Brady
I would go back over this to check for both grammar (particularly punctuation) and accuracy, as immediately you say the fall semester of 2024, but the year is wrong since we are only in the spring of 2024. Other than that, the lead provides important information on the background of what candidates go through in the hiring process. It is good to hear from a recently hired staff member, confirming that it is a lengthy process. I also like Woodworth giving an insight to why some people have left, but it would be good to hear from other departments too, since this feature is about the hiring process at UNE, not just within the environmental department. As a reader, I would like to hear from someone on a hiring committee at the school, as I feel they can explain why the process is so long. You mention that the process begins months in advance, with the in-person interviews as a “final round” but what else do candidates have to do in advance? Good start overall, but this piece would significantly benefit from further interviews and information. I am honestly unsure about the audience, perhaps that could also be refined with more information, but I guess anyone who has seen presentations by candidates or faculty.
Gage
Your lead brings the reader into the conflict, raising questions about the campus center gym. As you move forward, it is vital to put quotation marks around your quotes, as it was challenging at first to identify when a quote began and ended. Additionally moving them to another line would further correct this confusion. Also reading through this out loud will help fix the grammar and punctuation along the way. The tone you use in this feature comes across as an essay, and we can see where the journalist is directly entered by using “we” and various biases that appear throughout (paragraphs four and five). While interviewing Ruset was nice, it does not provide a current relevance since he has graduated from UNE, interviewing current students who actually face this problem at this gym would be better interview choices. This also can be applied to when you discuss solutions, you can ask someone you interview if they think there are plausible solutions, and input their response into your paragraph about solutions. You can also interview campus center faculty – or at least attribute the information about the “busy times” at the gym to someone or some source.
Nate
Okay so, immediately there is bias in the subheading, I would pose it as a question so you avoid this. The stat in the beginning is nice, I am curious if you could compare two averages – one from before 2020 and one from now. You state the average from the National Institution of College Stores, but what year is this from? I am glad you talk about the difference between private and public universities, and how the tuition is affected by this identification, it is great context. Another question that could arise from this is, “is UNE hurting itself with such high textbook costs?” simply because they are so expensive. You touch on the subject of students, seeking exterior websites and rental places to obtain textbooks, but if they were cheaper at the University, they would be gaining more money instead of these sites. In that way, the University could potentially be losing money because the costs are too high; just something to consider. I think this would add to the impact more when you say that UNE may not even need a bookstore in the future. Other than that, your storytelling and quotes are good, I wonder if you could get someone from the library to talk about the textbooks they host there – or even just propose the point that the library has textbooks, but not all the ones needed for every class.
Overall I think this piece is well written and brings up some crucial points. I liked the quotes that were included. I think the piece could benefit from a specific example like look up a specific book and see the price online compared to the price in the bookstore. I think the pieces could also benefit from the perspective of someone who makes the decisions on the pricing (not sure who that would be). Another thing that could potentially be added is some solutions that could be pursued to help improve this problem. Also you bring up the fact that students are paying for tuition, housing and meal plans more than once so that is a little repetitive and only needs to be said once. Also if you read the pieces out loud i think that would help you improve the general flow of the piece and help you add more creative language throughout. Besides that this is a great piece. Nate has little to do before submission.
Feedback for Gage:
Overall I think this piece is very well written and brings up some good points. I don’t have a lot of critiques for the piece and I believe there is little Gage had to do before submission. Some things that I would add would be what times the gym is open and what kind of equipment they have in there currently. Also in the beginning you say “which is not that special” I would get rid of that line. Also there is a section where you say “ A crowded and cramped environment can deter individuals from engaging in physical activity, impacting their overall well-being. Furthermore, limited equipment availability may hinder individuals from pursuing their fitness goals effectively.” This is all very good information and I feel that it should be in your first paragraph right after your lead. I also think it would be useful to get a quote from the person or people who are in charge of making the decisions that need to be made to improve the campus center gym. Maybe ask them why this isn’t a bigger priority to the university. I also think this piece could benefit from a few more student testimonials. It would be good to get a quote from someone who works there and see their perspective on the issue.
Feedback for Brady:
Overall I really like this piece and think it is well written. It’s good to know that the process is so extensive. I think the piece could benefit from some more quotes. It would be interesting to hear about the Hiring process from several different perspectives, especially from someone on the hiring committee. I also think the story would benefit from some statistics like how many positions need to be filled, how many teachers they have right now and things like that. There are also several parts throughout the story that don’t flow the best and I think if you read it out loud and change the wording around a little you could easily fix that. The way you end off the story by saying “this isn’t even mentioning the other departments that are also searching for new teachers and staff. I feel like that should be cut out and there should be a better ending. Maybe you could do some more research about which departments are needing more professors and how many professors they are looking for. I also feel like the strain that this is putting on the remaining teachers could be emphasized a little more.
Brady
I liked your headline, but in your lead it says fall of 2024 but we are in spring unless you mean that more will happen. What positions of faculty have opened up? and why are they leaving? Maybe find a quote about it from a dean or the professor’s boss. I feel like this went into more of one department type. Are there any other departments besides just the environmental department. Maybe talk about who sits in on these interviews and why it takes all day? I liked the quotes you got but I feel like they don’t give enough detail. I like how you told it the storytelling is good. I feel like it builds on it the more you write in the paragraphs, and the longer I read I get more information.
Gage
I really liked it. It is a big issue I think too. I think that if you added interviews maybe with staff that work there(I have a friend that does). They would help add credit and like we were talking about yesterday making it the opinion of the interviewers view point thus making your piece so much more valuable than it already is. Maybe also interview people who go there regularly and maybe find someone who doesn’t go because of the space issue.
Nate
I think that an interview comparing like stem majors to other majors that aren’t stem based would very interesting because have friends that have to buy from the book store, and they are so expensive and then I can just get my books if they have books from different places because for some reason the book store never actually has the books i need in stock because of my major. Some of the paragraphs you have need an inverter to help back it. Otherwise I really liked it.
Brady:
I really like the tone you are bringing to your headline and subheadline—it feels professional, yet you use creative word choices like “headfirst dive” and “interviewing spree” to keep the reader engaged and hooked on the story. Moving into your lede, I like how you keep it open by not providing all the details, such as which departments or what faculty, but allude to the fact that you will get into the specifics, and that gives me just enough information to keep reading and find out. There are a couple of places, like in the second paragraph, where the wording might feel a bit choppy, but as you continue to draft and maybe read aloud for some pauses or breaking points, I think it will have a great impact. I like your quote from a newly hired research librarian, Conner, as it brings a nice, timely aspect to your article that backs up your claim in the subheading that there have been a lot of new hires in the last year. I know you are still drafting and editing, but I definitely think having a direct quote from Prof. Woodworth would help give you some credibility and then allow you to expand on her words rather than just trying to relay them. One last point you might think about as you continue is what angle you are bringing – maybe it’s a glimpse into only the hiring process, or maybe you could bring in more of what Woodworth sets up for in why so many positions are open or needed.
