs in the 9th paragraph I’d say “So for us a big part in deciding article topics is: ‘Are people excited about the topic?’ and ‘Does it excite the writer?'” added Ochs.” In the next paragraph when you say Editor in Chief you need to capitalize the C in Chief since you are naming her official title. In your final paragraph, second to last sentence from the bottom, uncapitalize the I in the word It.
Quinnly
This was a great article to read, as Jesse said “reporting on the reporters”. This was well structured and the formatting and verbiage is consistent. It was very engaging to read, especially in sense of getting background of our school’s new paper and the students who are apart of it. Also, the quotes used were very informative and got the points across to the reader, the quotes speaks for themselves. There is couple of things that need fixing like capitalization of majors, some are and others are not. Another thing the sub-header is a little long and could be used within a nut graph or rewriting it to be shorter.
Lizzie
This was a good article and was very interesting to look at, student athletes have busy schedule and can’t make it dining hall or have money to get food outside of what is offered by the school. The quotes are very good and bring out the different perspectives, I especially like the quote from a student worker from the dining hall. This is showcasing what the dining hall workers deal with after students dining times. There a few things that I would change is your the length the sub-header, to something like “the dining option for student athletes limited option for dining after practices”, this gives more information but leaving the reader wanting more. The information in the sub-header is good, but is a better nut graph or something along those lines. Another thing is splinting up the paragraphs that are larger making sure they are easy to read.
Quinnly- Journalism At UNE
For starters I think that this was a really cool topic. I know that UNE can tend to focus on their sports teams and sometimes can forget the other talents that students here have so seeing another side was very interesting. I think the headline will also being able to let the reader know what they are going to be reading about right away. Another thing that I thought was good was the information being given, specifically in the quotes. Many people that do not go to the university do not know what the bolt is so giving the outside reader an understanding will help. One thing I think the could be improved is the sub heading. I think the information being given is good but could be a little shorter. Other than a few grammar corrections I think this article is exactly where it needs to be.
Lizzy- Food For Student Athletes
I think that this was a good article to write about even for students that work on campus. I know a few friends of who work of campus and try to save money and come back and get food but it is too late for them. I also thought that your quotes gave good an idea for what student athletes have to go through in season. One thing I think that could be worked on is the formatting of the article. The paragraphs are lengthy and could be trimmed or even turned into more paragraphs if need wanted to. I also felt like this article was a little bias until we got to Emma Michaud. Bringing both sides to the story earlier could help that. Finally I think the sub heading is a pretty long and could be summed up. I think the information you,d be used in the next paragraph.
Quinnly’s Feature
First off, nice job! I think the headline does a good job of setting up interest. The subheadline also provides some nice information about what the story is about. The lede and following paragraphs set up the story nicely. This type of story requires some context and you gave plenty of necessary information. I really enjoy the quotes that you use. I like that you have a quote from the editor and regular writers. I think it might be nice to have some more quotes from other writers or the academic advisor. A suggestion would be to look at capitalization of the majors. Emily’s major is capitalized but the other ones are not. Another comment would be to only mention the Champlain Hall ping pong tournament once. It is repetitive and could be taken out. Overall, I think this is a really good feature! It’s an interesting topic and you did a great job!
Lizzie’s Feature
Nice job! This is an important issue and an interesting topic. The headline is interesting, but you should explore a more creative option. The subheadline has some really good information! However, a subheadline should only be about twenty words. A lot of that information can be moved into the lede or nut graph. The quotes that you use are really beneficial for the piece! I like that you have quotes from a variety of sports. I think that widens perspectives and it allows for more insight. I also appreciate that you have a quote from a dining hall worker. That adds a unique perspective and a countering opinion. Another suggestion would be to shorten some of the paragraphs. They are a little long and each paragraph should be roughly the same size. One more thing to be mindful of is the repetition of phrases. You mention spending money at the pub a few times and removing some would save you some words. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this! Nice job!