Nate:
I am definitely intrigued by your headline, and it does have a very jarring element to it. Maybe you could add just a bit more of that perspective/context to your subheadline – I’m thinking of something that could let us know that it isn’t really a debt issue you are raising; it is more of a financial burden on students compared to what they think is doable. You do a great job of formatting your story – it reads smoothly across the page, and the information is separated really well. I also thought the nut graph-type paragraphs that disclosed how UNE is a private institution and how that makes a significant difference compared to federally funded universities was a great point in adding context. I like your three student quotes — I think they give a good idea of the mood and realities from a student’s perspective. You also balanced that well with getting a bookstore employee’s side. If you do have a direct quote from that encounter, that might be nice to incorporate and allow you to expand on that rather than try to reiterate what they said. One last minor question I have is if you were to ask someone who works in the bookstore who is not a student about what they have noticed in the past decade or so, how many students actually use the bookstore at all? That might give you great stats to bolster your impactful statement at the end, where you question if UNE should even have a physical bookstore.
Gage:
This is a very interesting story, and I especially like how your headline opens up the question and leaves us wanting to know more about the specifics. Then, moving into your subhead, it leads us to a more narrow-angle about student satisfaction toward the campus center. In your lede, you also allow for more specifics, such as the size and functionality, which connects us back to the headline. There might be a few spots in the lede that could sound repetitive, but as you keep drafting and reading some parts aloud, you might find some areas for concision. I really like how you provide some of that necessary information following the lede with the times of day that are super busy and also direct experience from someone who has had years of working out there and is now a part of the staff for the football team. You have a good flow from this more informative section into your transition to the angle of impacting fitness goals and overall well-being. I also like how you can weave in some possible solutions. One thing I might want to know as a reader is what current students think and maybe even their ideas for potential solutions – adding a couple of quotes like that could help a lot.
Gage ,
I think your lead could be improved by offering more of a “hook”. I think starting out with something less general, more specific to UNE (e.g; The campus center gym at UNE is busy, is maybe too small, has to host intramural sports and the gym, serves public/students) would be a lot better. You could dramatize by saying something like “Crisis at Campus Center” or something.
I think your angle is clear, but you might be inserting yourself into the story too much. Be clear on what’s fact and what’s opinion; keep to the facts.
I think you could use at least one more person interviewed. It would be good to speak with a student or community member quickly about their thoughts on the space/adequacy of the gym. I’d also try and get in contact with someone who runs the campus center. My recommendation would be Bob Eagle, he’s the director of the campus center, and is generally a nice guy. He’d probably be able to offer great info about the facuility use.
Your use of quotes could be improved, in that you need to use quotation marks when quoting people. Work on making the quotations easily understood as their own thing, right now it’s hard to tell what’s what.
You could use more backstory. When was the building made? How long has it been since it’s been renovated?
Storytelling could use some work as well. Why is the campus center gym so crowded? Who’s dropping the ball?
I think your story is decently relevant, and I like that you’re thinking about solutions, I’d just be careful of making an opinion piece rather than a feature story. What are the facts of the situation?
Brady,
Your lead could do with more specifics on why the hiring process is ramping up at the moment. Your lead is somewhat missing a hook or story thread, and additionally lacks specifics on the situation. You should have some elements of both.
I can see your angle somewhat developing later in your story, with it being specifically about the Environmental program. I think focusing on the story or perspective you’re trying to show and thinking about what the core questions and answers your article has.
I like that you have a recently hired person as well as a professor that knows a bit about the inner workings of the hiring process. I think it could be interesting to talk to someone who would know what other programs are hiring; just to give an idea of how many professors the school’s trying to attain.
You could definitely employ the use of quotes from your interviews more. Instead of writing out to explain most of what they said, you could let the quotations say what you’re writing out and not dedicate the time to explaining what happened.
For context, as I mentioned earlier, it would be good to have details about how many professors the college is trying to employ, what departments are holding interviews, and why the school is losing professors/expanding programs.
I’d like to see some storytelling techniques employed, such as possibly trying to present a narrative about why there are so many new hires. Currently, it’s a lot of explanations without much to hold interest.
I think there could be an audience and impact for this piece, if there was a bit more of a concrete explanation of why the phenomenon is happening, and what departments are hiring the most.
Nate,
Your lead needs fleshing out. I’d try to paint a more vivid picture of the prices in the bookstore, and how lots of the books are required for certain classes.
I think your angle is clear. I like how you mention digital textbooks at the end, but it’s also confusing. Is the article about the bookstore, or about the shift away from physical books?
I think your interviews are good as they are currently, but it would be interesting to get into contact with a person who works/manages the bookstore? There must be some sort of person running it, so asking them about the prices, even if they stonewall you, would provide a lot of information about how it’s run.
You use quotations adequately. I like how you have different student perspectives and information from the bookstore employee. The only one I’m not sure about is the interview with Will, and its relevance to your article.
You’ve done a really good job of explaining context and backstory, by providing statistics for the increase in book prices, the annual cost of buying textbooks, and the information about differing prices from school to school. I think it would be interesting context to compare the prices of textbooks in the school to digital storefront copies. Additionally, mentioning the practices of the textbook publishers making a new edition every year/including digital codes to do homework in books to force students to buy the latest edition.
The lead could use a little more storytelling technique, in that you could paint a picture of the cost and prohibitive prices there.
I think your piece has impact and an audience, as all of us have balked at the cost of a textbook.
Brady:
Lead: I really like the concept, but I think you could make the lead and headline a bit more engaging, and I would read through the piece aloud to help fix some grammar mistakes. In the headline, I would change the capitalization to something like “A Headfirst Dive into the Hiring Process at UNE”, or something similar.
People Interviewed/Quotes: I think that you’ve interviewed people with important perspectives to share, which is important! I would maybe interview someone who interviews applicants for jobs at UNE, as I think that could yield some really engaging insight. I would also use more quotes from your existing interviews. I would also move Emily-Conner’s quote to the beginning of the section where you write about how long the UNE interviews are, as I think it would be a good and credible segue.
Context/Backstory: I think, because of the recent spike in interviewing, the context is RELEVANT, and you’ve done a good job so far of cataloging the process, but I would add more detail about the process, who’s involved, how they decide between applicants, etc.
Impact/Audience: I think this article is really interesting and has a lot of potential to be really impactful to readers, and, if a bit more info about the process is added, I think it’ll lend itself really well to students.
Gage:
Lead: I like the kind of “outline” the lead gives the reader, letting them know the issues at hand and some context! I think it could be a little more concise, and maybe a bit more engaging, but I think it has a great structure as of right now.
People Interviewed/Quotes: I like that you have an interview from a faculty member! I would try to get one from a student, or from anyone who still regularly utilizes the space. Also, I would make sure to implement direct quotes from the interviewee, with quotation marks, but I think the info you’ve gathered from quotes so far is really valuable.
Context/Backstory: I think you do a good job of outlining the issues, but I think some background is needed to highlight why they exist? Why is space being utilized poorly? What are some issues with the scheduling right now? What kinds of dynamics need to be fixed? Answering some of those questions I think could help readers get the big picture and more thoroughly understand the article!
Impact/Audience: I think, since so many students use the gym and probably share the same sentiments that this article describes, this piece could hopefully lead to changes in the campus center!!
Nate:
Lead: I think that the lead and headline could use a bit more detail and context to make it more appealing for readers. Maybe mentioning a bit about the topic in the lead could be beneficial as well.
People Interviewed/Quotes: I like the variety of people that you’ve interviewed, and I think potentially interviewing a worker or student employee of the bookstore could be useful too, to shed more light on the underlying problems of the bookstore. I would definitely revise some of the grammatical errors within the used quotes, too.
Context/Backstory: I really like how you’ve compared UNE to other schools, as I think that adds a lot of useful context.
Impact/Audience: I think this article voices a lot of shared concerns among students, so I think with the necessary changes it could really resonate with the student body, and could even affect real change!
Brady-
I like the lead however I think you might want to go into the why these hirings are happening or just remove the first paragraph all together depending on the story you want to tell. I would also change the wording a little in that 2nd paragraph when you’re summing up a day for the interviewee. I love getting the interview with a new hire as that adds a lot to talk about. However, in that same paragraph change the wording a bit as your repeated yourself. I would also look to figure out which story to tell at the first as you get into more of how a new professor’s day would go not employee. I love how you also got the interview with Bethany, and I would look to add a few quotes in there from her as well. Overall, I love the idea of the story however I would look to refining the story.
Gage-
I would swap the headline and the sub-headline as I feel it can add more interest and engagement. I love the use of a former student turned faculty who has both been a part of it as well as heard and seen it. I also like the writing of the story as it sounds good juts would recommend on a few of the paragraphs to try and shorten them or turn them into two. I would also look to get another interview and spread that put instead of just talking about Ruest words the whole time. Possible interviews to get is with any of the campus center staff especially the ones who work in the gym or you could get a interview with anyone who had the power to make the gym the size it is.
Nathan-
The heading in the story is great as it both stats what the article is as well as is engaging. In the headline I would remove etc and say many more as it will add more professionalism in the story. I like how you also included some stats in their as well from trusted sources that added a lot of information and credibility. I would also look to get some interviews in there as well. Some interviews you could possibly get are the bookstore staff to see why the prices are so high as well as anyone who works with the decisions on what books are need in the curriculum of a class.
Nate
I like that this tackles real issues at school, especially the bookstore. Also a spell check on my last came was spelled “D’Arcangelo” Otherwise I like that you have a variety of people that you are using for your quotes. I don’t see many grammatical Errors and I also like the title of this feature. I think that the title is clear and it is evident as to what the feature is about. I also like how you contrast the average amount of money that we at une spend on books with other colleges. I also like how you mentioned the other high costing things that are present at une, I think that It helps with your message.
Gage:
I think that there are a lot of things that came up in terms of organization, primarily in the beginning of the feature, in the first three paragraphs including the lead,right after the title and subtitle. However I do think that this is a good story that has a lot of potential. The campus gym is too small and I’m sure the fitness community on campus would love a larger space. I think comparing facilities with neighboring colleges would help this feature out a lot.On eof the best ways that you can bring someone to ask tough questions and make decisions based on those question is comparison . In this case that evidence is the comparison between une’s campus center gym and another school’s gym.
Brady
I like that you took notice of this “ issue” that is happening on campus with the hiring of new professors. This would work in the Handbook project in professor Millers Intro to Communications class. This is because of how informative this is for students who want to see how many professors are committed to being a part of the une’s faculty. I think that you could benefit from the use of more descriptive words. I think that would help hold this story together more.
Brady:
Double-check for accuracy of information and grammar firstly. I think that your lede could be more engaging, maybe give more information within it instead of keeping it vague. I also think more elaboration could be given on a lot of information provided, especially given how far under the target word count this is, as long as it’s relevant I think it should be included. Overall I really like the idea for this and I think it could be really interesting and informative
Gage:
I think your lede/first paragraph could be a little shorter, and condensing it would eliminate supplementary information and only leave in what’s important. I also think that with the small amount of extra space that you have, you could explain a little bit about why this is important. I also think that this could use a paragraph explaining proposed solutions, because you explain methods that would lead to solution but nothing further. Should they redesign the gym? If yes, with what money? That kind of thing would really make this more engaging.
Nate:
I think the end really makes this a good article, because I think that you’re right about students choosing to purchase books online entirely due to UNE’s upcharge. UNE will miss out on any amount of profit if they don’t decrease their prices. This could be difficult to find, but if you’re able to ask around and get a general ballpark of how much money students are spending on textbooks at the UNE Bookstore per semester, that could be a really useful and powerful piece of information for this article, and you could put this after the $655 figure from the National Institution of College Stores. I do really like how you executed this topic though.
Gage:
In Gage’s feature I definitely think there is room to add in the lead. In addition maybe refining some of the more repetitive paragraphs. However Gage does a really good job breaking down the components and structure of the gym. An interview with someone who uses or used the gym was highly beneficial to analyze the difficulties and lackings the gym has. I think it would also be beneficial to incorporate something of the nature of speaking to someone who works in the campus center gym to see what they have to say and things they see from working in the gym and things that need improvement from that alternate perspective.
Brady:
In Bradys feature I think the lead could use some additions like the content in the paragraph following the lead. As well as a little more detail to the story. I feel like at the movement there is just a little bit missing, so maybe going into detail about the whole hiring process a bit more to add more content. Structure and people interview wise I think those are the strong components of the feature. It’s mentioned in the interview with Bethany Woodworth that she goes into detail about the hiring process, I think it would definitely be valuable to incorporate more of what she had to say.
Nate:
Nate’s lead is a very strong statement that I feel like could improve with the addition of some details to help hook the reader into the story. Alternatively the short and blunt lead could also do so. I think the structure and quoting is strong and helps communicate this issue addressed in the lead of the hardships of college prices. I like the incorporation of alternate sources for buying books. I think that was an important component to include. Overall with some minor additions and edits I think this is a really important and well done piece.