Quinnly – This article provided a good overview of why a student might want to become involved with student journalism and in particular what it’s like to do work for the Bolt. The description of the variety of types of articles that are included in the Bolt and how they get to be assigned really illustrated the types of decision making that goes into making a paper. I liked how the article took journalism and the role of the Bolt from the high level (“fostering creativity and critical thinking”) to the practical steps of story assignment.
Lizzie – I think this article presented a great perspective of the issues facing student athletes with dining options at UNE. I liked the way each interview laid out how the student was impacted and the different options they turned to – it was a nice example of comparing the similarities and differences between student class years and the type of accommodations they had. I’d like to see more from the people who work in the dining halls or the administration on this topic.
Quinnly’s Feature
Really cool topic! I know taking this journalism class I have become familiar with the Bolt but I bet a bunch of other students at UNE would find this to be something totally new. I really like the length of each paragraph as it made the article super digestible. The quotes were also very engaging and got a point across. Overall I really enjoyed reading your article!
Lizzie’s Feature
Overall a really interesting article! As someone you interviewed it was cool to read and see how you spun the story. I think your headline works but should be capitalized better. As for your subheadline I think it is just way too long and wordy. I would say the same goes for the rest of your paragraphs too. I think if they were a bit shorter overall the article would be more digestible. Outside of that I think you did a great job!
Quinnly’s Story:
Nice article! I really enjoyed learning about the school newspaper “the bolt”. I really liked the headline because it really draws the leader in. The subheadline goes really well with the headline, they work well and compliment each other great. I thought the quotes were really helpful to the story and I thought the quote from Hedegard about national topics needing to be localized to get rid of polarized journalism. One suggestion would be explaining the background of “The Bolt”, and where it came from, when it was originally made and who started it. Other than that I think you did a great job!
Quinnly: This article does a great job highlighting the experience of joining a student newspaper. As well as the experience gained from writing for a schools newspaper. You do a good job of highlighting this by quotes from writers. I think this piece is well crafted and formatted with a strong ending. I believe there are some small grammar issues and the sub and lede could be shortened up a bit.
Lizzie: This is a great topic that I have struggled with as a student athlete myself. I believe it is not talked about much either, but you do a good job of highlighting the struggle. The quotes are great and they support the main issue of the article. Some things to consider would be talking to one of the dining hall managers to see why they are not open later. Possibly talking about the windward 24/7 store and how it has some options for meals. Maybe talking to someone at the pub to see why they shut down their grill so early. I also think your sub could be condensed a bit.
Lizzie:
The story does a good job showing how athletes at the University of New England struggle with limited food options after late practices. It uses quotes from athletes like Marissa Durrett and Danielle DeJon to explain how they’re often stuck eating unhealthy or expensive food. The story also gives different perspectives, like from a student worker and a student who has a kitchen in her dorm, which makes the issue feel more complete. However, the story could be better by explaining why the dining hall closes early and if the school is planning to make any changes, like keeping it open later. It would also help to include opinions from school officials or dining staff to give a fuller picture. Another suggestion is to talk more about how this affects athletes’ health could make the story stronger. Overall, the story is good at showing the problem but could improve by looking into possible solutions and explaining the reasons behind the current rules.
Quinnly:
The article does a great job of showing how student newspapers like The Bolt help students build important skills like communication, creativity, and critical thinking. By focusing on writers like Emily Hedegard, CJ Greenway, and Arianna Ochs, it shows how students grow by writing about things they care about and gaining real experience. It also highlights how The Bolt gets students involved and helps them connect with the community, supporting both personal and campus growth. What works well in the article is how clearly it explains how student journalism can help writers prepare for future jobs. The personal stories of the writers make it feel relatable and easy to understand. The article is simple and clear, making it easy to see the value of being part of a student newspaper. However, it could be better by talking more about the challenges the writers face or how their experiences will help them later on. Overall, the article does a good job of showing the benefits of student-run newspapers in a short and clear way.