Overall, I thought this was a really well written article. I would add a byline, as currently, the article has no ownership. I would also add a subhead line, maybe giving a better look into the university, and its location. I would also specify that UNE is the University of New England, even though it seems obvious, some readers might not pick it up unless you specifically say. The paragraph describing the day of someone interviewing at UNE feels a bit jumbled and hard to read, maybe splitting it up into separate sentences would help a bit. You also spell “Ketchum” wrong, and I would double check this as it is an article about UNE. You have a few grammatical mistakes that take the reader out of the reading experience and make the article a bit hard to understand at times, so I would suggest reading the article allowed to get rid of choppy sentences and awkward wording.
Gage:
Overall, I really enjoyed this article. I would combine the headline and subhead line into a new headline and rewrite the sub headline. That way, readers will immediately know they are reading about UNE, and that the space issue is in reference to the campus center. Your lede is not particularly engaging, as it just makes UNE sound like any other school with a campus center. You must make your issue seem like an issue, so discussing the importance of the campus center to school culture in your lede can make the issue seem more urgent. Additionally, I would describe what else happens in the campus center, and what makes the building so important to students on campus. The article has quite a few serious grammatical issues, and the run-ons at times make it very hard to understand what is being said. I would suggest reading the article aloud, so that you might catch some of these spots and make the article easier to understand.
Nate:
I really enjoyed reading this article! I would start off by specifying in the headline that the article is written about UNE, and specify what UNE stands for in your sub headline. I liked the way you broke up your information, as it makes sense and is easy to read. In addition, I liked your student interviews, as they gave good insight into the issue you’re writing about. Specifically, I liked your inclusion of a transfer student interview, as it shows that this is not just a UNE issue, but a college issue in general. I think a useful interview to add might be with someone who is involved in pricing or inventory at the bookstore, or even an employee. This way, you would be able to get a more well-rounded view of the happenings and pricing at the bookstore and understand why books are overpriced the way that they are.
Nate-
Your headline piques my interest, and it does have a very good quality. It would be helpful if you could provide a little more background or perspective. For example, you could mention that the financial burden on students is greater than what they believe is manageable, rather than focusing solely on debt. Additionally, incorporating data or personal anecdotes could further enrich the narrative and strengthen your argument. Overall, I found your feature to be thought-provoking and insightful. With some refinement and expansion, it has the potential to spark meaningful discussions and drive positive change within the university’s community.
Brady-
I really liked how you started your FC, it was stern and creative. While there’s still room to address a few more questions, I think your feature was mostly well done. Overall, your feature provides an engaging exploration of UNE’s recruitment efforts and the complexities inherent in staffing academic departments. With continued attention to detail and expansion on key points, the piece has the potential to offer even greater insight into the university’s hiring processes.
Brady:
I appreciate the amount of information you’ve put into this article in a manageable amount of space. There’s a lot here but it doesn’t ever get overwhelming. I do think that you might want to interview some people on hiring committees (people like Jesse who oversee the hiring process), and I feel like the article needs a more concrete ending, but other than that the writing is very good, it reads well, and I appreciate the work put into it. There are a few grammatical issues that can be fixed with just a quick read-over, though.
Just another thing to add is the detail as to why the campus is hiring so much more often right now. I know for a fact that there are at least two more professors in the marine science department, and it sounded a little odd to be hiring so many people at once.
Nate:
I feel like the title could have a little more bravado in there. It is short and gets straight to the point, but it might be helpful to add some flourish? It makes the article sound a little dry. The subheadline could also be added to a little more to give a more exciting overview of the article. The article itself is very concise and straight to the point. I like the amount of research done comparing the inflation of textbook prices to the price of admission to the university, as well as the consideration of other school’s prices, along with any special circumstances that school might have. I do think that online textbooks are going to be the way to go in the future for a lot of students, because a lot of times the prices can be shredded in half or more. I would love to know why the university’s textbook prices are so exorbitantly high in comparison to websites like Amazon or EBay, but I’m not really sure who you’d go to to ask that kind of question.
Gage:
The title is quite good, drawing the reader in with a question. I do go to the gym (sometimes) and a lot of times it is, in fact, quite crowded. As you say in the article, a lot of the machines have lines, there’s only one weight for each level with regards to a lot of the barbells, and there’s really only one machine for each type of exercise (unless you get a little creative). I actually never knew that the room in the back was once a pickleball court, but you’re right in the sentiment that the space could be used a bit more efficiently. I wonder if you could set up a small feedback box near the door to the gym to get a better consensus of student satisfaction, because you talk about that being something that the university should look into. I’d also love to see a bit more interviews, maybe with frequent attendees of the gym, or some of the people/trainers who work at the gym, and maybe even some athletes who use it. Other than that, this is a solid article.
Brady –
I like the opening statements, they give clear description to what the article is about. The ‘headfirst dive’ does add character to the title but changing it to ‘A look’ might give a more professional effect. There’s a few grammar changes that could be made throughout the article to help it flow better. Sharing more detail on what the process is of these ‘all-day’ interviews consist of will help give more detail and make your piece longer. Adding another quote from Woodworth can add personality and give us another perspective. It’s a good article but could have more spice to keep readers interested and consider diving a little deeper into the interview process for more detail. Readers should finish this article knowing details about the hiring process not just a brief overview.
Gage –
I like how right off that bat, you highlight the concern of the campus center and it’s functionality and other debatable issues. It seems self explainoty but consider explaining what a campus center is in the beginning for clarification. Rember to use quotes, not just reference what someone said, quotes add character and perspective that can give the article a powerful standing. What stands out to me is the investigation paragraph, this is a great way to spark change and suggest a solution rather than just point out the problems. It’s a good piece that suggests actual change but I’d like to see more quotes from students and the coach to heighten the article and give it more character. The conclusion recaps the whole article and has a stong closing statement.
Nate –
The bookstore is a great topic to discuss but remember to stay neutral, consider changing the sub-headline to a question of ‘Is the UNE bookstore overspriced’ to be less opinionated. Prefacing the issue of the textbooks and following with a nationwide statistics shows good context and clarifies that there is a serious pricing problem here. I think adding another expenses price statistic to show how much this school really costs can help add more information. Having a student quote and comparison of other schools book prices is a great perspective. Mentioning other textbook platforms for purchase shows that there is an alternate option but showing comparison prices might help strengthen your article. It’s a solid article but could use a little more personality and correction of grammatical mistakes.
14 thoughts on “FEEDBACK FROUP # 5”
Brady
I would go back over this to check for both grammar (particularly punctuation) and accuracy, as immediately you say the fall semester of 2024, but the year is wrong since we are only in the spring of 2024. Other than that, the lead provides important information on the background of what candidates go through in the hiring process. It is good to hear from a recently hired staff member, confirming that it is a lengthy process. I also like Woodworth giving an insight to why some people have left, but it would be good to hear from other departments too, since this feature is about the hiring process at UNE, not just within the environmental department. As a reader, I would like to hear from someone on a hiring committee at the school, as I feel they can explain why the process is so long. You mention that the process begins months in advance, with the in-person interviews as a “final round” but what else do candidates have to do in advance? Good start overall, but this piece would significantly benefit from further interviews and information. I am honestly unsure about the audience, perhaps that could also be refined with more information, but I guess anyone who has seen presentations by candidates or faculty.
Gage
Your lead brings the reader into the conflict, raising questions about the campus center gym. As you move forward, it is vital to put quotation marks around your quotes, as it was challenging at first to identify when a quote began and ended. Additionally moving them to another line would further correct this confusion. Also reading through this out loud will help fix the grammar and punctuation along the way. The tone you use in this feature comes across as an essay, and we can see where the journalist is directly entered by using “we” and various biases that appear throughout (paragraphs four and five). While interviewing Ruset was nice, it does not provide a current relevance since he has graduated from UNE, interviewing current students who actually face this problem at this gym would be better interview choices. This also can be applied to when you discuss solutions, you can ask someone you interview if they think there are plausible solutions, and input their response into your paragraph about solutions. You can also interview campus center faculty – or at least attribute the information about the “busy times” at the gym to someone or some source.
Nate
Okay so, immediately there is bias in the subheading, I would pose it as a question so you avoid this. The stat in the beginning is nice, I am curious if you could compare two averages – one from before 2020 and one from now. You state the average from the National Institution of College Stores, but what year is this from? I am glad you talk about the difference between private and public universities, and how the tuition is affected by this identification, it is great context. Another question that could arise from this is, “is UNE hurting itself with such high textbook costs?” simply because they are so expensive. You touch on the subject of students, seeking exterior websites and rental places to obtain textbooks, but if they were cheaper at the University, they would be gaining more money instead of these sites. In that way, the University could potentially be losing money because the costs are too high; just something to consider. I think this would add to the impact more when you say that UNE may not even need a bookstore in the future. Other than that, your storytelling and quotes are good, I wonder if you could get someone from the library to talk about the textbooks they host there – or even just propose the point that the library has textbooks, but not all the ones needed for every class.
Feedback for Nate:
Overall I think this piece is well written and brings up some crucial points. I liked the quotes that were included. I think the piece could benefit from a specific example like look up a specific book and see the price online compared to the price in the bookstore. I think the pieces could also benefit from the perspective of someone who makes the decisions on the pricing (not sure who that would be). Another thing that could potentially be added is some solutions that could be pursued to help improve this problem. Also you bring up the fact that students are paying for tuition, housing and meal plans more than once so that is a little repetitive and only needs to be said once. Also if you read the pieces out loud i think that would help you improve the general flow of the piece and help you add more creative language throughout. Besides that this is a great piece. Nate has little to do before submission.
Feedback for Gage:
Overall I think this piece is very well written and brings up some good points. I don’t have a lot of critiques for the piece and I believe there is little Gage had to do before submission. Some things that I would add would be what times the gym is open and what kind of equipment they have in there currently. Also in the beginning you say “which is not that special” I would get rid of that line. Also there is a section where you say “ A crowded and cramped environment can deter individuals from engaging in physical activity, impacting their overall well-being. Furthermore, limited equipment availability may hinder individuals from pursuing their fitness goals effectively.” This is all very good information and I feel that it should be in your first paragraph right after your lead. I also think it would be useful to get a quote from the person or people who are in charge of making the decisions that need to be made to improve the campus center gym. Maybe ask them why this isn’t a bigger priority to the university. I also think this piece could benefit from a few more student testimonials. It would be good to get a quote from someone who works there and see their perspective on the issue.
Feedback for Brady:
Overall I really like this piece and think it is well written. It’s good to know that the process is so extensive. I think the piece could benefit from some more quotes. It would be interesting to hear about the Hiring process from several different perspectives, especially from someone on the hiring committee. I also think the story would benefit from some statistics like how many positions need to be filled, how many teachers they have right now and things like that. There are also several parts throughout the story that don’t flow the best and I think if you read it out loud and change the wording around a little you could easily fix that. The way you end off the story by saying “this isn’t even mentioning the other departments that are also searching for new teachers and staff. I feel like that should be cut out and there should be a better ending. Maybe you could do some more research about which departments are needing more professors and how many professors they are looking for. I also feel like the strain that this is putting on the remaining teachers could be emphasized a little more.
Feedback Group #5
Brady
I liked your headline, but in your lead it says fall of 2024 but we are in spring unless you mean that more will happen. What positions of faculty have opened up? and why are they leaving? Maybe find a quote about it from a dean or the professor’s boss. I feel like this went into more of one department type. Are there any other departments besides just the environmental department. Maybe talk about who sits in on these interviews and why it takes all day? I liked the quotes you got but I feel like they don’t give enough detail. I like how you told it the storytelling is good. I feel like it builds on it the more you write in the paragraphs, and the longer I read I get more information.
Gage
I really liked it. It is a big issue I think too. I think that if you added interviews maybe with staff that work there(I have a friend that does). They would help add credit and like we were talking about yesterday making it the opinion of the interviewers view point thus making your piece so much more valuable than it already is. Maybe also interview people who go there regularly and maybe find someone who doesn’t go because of the space issue.
Nate
I think that an interview comparing like stem majors to other majors that aren’t stem based would very interesting because have friends that have to buy from the book store, and they are so expensive and then I can just get my books if they have books from different places because for some reason the book store never actually has the books i need in stock because of my major. Some of the paragraphs you have need an inverter to help back it. Otherwise I really liked it.
Brady:
I really like the tone you are bringing to your headline and subheadline—it feels professional, yet you use creative word choices like “headfirst dive” and “interviewing spree” to keep the reader engaged and hooked on the story. Moving into your lede, I like how you keep it open by not providing all the details, such as which departments or what faculty, but allude to the fact that you will get into the specifics, and that gives me just enough information to keep reading and find out. There are a couple of places, like in the second paragraph, where the wording might feel a bit choppy, but as you continue to draft and maybe read aloud for some pauses or breaking points, I think it will have a great impact. I like your quote from a newly hired research librarian, Conner, as it brings a nice, timely aspect to your article that backs up your claim in the subheading that there have been a lot of new hires in the last year. I know you are still drafting and editing, but I definitely think having a direct quote from Prof. Woodworth would help give you some credibility and then allow you to expand on her words rather than just trying to relay them. One last point you might think about as you continue is what angle you are bringing – maybe it’s a glimpse into only the hiring process, or maybe you could bring in more of what Woodworth sets up for in why so many positions are open or needed.
Nate:
I am definitely intrigued by your headline, and it does have a very jarring element to it. Maybe you could add just a bit more of that perspective/context to your subheadline – I’m thinking of something that could let us know that it isn’t really a debt issue you are raising; it is more of a financial burden on students compared to what they think is doable. You do a great job of formatting your story – it reads smoothly across the page, and the information is separated really well. I also thought the nut graph-type paragraphs that disclosed how UNE is a private institution and how that makes a significant difference compared to federally funded universities was a great point in adding context. I like your three student quotes — I think they give a good idea of the mood and realities from a student’s perspective. You also balanced that well with getting a bookstore employee’s side. If you do have a direct quote from that encounter, that might be nice to incorporate and allow you to expand on that rather than try to reiterate what they said. One last minor question I have is if you were to ask someone who works in the bookstore who is not a student about what they have noticed in the past decade or so, how many students actually use the bookstore at all? That might give you great stats to bolster your impactful statement at the end, where you question if UNE should even have a physical bookstore.
Gage:
This is a very interesting story, and I especially like how your headline opens up the question and leaves us wanting to know more about the specifics. Then, moving into your subhead, it leads us to a more narrow-angle about student satisfaction toward the campus center. In your lede, you also allow for more specifics, such as the size and functionality, which connects us back to the headline. There might be a few spots in the lede that could sound repetitive, but as you keep drafting and reading some parts aloud, you might find some areas for concision. I really like how you provide some of that necessary information following the lede with the times of day that are super busy and also direct experience from someone who has had years of working out there and is now a part of the staff for the football team. You have a good flow from this more informative section into your transition to the angle of impacting fitness goals and overall well-being. I also like how you can weave in some possible solutions. One thing I might want to know as a reader is what current students think and maybe even their ideas for potential solutions – adding a couple of quotes like that could help a lot.
Gage ,
I think your lead could be improved by offering more of a “hook”. I think starting out with something less general, more specific to UNE (e.g; The campus center gym at UNE is busy, is maybe too small, has to host intramural sports and the gym, serves public/students) would be a lot better. You could dramatize by saying something like “Crisis at Campus Center” or something.
I think your angle is clear, but you might be inserting yourself into the story too much. Be clear on what’s fact and what’s opinion; keep to the facts.
I think you could use at least one more person interviewed. It would be good to speak with a student or community member quickly about their thoughts on the space/adequacy of the gym. I’d also try and get in contact with someone who runs the campus center. My recommendation would be Bob Eagle, he’s the director of the campus center, and is generally a nice guy. He’d probably be able to offer great info about the facuility use.
Your use of quotes could be improved, in that you need to use quotation marks when quoting people. Work on making the quotations easily understood as their own thing, right now it’s hard to tell what’s what.
You could use more backstory. When was the building made? How long has it been since it’s been renovated?
Storytelling could use some work as well. Why is the campus center gym so crowded? Who’s dropping the ball?
I think your story is decently relevant, and I like that you’re thinking about solutions, I’d just be careful of making an opinion piece rather than a feature story. What are the facts of the situation?
Brady,
Your lead could do with more specifics on why the hiring process is ramping up at the moment. Your lead is somewhat missing a hook or story thread, and additionally lacks specifics on the situation. You should have some elements of both.
I can see your angle somewhat developing later in your story, with it being specifically about the Environmental program. I think focusing on the story or perspective you’re trying to show and thinking about what the core questions and answers your article has.
I like that you have a recently hired person as well as a professor that knows a bit about the inner workings of the hiring process. I think it could be interesting to talk to someone who would know what other programs are hiring; just to give an idea of how many professors the school’s trying to attain.
You could definitely employ the use of quotes from your interviews more. Instead of writing out to explain most of what they said, you could let the quotations say what you’re writing out and not dedicate the time to explaining what happened.
For context, as I mentioned earlier, it would be good to have details about how many professors the college is trying to employ, what departments are holding interviews, and why the school is losing professors/expanding programs.
I’d like to see some storytelling techniques employed, such as possibly trying to present a narrative about why there are so many new hires. Currently, it’s a lot of explanations without much to hold interest.
I think there could be an audience and impact for this piece, if there was a bit more of a concrete explanation of why the phenomenon is happening, and what departments are hiring the most.
Nate,
Your lead needs fleshing out. I’d try to paint a more vivid picture of the prices in the bookstore, and how lots of the books are required for certain classes.
I think your angle is clear. I like how you mention digital textbooks at the end, but it’s also confusing. Is the article about the bookstore, or about the shift away from physical books?
I think your interviews are good as they are currently, but it would be interesting to get into contact with a person who works/manages the bookstore? There must be some sort of person running it, so asking them about the prices, even if they stonewall you, would provide a lot of information about how it’s run.
You use quotations adequately. I like how you have different student perspectives and information from the bookstore employee. The only one I’m not sure about is the interview with Will, and its relevance to your article.
You’ve done a really good job of explaining context and backstory, by providing statistics for the increase in book prices, the annual cost of buying textbooks, and the information about differing prices from school to school. I think it would be interesting context to compare the prices of textbooks in the school to digital storefront copies. Additionally, mentioning the practices of the textbook publishers making a new edition every year/including digital codes to do homework in books to force students to buy the latest edition.
The lead could use a little more storytelling technique, in that you could paint a picture of the cost and prohibitive prices there.
I think your piece has impact and an audience, as all of us have balked at the cost of a textbook.
Brady:
Lead: I really like the concept, but I think you could make the lead and headline a bit more engaging, and I would read through the piece aloud to help fix some grammar mistakes. In the headline, I would change the capitalization to something like “A Headfirst Dive into the Hiring Process at UNE”, or something similar.
People Interviewed/Quotes: I think that you’ve interviewed people with important perspectives to share, which is important! I would maybe interview someone who interviews applicants for jobs at UNE, as I think that could yield some really engaging insight. I would also use more quotes from your existing interviews. I would also move Emily-Conner’s quote to the beginning of the section where you write about how long the UNE interviews are, as I think it would be a good and credible segue.
Context/Backstory: I think, because of the recent spike in interviewing, the context is RELEVANT, and you’ve done a good job so far of cataloging the process, but I would add more detail about the process, who’s involved, how they decide between applicants, etc.
Impact/Audience: I think this article is really interesting and has a lot of potential to be really impactful to readers, and, if a bit more info about the process is added, I think it’ll lend itself really well to students.
Gage:
Lead: I like the kind of “outline” the lead gives the reader, letting them know the issues at hand and some context! I think it could be a little more concise, and maybe a bit more engaging, but I think it has a great structure as of right now.
People Interviewed/Quotes: I like that you have an interview from a faculty member! I would try to get one from a student, or from anyone who still regularly utilizes the space. Also, I would make sure to implement direct quotes from the interviewee, with quotation marks, but I think the info you’ve gathered from quotes so far is really valuable.
Context/Backstory: I think you do a good job of outlining the issues, but I think some background is needed to highlight why they exist? Why is space being utilized poorly? What are some issues with the scheduling right now? What kinds of dynamics need to be fixed? Answering some of those questions I think could help readers get the big picture and more thoroughly understand the article!
Impact/Audience: I think, since so many students use the gym and probably share the same sentiments that this article describes, this piece could hopefully lead to changes in the campus center!!
Nate:
Lead: I think that the lead and headline could use a bit more detail and context to make it more appealing for readers. Maybe mentioning a bit about the topic in the lead could be beneficial as well.
People Interviewed/Quotes: I like the variety of people that you’ve interviewed, and I think potentially interviewing a worker or student employee of the bookstore could be useful too, to shed more light on the underlying problems of the bookstore. I would definitely revise some of the grammatical errors within the used quotes, too.
Context/Backstory: I really like how you’ve compared UNE to other schools, as I think that adds a lot of useful context.
Impact/Audience: I think this article voices a lot of shared concerns among students, so I think with the necessary changes it could really resonate with the student body, and could even affect real change!
Brady-
I like the lead however I think you might want to go into the why these hirings are happening or just remove the first paragraph all together depending on the story you want to tell. I would also change the wording a little in that 2nd paragraph when you’re summing up a day for the interviewee. I love getting the interview with a new hire as that adds a lot to talk about. However, in that same paragraph change the wording a bit as your repeated yourself. I would also look to figure out which story to tell at the first as you get into more of how a new professor’s day would go not employee. I love how you also got the interview with Bethany, and I would look to add a few quotes in there from her as well. Overall, I love the idea of the story however I would look to refining the story.
Gage-
I would swap the headline and the sub-headline as I feel it can add more interest and engagement. I love the use of a former student turned faculty who has both been a part of it as well as heard and seen it. I also like the writing of the story as it sounds good juts would recommend on a few of the paragraphs to try and shorten them or turn them into two. I would also look to get another interview and spread that put instead of just talking about Ruest words the whole time. Possible interviews to get is with any of the campus center staff especially the ones who work in the gym or you could get a interview with anyone who had the power to make the gym the size it is.
Nathan-
The heading in the story is great as it both stats what the article is as well as is engaging. In the headline I would remove etc and say many more as it will add more professionalism in the story. I like how you also included some stats in their as well from trusted sources that added a lot of information and credibility. I would also look to get some interviews in there as well. Some interviews you could possibly get are the bookstore staff to see why the prices are so high as well as anyone who works with the decisions on what books are need in the curriculum of a class.
Nate
I like that this tackles real issues at school, especially the bookstore. Also a spell check on my last came was spelled “D’Arcangelo” Otherwise I like that you have a variety of people that you are using for your quotes. I don’t see many grammatical Errors and I also like the title of this feature. I think that the title is clear and it is evident as to what the feature is about. I also like how you contrast the average amount of money that we at une spend on books with other colleges. I also like how you mentioned the other high costing things that are present at une, I think that It helps with your message.
Gage:
I think that there are a lot of things that came up in terms of organization, primarily in the beginning of the feature, in the first three paragraphs including the lead,right after the title and subtitle. However I do think that this is a good story that has a lot of potential. The campus gym is too small and I’m sure the fitness community on campus would love a larger space. I think comparing facilities with neighboring colleges would help this feature out a lot.On eof the best ways that you can bring someone to ask tough questions and make decisions based on those question is comparison . In this case that evidence is the comparison between une’s campus center gym and another school’s gym.
Brady
I like that you took notice of this “ issue” that is happening on campus with the hiring of new professors. This would work in the Handbook project in professor Millers Intro to Communications class. This is because of how informative this is for students who want to see how many professors are committed to being a part of the une’s faculty. I think that you could benefit from the use of more descriptive words. I think that would help hold this story together more.
Brady:
Double-check for accuracy of information and grammar firstly. I think that your lede could be more engaging, maybe give more information within it instead of keeping it vague. I also think more elaboration could be given on a lot of information provided, especially given how far under the target word count this is, as long as it’s relevant I think it should be included. Overall I really like the idea for this and I think it could be really interesting and informative
Gage:
I think your lede/first paragraph could be a little shorter, and condensing it would eliminate supplementary information and only leave in what’s important. I also think that with the small amount of extra space that you have, you could explain a little bit about why this is important. I also think that this could use a paragraph explaining proposed solutions, because you explain methods that would lead to solution but nothing further. Should they redesign the gym? If yes, with what money? That kind of thing would really make this more engaging.
Nate:
I think the end really makes this a good article, because I think that you’re right about students choosing to purchase books online entirely due to UNE’s upcharge. UNE will miss out on any amount of profit if they don’t decrease their prices. This could be difficult to find, but if you’re able to ask around and get a general ballpark of how much money students are spending on textbooks at the UNE Bookstore per semester, that could be a really useful and powerful piece of information for this article, and you could put this after the $655 figure from the National Institution of College Stores. I do really like how you executed this topic though.
Gage:
In Gage’s feature I definitely think there is room to add in the lead. In addition maybe refining some of the more repetitive paragraphs. However Gage does a really good job breaking down the components and structure of the gym. An interview with someone who uses or used the gym was highly beneficial to analyze the difficulties and lackings the gym has. I think it would also be beneficial to incorporate something of the nature of speaking to someone who works in the campus center gym to see what they have to say and things they see from working in the gym and things that need improvement from that alternate perspective.
Brady:
In Bradys feature I think the lead could use some additions like the content in the paragraph following the lead. As well as a little more detail to the story. I feel like at the movement there is just a little bit missing, so maybe going into detail about the whole hiring process a bit more to add more content. Structure and people interview wise I think those are the strong components of the feature. It’s mentioned in the interview with Bethany Woodworth that she goes into detail about the hiring process, I think it would definitely be valuable to incorporate more of what she had to say.
Nate:
Nate’s lead is a very strong statement that I feel like could improve with the addition of some details to help hook the reader into the story. Alternatively the short and blunt lead could also do so. I think the structure and quoting is strong and helps communicate this issue addressed in the lead of the hardships of college prices. I like the incorporation of alternate sources for buying books. I think that was an important component to include. Overall with some minor additions and edits I think this is a really important and well done piece.
Brady:
Overall, I thought this was a really well written article. I would add a byline, as currently, the article has no ownership. I would also add a subhead line, maybe giving a better look into the university, and its location. I would also specify that UNE is the University of New England, even though it seems obvious, some readers might not pick it up unless you specifically say. The paragraph describing the day of someone interviewing at UNE feels a bit jumbled and hard to read, maybe splitting it up into separate sentences would help a bit. You also spell “Ketchum” wrong, and I would double check this as it is an article about UNE. You have a few grammatical mistakes that take the reader out of the reading experience and make the article a bit hard to understand at times, so I would suggest reading the article allowed to get rid of choppy sentences and awkward wording.
Gage:
Overall, I really enjoyed this article. I would combine the headline and subhead line into a new headline and rewrite the sub headline. That way, readers will immediately know they are reading about UNE, and that the space issue is in reference to the campus center. Your lede is not particularly engaging, as it just makes UNE sound like any other school with a campus center. You must make your issue seem like an issue, so discussing the importance of the campus center to school culture in your lede can make the issue seem more urgent. Additionally, I would describe what else happens in the campus center, and what makes the building so important to students on campus. The article has quite a few serious grammatical issues, and the run-ons at times make it very hard to understand what is being said. I would suggest reading the article aloud, so that you might catch some of these spots and make the article easier to understand.
Nate:
I really enjoyed reading this article! I would start off by specifying in the headline that the article is written about UNE, and specify what UNE stands for in your sub headline. I liked the way you broke up your information, as it makes sense and is easy to read. In addition, I liked your student interviews, as they gave good insight into the issue you’re writing about. Specifically, I liked your inclusion of a transfer student interview, as it shows that this is not just a UNE issue, but a college issue in general. I think a useful interview to add might be with someone who is involved in pricing or inventory at the bookstore, or even an employee. This way, you would be able to get a more well-rounded view of the happenings and pricing at the bookstore and understand why books are overpriced the way that they are.
Nate-
Your headline piques my interest, and it does have a very good quality. It would be helpful if you could provide a little more background or perspective. For example, you could mention that the financial burden on students is greater than what they believe is manageable, rather than focusing solely on debt. Additionally, incorporating data or personal anecdotes could further enrich the narrative and strengthen your argument. Overall, I found your feature to be thought-provoking and insightful. With some refinement and expansion, it has the potential to spark meaningful discussions and drive positive change within the university’s community.
Brady-
I really liked how you started your FC, it was stern and creative. While there’s still room to address a few more questions, I think your feature was mostly well done. Overall, your feature provides an engaging exploration of UNE’s recruitment efforts and the complexities inherent in staffing academic departments. With continued attention to detail and expansion on key points, the piece has the potential to offer even greater insight into the university’s hiring processes.
Brady:
I appreciate the amount of information you’ve put into this article in a manageable amount of space. There’s a lot here but it doesn’t ever get overwhelming. I do think that you might want to interview some people on hiring committees (people like Jesse who oversee the hiring process), and I feel like the article needs a more concrete ending, but other than that the writing is very good, it reads well, and I appreciate the work put into it. There are a few grammatical issues that can be fixed with just a quick read-over, though.
Just another thing to add is the detail as to why the campus is hiring so much more often right now. I know for a fact that there are at least two more professors in the marine science department, and it sounded a little odd to be hiring so many people at once.
Nate:
I feel like the title could have a little more bravado in there. It is short and gets straight to the point, but it might be helpful to add some flourish? It makes the article sound a little dry. The subheadline could also be added to a little more to give a more exciting overview of the article. The article itself is very concise and straight to the point. I like the amount of research done comparing the inflation of textbook prices to the price of admission to the university, as well as the consideration of other school’s prices, along with any special circumstances that school might have. I do think that online textbooks are going to be the way to go in the future for a lot of students, because a lot of times the prices can be shredded in half or more. I would love to know why the university’s textbook prices are so exorbitantly high in comparison to websites like Amazon or EBay, but I’m not really sure who you’d go to to ask that kind of question.
Gage:
The title is quite good, drawing the reader in with a question. I do go to the gym (sometimes) and a lot of times it is, in fact, quite crowded. As you say in the article, a lot of the machines have lines, there’s only one weight for each level with regards to a lot of the barbells, and there’s really only one machine for each type of exercise (unless you get a little creative). I actually never knew that the room in the back was once a pickleball court, but you’re right in the sentiment that the space could be used a bit more efficiently. I wonder if you could set up a small feedback box near the door to the gym to get a better consensus of student satisfaction, because you talk about that being something that the university should look into. I’d also love to see a bit more interviews, maybe with frequent attendees of the gym, or some of the people/trainers who work at the gym, and maybe even some athletes who use it. Other than that, this is a solid article.
Brady –
I like the opening statements, they give clear description to what the article is about. The ‘headfirst dive’ does add character to the title but changing it to ‘A look’ might give a more professional effect. There’s a few grammar changes that could be made throughout the article to help it flow better. Sharing more detail on what the process is of these ‘all-day’ interviews consist of will help give more detail and make your piece longer. Adding another quote from Woodworth can add personality and give us another perspective. It’s a good article but could have more spice to keep readers interested and consider diving a little deeper into the interview process for more detail. Readers should finish this article knowing details about the hiring process not just a brief overview.
Gage –
I like how right off that bat, you highlight the concern of the campus center and it’s functionality and other debatable issues. It seems self explainoty but consider explaining what a campus center is in the beginning for clarification. Rember to use quotes, not just reference what someone said, quotes add character and perspective that can give the article a powerful standing. What stands out to me is the investigation paragraph, this is a great way to spark change and suggest a solution rather than just point out the problems. It’s a good piece that suggests actual change but I’d like to see more quotes from students and the coach to heighten the article and give it more character. The conclusion recaps the whole article and has a stong closing statement.
Nate –
The bookstore is a great topic to discuss but remember to stay neutral, consider changing the sub-headline to a question of ‘Is the UNE bookstore overspriced’ to be less opinionated. Prefacing the issue of the textbooks and following with a nationwide statistics shows good context and clarifies that there is a serious pricing problem here. I think adding another expenses price statistic to show how much this school really costs can help add more information. Having a student quote and comparison of other schools book prices is a great perspective. Mentioning other textbook platforms for purchase shows that there is an alternate option but showing comparison prices might help strengthen your article. It’s a solid article but could use a little more personality and correction of grammatical mistakes.